Detective Jay Knew the Whole Time

You'll just have to take my word for it that Jay wrote this. It's a well-known FireJay policy that we don't link his articles.

At least three times, maybe more, I've asked Sammy Sosa if he ever has used steroids. Each time, he testily answered no, once stating that the only performance-enhancing substance he took was a "Flintstone vitamin." He had this goofy, cartoonish way about him that made you want to believe him, even though deep down, as someone who noticed that his head and upper body were swelled disproportionately to human reality, I knew he was as stone-cold guilty as any of them.

You. Fucking. Genius.

That's what I said, the biggest scandal in sports history. Think about it. Nearly every baseball superstar we've tried to embrace the last dozen years because of his magnitude and numbers -- Sosa, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez being the foremost -- has come up dirty.

Frank Thomas, Albert Pujols, Ken Griffey Jr, David Eckstein. Your move, Jay.

And all it does is make me ill for gushing over each of them at one time or another, starting with the Summer of Love in 1998, when Sosa and McGwire waged a muscle duel and blew past the single-season home run numbers of Roger Maris and Babe Ruth.

Gushing over them...but earlier you said.....knew entire time? pnoles confoozled.

The surge rejuvenated a game that lost some measure of popularity earlier that decade, when a labor impasse led to the cancellation of a World Series and widespread fan apathy. Alas, it turned out to be nothing but a hoax, just like almost everything else we've applauded in the Steroid Era.

Anyone else need this history lesson as badly as I did? Whew, thanks Jay. I'm up to speed now.

I'm ashamed to have admired their accomplishments, even while I was openly suspicious in some of my columns back then.

I'm ashamed, because I'm just like all of you, but suspicious, because I'm way smarter and better than you. I knew the entire time, cheered anyway, but documentation exists, Jay smart. I cheered, but I knew, I ashamed. Jay Good. All Else Bad.

Nah. It just was a matter of time and circumstance before the heat finally caught up to Sosa and he officially joined the Liar's Club. That's what angers me most about these villains, the deceit and the lies,

It hasn't even been a month since you wrote that it was impossible for the Chicago Cubs to win a World Series. Ever.

Like the Rocket and the Home Run King*, Slammin' Sammy conceivably could be headed to jail after standing before Congress under oath and testifying that "everything" he knew "about steroids and human growth hormones is that they are bad for you, even lethal" and that he "would never put anything dangerous like that" in his body. "To be clear," he said that day, "I have never taken illegal performance-enhancing drugs. I have never injected myself or had anyone inject me with anything." He was accompanied by a lawyer who said Sosa had difficulty speaking English, which struck me as odd considering Sosa knows English very well, including every choice curse word he has used when scolding media people.

Hmmmm....so Sosa actually does speak English very well, even though a lawyer said he did not? Detective Jay is on the case! I bet no one else ever noticed this!

Problem was, his testimony came in 2005, two years after the alleged positive test was included among the Dirty 104.

Which means Sosa may have been lying under oath. Perhaps we'll be calling him Slammer Sammy.

Throw the book at him boys! Another case cracked by Mariotti! His pure intellect is perhaps only surpassed by his one-liners!

So, no, he doesn't belong in the Hall any more than McGwire, who has been rejected overwhelmingly in his first three years of eligibility by the voting baseball writers -- myself included.

Did anyone know that Jay has a Hall of Fame vote (seriously)?

Well I don't have much to say about that, so enjoy this Chone Figgins quote that Jay plugged into this article.

"It's just like gambling on baseball. If you're not supposed to do it, you shouldn't be able to get in," Los Angeles Angels infielder Chone Figgins said. "It's the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Cheatin'. It's like not paying your taxes. They eventually catch up to you."

I hope Chone Figgins makes the Hall of Fame in 2020 or whatever just on the basis of this quote. Taking steroids is like not paying your taxes. Love it.

But wait, we haven't heard an Ozzie Guillen reference yet! Enjoy this quick, easy, and seamless transition that gives Jay an excuse to talk about Ozzie.

The infamous 2003 list was supposed to remain anonymous under terms established between Major League Baseball and the Players Association. For some reason, either the union didn't destroy the test results or someone in management is involved in hanky-panky. How interesting that Sosa's name was leaked in a Times story published on the day the Cubs were scheduled to play the crosstown White Sox -- owned by Jerry Reinsdorf, Selig's right-hand man forever -- in the opener of their interleague series. Ozzie Guillen, manager of the Sox, said before the game was rained out that all the names of the Dirty 104 should be released publicly.

Whew. See? Ozzie's relevant to this article too!

The Blizzard of Oz is a flaming hypocrite, of course, having said three years ago that former major-league pitcher Jason Grimsley was a snitch for serving as a steroids informant in a federal investigation. "Shoot the [bleep]," Guillen said then. "The only thing I can say is that a former player should shut up and go. Shut up and move on. We don't need these guys. Baseball is better without him." Now, Ozzie thinks all names should be revealed.

Now that he ::sniff:: doesn't write for the Sun-Times anymore, look how hard it is to squeeze in these Guillen insults! You can tell, this is absolutely killing him. Also, I love when Jay calls other people hypocrites. It gives me just the world's biggest joygasm.

I sensed Sosa was up to no good several years ago, when he claimed to have been "robbed" of $20,000 in the lobby of the Caracas Hilton. He had placed the money in a plastic bag, wrapped it inside a towel and supposedly left it in the lobby while he and his brother ate in a hotel restaurant.\

There's Jay's sharp eye for suspicious activity! Gee, I bet you could read that story to 25,000 of us normies and not a single person would have caught onto a whiff of shadiness.

Uh, what was Sosa doing in Venezuela with $20,000 in cash stuffed in a bag?

This logic is superhuman!

I was able to ask my questions to Sosa. Each time, he denied ever using steroids. I wanted to call him a liar but couldn't.

Today, I can.

...said Jay Mariotti, triumphantly, out of breath, planting a flag atop the highest mountain in Iowa, as onlookers in the distance gasp in awe upon seeing his rotund silhouette standing bravely in the orange, setting sun.

That shit's POETRY.

Obligatory Day-After-White-Sox-Make-A-Trade Post

The Man Whose Columns I Shall Not Link is making noise again. I have made many of my posts on this site in the wee hours of the A.M. For undisclosed reasons, making posts at this time is probably going to end with this one. So this is it. I'm going to pull up a nice bag of Wheat Thins, get comfy in this chair in my sweatpants, and watch Jay Mariotti delay my sleeping hours for one last time.

Griffey's presence will help, but White Sox still flawed

Couldn't be more giddy. Talks about how Griffey physically being there is more valuable than him doing anything baseball-wise.

Please understand this: The White Sox are not getting the first-ballot Hall of Famer, the Ken Griffey Jr. once endorsed for president by Nike, the phenom who scaled fences and blasted home runs in flurries and defined the essence of the five-tool stud.

::gathers up every person in the state of Illinois::

Sit down everyone. Now listen carefully. If any of you think that the Ken Griffey Jr. that is coming to the White Sox is anywhere near as good as the Ken Griffey Jr. from say, 10, even 5 years ago, please stand up.

::no one moves::

Useful first sentence, Jay!

Please know they're getting Griffey in his 38-year-old twilight, the Griffey who hasn't played center field regularly since 2006, the Griffey who has gained weight, the Griffey who wasn't coveted by anyone but Ken Williams.

Coveted? He sent away a fringe middle reliever and a 2B who seems to be on the verge of washing out. I would have been worried if either of those guys was of any importance, but clearly, this was just a move that required absolutely no risk to make.

What they're looking for is some stability in center, some power in the No. 6 hole and a way to demote Paul Konerko, whose mysterious demise no longer is tolerable. But the Mark Teixiera trade, this is not.

No shit.

A plan-another-parade trade, this is not. If the Sox truly were gunning for another championship, they would have thought bigger, bolder and younger -- and also would have addressed their pitching, defense and speed issues.

I would love to see Jay Mariotti be a GM! It would be so much fun!

Jay Mariotti: What's out there on that market! We need to get power, pitching, defense and speed, right away!

Assistant: Well, there's several good candidates out there, but....

Jay Mariotti: But WHAT? Let's get them!

Assistant: Well, you traded away your farm system last year in the "Bigger, Bolder and Younger" campaign last year.

Jay Mariotti: Nonsense! There has to be someone good still playing down in the minors for us to deal.....

Assistant: No, I mean you literally traded away your farm system. We don't even have any minor league teams anymore.

Jay Mariotti: When the fuck did I do that? What do we even have to show for it?

Assistant: The guys you've been whining about acquiring for what seems like forever! Mark Teixeira, Torii Hunter, Dwyane Wade, Derek Anderson, and Coco Crisp. Sir.....a couple of those men don't even play baseball....are you sure that you know what you're doing here?

Jay Mariotti: Duh! Appeasing insatiable blowhard columnists! That's what general managers do, right?

Assistant: Sir, Wade just threw his 8th wild pitch of this game.

Jay Mariotti: Piss off already.

In failing to land Huston Street or another reliever, Williams leaves the Sox scarily vulnerable in the bullpen.

Because he didn't want to trade away Aaron Poreda, a man whose existence I'm quite sure you're unaware of.

They are not, in other words, going to win another World Series this year.

Uh oh, Jay's busting out the crystal ball again! Might I remind you that there is no possible way you can say that with confidence?

The Sox remain a big, plodding, muscular team that hits for power -- Carlos Quentin, Jermaine Dye, Jim Thome, Griffey, Joe Crede when he returns -- but has trouble manufacturing runs any other way.

The White Sox have scored 539 big, plodding, muscular runs this season. That's some good ploddin' lemme tells ya. Good for third in the AL, it is. But they haven't produced any runs from their Run Factory Manufacturing Production Plant System Depot Building For Manufacturing Runs. Which would be a concern, except, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW THE FUCK YOU SCORE YOUR RUNS AS LONG AS YOU SCORE THEM!

They'd be great in Home Run Derby. A recipe for glory, it is not.

Do I have to bring up the 2006 Cardinals again? I do, don't I? The recipe for glory involves things like Scott Spezio and Jeff Weaver. The White Sox have....Griffey. Nope, not on the list, sorry.

Do give Williams props in one respect, though. He senses a good story, an opportunity for an all-time great to revitalize his career in a pennant race and reach down for a big homer here, an important catch there while offering a daily clubhouse reminder that he never has played in the Series.

That's what Williams is trying to do! He sure doesn't care if he wins playoff games, but dadgummit, it's a good story!

The Angels clearly became the team to beat in October with their dynamic acquisition of Teixiera, whose power production answers their only deficiency.

Apparently playing Maicer Izturis and Jeff Mathis every day doesn't qualify as a "deficiency".

Every team has problems. The Angels aren't infallible or anything.

But at least Williams gave his ballclub an impetus to outlast the Twins and Tigers in the American League Central. Maybe Sox players who wear 2005 rings, and aren't necessarily driven to win another, will feed off the motivation to win for Junior.

I challenge you to find one player on the Chicago White Sox that does not want to win a World Series very badly. It's not like I have some sort of proof that they all do. It's just that I'm calling you out on having no clue what the hell you're talking about.

Maybe everyday players who are struggling or don't inspire confidence -- Konerko, Nick Swisher, Brian Anderson -- will be inspired to perform now that a legend is bumping their playing time.

Apparently, logging 139 ABs through the end of July without any DL stints earns you the title of "everyday player" in Jay's mind.

I mean, this is Ken Griffey Jr. Can't he help just by being around?

No.

"One of the things that factored into this was a guy who has had a great career but has not won a championship and how motivated he's going to be to get on that stage," Williams said. "That is a factor and will always be a factor for me."

Or, as Swisher told the media in Minnesota, "I just think there's a lot of added things he can bring. I mean, I had posters of that guy on my wall growing up. So I think it's going to be an awesome thing for all of us."

This is all very nice to include, Jay. But somehow, I don't think Griffey never having won a World Series or the number of posters of Griffey that Nick Swisher had in his room growing up really have any effect. Just a hunch.....

And the rotation has become a roulette wheel, with Jose Contreras reduced to limbo, Mark Buehrle and Javier Vazquez not performing like aces and too much riding on young John Danks and Gavin Floyd, neither of whom has pitched in a pennant race.

Number of 2007 Colorado Rockies starting pitchers that had previously pitched in a pennant race: 0.

I am so sick of people making a big fucking deal out of whether someone has pitched in a pennant race before. It's the same game with the same rules on April 15th as it is on September 13th.

What the Griffey deal does, I suppose, is pacify the Blizzard of Oz and save his liver, at least for a day or two.

If this is the main function of the Griffey deal, Kenny Williams not only needs to be fired, but he should be legally forced to suck Jay Mariotti's balls as well.

Indeed, no promises have been made to Griffey about next year or the $16 million. He is here to win a World Series.

Too bad I can't say the same about the Sox.

Yes, "too bad." You clearly want them to win very badly.

Asshole.

Announcement!

Jay Mariotti is apparently closer to home for me than I once knew. I was eating at Wildfire, a nice restaurant near my house, when I noticed that among the many plaques on the wall that honor people who eat there frequently was one that read this:

"JAY AND DANA MARIOTTI".

Further inquisition confirmed not only that it was him, but also that he has a daughter that goes to the high school I attended.

Based on everything that has passed between me and Jay, is it fair to say that I'm not responsible for my actions if I see him?

Anyway, back to the crap.

As Ozzie invents enemies, Twins stalk lead

Blah blah blah as Ozzie bad, something else not-Ozzie good blah blah blah. For such a well-regarded writer, you sure as hell are monotonous.

When Ozzie Guillen isn't picking stupid fights with someone named C.J. Wilson -- I see he's stooping to much lower levels than me and Magglio Ordonez -- he's peering at the big scoreboard and seeing The Piranhas nipping at his butt cheeks.

Jay is clearly misinformed about the identity of "The Piranhas." Pay attention to this one Jay, because if you're going to use a phrase, you should at least know what it refers to. "The Piranhas" was a collective nickname for Jason Bartlett (who is now the Rays shorstop), Luis Castillo (who is now the Mets' second baseman), and Nick Punto (a guy who had the most negative VORP of any MLB player last year and barely has over 100 at-bats this year). In other words, Jay, you just said that the 9-1-2 hitters in the Twins lineup from 2 years ago are nipping at Ozzie Guillen's butt cheeks. Because those three baseball players no longer play for the same baseball team, I can only assume "nipping at his butt cheeks" was some sort of homosexual reference, which contradicts the previous sentence that Ozzie Guillen is any lower than you.

My brain works in the strangest ways.

Hey, blame him. He's the one who coined the perfect nickname for the Minnesota Twins

'9-1-2 hitters from 2006.

who continue to perform in the feisty piranha spirit and frighten the hell out of the White Sox.

Stop.

Is anyone out there remotely comfortable with a half-game lead? You shouldn't be. As the Sox were absorbing a 9-1 clobbering Saturday night from the lowly Kansas City Royals, the Twins were winning for the 21st time in 27 games, again looking like an elite team in a 14-2 crushing of the Texas Rangers.

The Twins are not an elite team. They're a bunch of #3 starters and a bunch of guys who don't hit HR. The Twins and the White Sox have practically identical team on-base percentages. However, the Sox have hit 135 HR. The Twins have hit 69. How in the world is it that the Twins have outscored the White Sox at the time of this writing?

Insanely. Good. Luck.

With RISP, the Twins are .311/.383/.454. That is easily the best and luckiest in the majors. Given that the White Sox have been way better at preventing runs, there's no way the Twins are their biggest threat.

In what might be one of the classic divisional races we've seen in this town, the Sox can't afford off nights against bad clubs. The Blizzard might want to concentrate on his own team instead of inventing enemies for his wacko rants, a practice that really is getting old.

He's talking about C.J. Wilson. And like Jay said, I bet Ozzie cares more about him than his own team.

In what might be one of the classic divisional races we've seen in this town, the Sox can't afford off nights against bad clubs. The Blizzard might want to concentrate on his own team instead of inventing enemies for his wacko rants, a practice that really is getting old.

The fact that he's really good at baseball pales in comparison to this, eh?

The fundamental question, to me, was whether Quentin would leave his first half in the on-deck circle at Yankee Stadium. That's where I last saw him, waiting to bat when American League teammate Michael Young mercifully ended that New York Marathon of an All-Star Game. Twice before, Quentin had stepped in with chances to be a wee-hours hero; twice, he failed.

5-for-17 with 3 walks and 2 HR since the break is definitely cutting it....

Was this an omen for his Q rating?

What the fuck does this mean? I want to call every scribe from every corner of the earth. Someone, please decipher this moron's brain. What was he possibly thinking when he wrote this?

Would the upstart that many have viewed as an MVP candidate, the steal of the year in baseball, now fall to earth as conventional logic demands? Was it too unrealistic to think he could lead the Sox to the playoffs when he was acquired from Arizona for a minor-league first baseman and sunflower seeds?

HE IS 9-FOR-FUCKING-28 WITH 6 HOME RUNS IN HIS LAST 7 GAMES? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HE'S COOLING OFF?

Didn't you watch the game, Jay? Like every player had a chance to end that game at least once in extras.

He may not win the MVP award or hit .300, but the stocky slugger who vaguely resembles a young Jose Canseco -- somehow, I mean that as a compliment -- will keep crushing pitches and giving the Sox their most out-of-nowhere clout since Mayor Daley flashed a sign in a TV ad and coaxed A.J. Pierzynski to bunt.

That ad came out roughly 2 weeks ago. So basically you're saying that Quentin is the best thing that's happened to the White Sox in 2 weeks.

The good news on Avenue Q aside, look elsewhere if you want a firm commitment to Sox glory. Along with Quentin, Danks and Floyd, it's just as vital for Paul Konerko to start earning his money and the likes of Thome, Nick Swisher and Jose Contreras to earn theirs. Closer Bobby Jenks, too, must avoid the disabled list. The Twins are that good.

1) "Avenue Q?"
2) No. The Twins are not that good. Their leadoff hitter has a .285 OBP. They have 2 guys with more than 10 home runs.

Ozzie yaps, the Twins nip.

You haven't mentioned Ozzie in 9 paragraphs, so this was a pretty seamless transition, eh?

I see a theme developing.

So do I, Jay. So. Do. I.

Remember How Ozzie Guillen Is a Crazy Asshole?

Why hasn't this guy been fired yet? Oh yeah- because the most prominent media member calling for that course of action, Jay Mariotti, is a fucking dunderhead. I love the fact that since Guillen publicly complained about his offense and subsequently drew the wrath of Jay and others (not going to link my original post, it's two below this one), the White Sox have won five games in a row while scoring more than eight runs per game. If Tony La Russa or Jim Leyland had said what he said, and then seen their teams go on a streak like this, there'd have been followup stories galore about what brilliant motivators they are. In this case, we'll hear exactly nothing until the next time Guillen does something mildly offensive. Well, fuck that. Leyland is a crusty old know-nothing who has been known to put guys like Neifi Perez and his .295 OBP at the top of his lineup and La Russa is a horrible-haircut-wearing drunk driver (actually a decent manager too, but don't try to stop me, I'm on my soap box here). As I said in my original post about this subject, I'm neither a "Blizzard" nor a White Sox fan. I just get tired of hearing the guy get excoriated for pretty much no other reason besides the fact that he's not nice to the guys writing the stories. According to this admittedly small sample size of games, he seems to know how to motivate a team. At the very least it would be dumb for the Sox to fire him anytime soon. Shut up, Jay. Shut up, everyone who Jay quoted as agreeing with him in his latest article. And shut up, Amy Winehouse. You're horrendous.

Jay Mariotti Continues to Cry and Sob About Ozzie Guillen

Holy balls, I am nervous. Does it show? Oh man, I think I just shat myself. Here's the issue- PNoles, having graduated from college a couple weeks ago, is now either dead from graduation-related alcohol poisoning or employed full time. That leaves the unenviable task of picking apart a Mariotti column to yours truly. *deep breath* OK, here goes. And as per site policy, I won't link to the article in order to make sure Jay doesn't receive any traffic boosts from us. Find it yourself if you need to.

To show off Chicago, you reject the Kennedy Expy. for Peterson Avenue and take Lake Shore Drive toward the skyline. You visit the museums and stores, do a comedy club, hang out in Bucktown, avoid Trump Tower, ride an elevator to the top of the Hancock, then pick any one of 100 good places for dinner. You hail a cab to a jukebox bar and drink longnecks in the light of the beer signs.

To show off Chicago, here's what you do. Take a slightly different route from the airport to downtown than most people would. Then you do a bunch of shit you can do in pretty much any big city- tall building, comedy club (???), something the locals like to call "retail shopping," and don't forget to eat food! Then, finally, you go drink alcohol. If it sounds intensely cultural, that's because it is. Jay Mariotti: an effeminate man who knows how to have a good time.

And you go nowhere near U.S. Cellular Field.

I mean, maybe... it is on the South Side, a long ways away from most stuff... but on the other hand, it's conveniently located right off the Dan Ryan. Why would you avoid it?

Not because you hate the White Sox, but because Ozzie Guillen works there.

Oh, I see. If you lived in Chicago and had out of town company, and really wanted to show them the city, you would avoid the less famous of the city's two baseball stadiums. Why? Because the manager of the team who plays there has personally insulted Jay Mariotti in the past. No other reason, just that. That guy is mean, so keep the visitors away. You never know who Guillen is going to slander next, after all.

Forget about those old Al Capone and Hog Butcher to the World references. What this city must expunge, as it attempts to win the 2016 Olympics and polish its image for the world, is the embarrassing cloud of stench accumulated by the Blizzard of Oz with his relentlessly profane attacks on human life around him.

I can just see the IOC right now, sitting in a secret room with curtains drawn a couple years from now, deciding not to give the Olympics to Chicago because Guillen has said some controversial stuff. Letting China host the games in spite of their spotty human rights record? No problem. Letting Chicago host the games when one of its 9 million residents has a short fuse and easy access to an unimportant segment of the media? No thanks!

If he is so deathly unhappy managing the Sox, as he has commented at least twice in a three-week period in which his team has risen to the division lead, then my only suggestion to him is to leave town for his sake and ours. And if he won't leave, then Ken Williams and Jerry Reinsdorf should fire him.

I'm no ChiSox fan. I'm also not a Guillen admirer. (Not a hater, either. Just a casual observer.) But I definitely understand the difference between being in 1st place in June and being good enough to be in 1st place at the end of September. The second is more important than the first, and Guillen doesn't feel like his team has the talent it needs to reach that objective. Can't blame him for that. Sure, he's batshit crazy and constantly popping off at the mouth. But Jerry Reinsdorf and Kenny Williams have known that for years now. If they truly believe in his managerial talent, then by now they should have installed filters on their ears that translate what the guy is trying to say during tirades like the one that prompted this stoolpile of an article. The guy thinks his lineup stinks. Viola. That's all they need to know. The rest is just filler for pudwhackers like Mariotti to get upset about. Is it right for Ozzie to say this in public in the manner he did? Probably not. But it shouldn't be a job-threatening mistake, particularly not from this guy.

I wrote it last year. I'm writing it today. And I will keep writing it until sanity prevails and the Sox return to some form of civilized leadership in their dugout.

Let the record show that for purely personal reasons (i.e., his feud with Guillen, and not because he thinks removing Guillen will necessarily make the Sox any better) Jay continues to espouse a this course of action. If and when Guillen finally is shown the door, brace yourself for his self-righteous response.

"I'm sick and tired to watch this thing for a year and a half," Guillen said in his latest rant, this one aimed at Williams. The feeling is mutual, Ozzie. We are sick and tired of you.

Pwn!

When you're in last place, you're miserable.

That team needs a manager who's content finishing 72-90.

When you're in first place, you're miserable.

When you're in first place in early June, and are wholly convinced that you won't be able to stay there much longer without more offense, you voice that opinion. What are you, fucking nuts? As before, Guillen should have probably have aired his concerns in private. But he's not, like, fucking nuts for having them.

When you go out for a beer, you say you're miserable because you're afraid the guy next to you will yap that he got drunk with Ozzie, as you said last month.

This is bad for reasons known only to Jay. I mean, what celebrity doesn't just love being in the public eye during ostensibly private moments?

You are trapped inside this creepy character you've created. Whatever charm that may have been attached to the Blizzard three years ago, when the Sox somehow won a World Series, has been replaced by a reality that glory isn't worth the price of dealing with a madman.

First "Blizzard" reference! Hooray! This article is now official. It's like a baseball game that made it through the 5th with a steady rain already falling. Doesn't matter what happens from here on out- we're already in the record books.

It's one thing for Guillen to make a mockery of a ballclub and the bosses who have enabled his clown act. It's quite another for Guillen to become a piece of crude, negative imagery when people think of our town.

Oh, the irony. Percentage of people nation wide who think of Chicago, then think of Guillen as one of its key institutions, then become offended: undoubtedly less than 1. Honestly, who the hell cares what he says or does? Percentage of people nation wide who think of Chicago, then think of Mariotti as one of its key institutions, then become offended: probably slightly more than 1. I mean, you figure a good part of the population is made up of sports fans... and most of them have access to ESPN... and some of those people watch "Around the Horn"... and every last one of those people can clearly see that Jay stinks... and most of them know he's from Chicago... and a reasonable portion of them are subsequently offended... I'm going to say that totals up to more than 1% of 300 million. Call me nuts.

Monday was one such moment, a day after he turned his tongue in the direction of management for the first time. As you may have noticed through the years, I am the Blizzard's only critic in the Chicago media, mostly because my soft colleagues either fear Guillen's wrath, enjoy how he rips me, work for one of the Reinsdorf-controlled broadcast outlets or are afraid of getting on the chairman's bad side.

Or, haven't provoked Guillen enough to be called out by him and see no reason to do so. As well as don't need to constantly criticize local figures in order to stir up controversy and maintain their audience.

I ignore what they write and say about Guillen, and I'd advise any reasonable person to do the same. Far more interesting to me is how the national media view him. Frankly, they're stunned he is still employed. ESPN's Mike Greenberg, the whip-smart radio host who used to work here in the '90s and understands the homerish nature of many local media, opened his SportsCenter segment on Guillen with an astute comment: Why do Guillen's inane rants largely go unchallenged? The answer, of course, is that 72-year-old Reinsdorf approves of them as high comedy, which is a poor and hypocritical reflection on an owner who promotes family nights at the ballpark and has been co-chairman of Major League Baseball's Equal Opportunity Committee. When Reinsdorf says he thinks Guillen is "the Hispanic Jackie Mason," most of his media sheep in town laugh right along. That's why the rants go unchallenged.

That, and the fact that most people don't take them overly seriously because they realize that you can separate what a person is saying from the way in which they're saying it. They're not going to shit themselves every time he rants about something, because they recognize that's just the kind of person he is. And as long as he's not insulting anyone besides Jay, I think we can all understand where he's coming from.

On "Pardon the Interruption," co-host Tony Kornheiser

The foremost authority on anything worth complaining about, to be sure. Whiny old coot. Retire (even more) already why don't ya.

seemed amazed that Guillen is still employed. "He may as well wear a shirt that says 'Fire Me' on the front and 'Fire Me' on the back," said Kornheiser, who has defended Guillen in the past. "He's in first place and he's screaming. How does he keep his job? Is his life so bad?"

Well, he wants to stay in first place. He thinks the team needs to make some changes in order for that to happen. So yeah, he life is kind of bad right now. He's like an ugly guy with a gorgeous girlfriend who's constantly being hit on by good looking dudes. (The girlfriend is being hit on, not the guy. Stupid English language. When are we going to genderize our nouns to avoid confusion in sentences like this one? Not soon enough, that's when.) I think the analogy works pretty well- sure, things are fine right now, but what about next week? Next month? Something's got to give, and what acquiring a better second baseman is to Ozzie is what knocking up that girl is to the ugly guy.

On "Around The Horn," I used to be the lone Guillen basher. Not anymore. Monday, Woody Paige

Always good to have him in your corner. Really lends a lot of legitimacy to your stance.

said he should have been fired two weeks ago.

Shortly after drinking a pitcher full of mercury.

J.A. Adande said the clock is ticking on his employment.

And noted as an aside that Robert Horry undoubtedly belongs in basketball's Hall of Fame.

This is what I do when I know I'm right and media folks in Chicago are wrong. I seek confirmation from people who don't live here, people who aren't swallowed up by spin jobs and smear campaigns. They make the most sense.

This is what I do when no one nearby will agree with me: go out and find two other guys who are nearly as dumb as I am and get them to agree with me. That pretty much proves everything, right?

"The manager has to respect the GM. He has to apologize to the GM," the retired major-leaguer Julio Franco said.

"You have to have a relationship between the manager and the general manager, and once that's lost, you've got issues," said Buck Showalter, one of Guillen's old targets.

This all well and good, and Guillen should probably privately apologize, but like I said before it's not like Williams shouldn't expect this out of Guillen. I'm not saying Guillen has license to say whatever he wants; I'm saying that he simply can't seem to help saying shit like this, so if you're going to employ him, you might as well get used to it. Let him heat up, let him cool down, and move on. Lost in all this crybabying, too, is the fact that this rant was really more about the players than about management. Guillen said he wanted Williams to make a better lineup, or even fire himself or the hitting coach... but he didn't explicitly blame Williams for the team's run scoring problem. He merely said the offense they have wasn't going to work long term. It's a gray area, to be sure, and it's fair for Williams to feel insulted, but it's not an outright insult to the GM.

Guillen is such a hypocrite. Not long ago, he was ripping local media and fans for criticizing the Sox and gushing over the first-place, problem-free Cubs. Now, he's criticizing the Sox, too. Coupled with recent remarks in which he seemed fed up with managing life -- "There are times lately where I say, 'Wow, why do we have to go through this situation?' I can live without these problems, I can live without the smell of the ballpark," he said -- there is only one conclusion.

Put the man out of his misery. Fire him.

There is only one comclusion that will put Jay out of his misery. Fire Ozzie Guillen so he doesn't feel threatened anymore. And for the love of God, keep the tourists away from US Cellular. You don't want them whispering about how negative the home team's manager is, do you?

OK, so how'd I do? Granted, I'm not a Chicago native (or a fucking ginger, that's him on the right) like PNoles, but I've spent my share of time in the Windy City. I think this will pass muster until whenever he decides to start recovering from graduation weekend or take some time off from his horrible entry-level job. Until then, keep in mind that the whole point of this blog is to get Jay Mariotti fired. Just because Bill Simmons is a clueless bint and the NBA playoffs are way too long doesn't mean we can forget about our namesake.

I've Been Waiting For This

Jay Mariotti is finally back from vacation. He had to have been on vacation, because there's no reason that he wouldn't have written a column bashing Ozzie Guillen over the last 4 days or so. The old favorites are coming back, in a classic Jay article that reminds me of just how much I hate every piece of dribble he puts in a newspaper. Hold on tight everyone, and enjoy the ride.

Ozzie, Sox: Chicago's rude, crude embarrassment

That's a good start. Has anyone written an article like this recently? This Jay article is unique because unlike the other monotonous things he writes, every other journalist in Chicago is saying the same thing.

The team with no class almost spun a no-hitter. Filthy as the White Sox and their manager have been, Gavin Floyd somehow was filthier and nastier Tuesday night on the South Side. After Hawk Harrelson jinxed the young man by babbling, ``Call your family, call your friends, Gavin Floyd is three outs from a no-hitter,'' well, you'll never guess what happened.

Fitting for Mariotti to blame the no-hitter breakup on the broadcaster. Just simply fitting.

Fact of the matter is, Floyd has like an even K/BB ratio and, prior to last night, had one a pretty bad GB/FB ratio (0.66). Him getting a no-hitter would have been just as unlikely as Mark Buehrle doing it last year was.

It's just as well. Ozzie Guillen didn't deserve to be bailed out by a classy, polite kid with hair combed across his forehead, low on his brow.

Sounds like someone has a man-crush! Was Ozzie right about you being a fag?

It isn't news, of course, that

Now wait. If this isn't news, why is the following large chunk of information being printed in a paper in which to read news?

Guillen is the clown doofus of sports, a disgrace to a city, a franchise, intelligent humanity and those of us who must chronicle his arrested-adolescent b.s. to the point of ad nauseum. I'm just wondering how he's still employed. If this was bad standup comedy, I'd understand why a trashy nightclub might hire him to humor drunks for $5.50 an hour.

Well done, Jay. That might have been your best tirade in years.

My one problem is that bad stand-up comics have trouble getting the respect of a baseball team and that most of them aren't insanely good at managing pitcher workloads.

But I've gotta say. I might memorize that block of insults for the next time I get really mad at somebody.

But he's a baseball manager. And since July of 2006,

ZOMG ZOMG! IT'S COMING! I CAN FEEL IT!!!

a sample size that has become more truth than trend, his team has largely failed.

We're getting close....

It's one thing to act like an idiot and win a championship, which causes folks to think you're a crazy genius.

Uh huh....

It's quite another to act like an idiot and go 124-151

!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so I didn't copy and paste a video of a parade marching from YouTube. But here we are, on May 7th, 2008. We're STILL talking about the record of a baseball team since July 2, 2006. That date was the only relevant date in baseball history.

proving only that your act isn't working and that you're killing an organization with your relentless immaturity and gutter-sludge mouth.

Oh gee, that's a new one Jay. Ozzie's "act" isn't working, because the team hasn't been good. Does Ozzie play baseball? Does the team get on base more when he isn't a lightning rod of attention? The White Sox as an organization are being "killed" because Ozzie swears too much? Really???? Maybe a LITTLE bit of mismatched cause-and-effect somewhere in there?

The Sox can crow all they want about their World Series title, how they beat the Cubs to the holy grail. At least the Cubs still own their dignity as a Chicago institution, as opposed to Guillen, who belongs in one.

ZING! Did....did you guys see what he did there? It was pretty pretty clever!

The Cubs are easy to like.

The Sox are easy to loathe.

That's like, too opinionated to even be printed in an opinion column.

Okay, I didn't even print everything in the article to this point. After 5 full paragraphs and 3 one-liners, we're finally ready for Jay to start reporting the news, that is, stuff that he hasn't said a billion times already.

The latest episode inside Guillen's clubhouse, involving inflatable female dolls and strategically placed bats in a frat-house attempt to end the club's offensive woes, is an insult to women.

Everyone reading this blog pretty much knows what Jay's personality is like. Do you really believe that he gives a shit about the blow-up dolls? He's literally modifying his feelings to lash out at Guillen some more.

This comes after incidents in which he slurred gays, insulted nations, blew off the White House and angered folks in his native Venezuela with his tirade against Magglio Ordonez. So comprehensive is his list of victims, he's almost running out of targets.

Did I say Jay was done repeating himself.......?

::checks a little bit above::

Yeah. I did. My fault.

I cannot think of another company -- another sports team -- that would tolerate this unceasing run of verbal thuggery, especially when he isn't succeeding on the field.

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME. OZZIE GUILLEN CANNOT SUCCEED ON THE FIELD. HE IS A MANAGER. HE IS A MANAGER WHO DOES NOT PLAY BASEBALL. YOU ACTUALLY TRY TO ANALYZE THE CHICAGO CUBS AS A BASEBALL TEAM SOMETIMES. TRY IT FOR BOTH TEAMS YOU REPORT ON.

YOU ARE THE CLOWN DOOFUS OF SPORTS, A DISGRACE TO A CITY, A FRANCHISE, INTELLIGENT HUMANITY, AND THOSE OF US WHO MUST CHRONICLE YOUR ARRESTED-ADOLESCENT B.S. TO THE POINT OF AD NAUSEUM. I'M JUST WONDERING HOW YOU'RE STILL EMPLOYED. IF THIS WAS BAD STANDUP COMEDY, I'D UNDERSTAND WHY A TRASHY NIGHTCLUB MIGHT HIRE YOU TO HUMOR DRUNKS FOR $5.50 AN HOUR.

If Guillen didn't directly participate in purchasing and displaying the dolls, well, put it this way: He sets the trashy tone. The man isn't exactly stable, which wouldn't bother me if he didn't represent this proud city and a sport that has endured a long steroids scandal and doesn't need dirt of any sort.

Like I've said before, this isn't even close to the worst thing that happens in a clubhouse.

Yet there was Williams, Reinsdorf's yes-man and the one who signed off on Guillen's hiring, making fun of the episode Tuesday and refusing to issue a formal apology. One of Guillen's favorite words -- hypocrite -- is exactly what he and the Sox have become.

ZOMG! Jay's about to call someone(thing) else a hypocrite again! Don't you love irony? Let's see how he fucks this up.

You cannot market ``Family Field Day'' on May 17 and a ticket package called the ``Ozzie Plan,'' then let the face of your franchise cultivate an R-rated atmosphere with more F-bombs than a Chris Rock routine.

Why? Why can you not market these things? It's not like it's called "Family Tour of the R-Rated Clubhouse Day." And that thing about the "Ozzie Plan" is totally irrelevant. Does anyone see why he even mentioned the "Ozzie Plan?" You can't name a ticket plan after a guy who has a potty mouth? This makes no fucking sense.

``I will assure Major League Baseball that the doll was not violated in any way, shape or form," [Kenny Williams] cracked. ``In all seriousness, it is a little bit of a disappointment because we have proactively tried to -- and just did so this spring training -- organizationally, we brought in some people to discuss a better work environment, whether it's gender issues or racial issues. I don't know what a formal apology on behalf of the club is going to do, other than me assuring everyone we are on top of it and we addressed the issue.''

Thank you.

Sure, you did. Just as the Sox and Major League Baseball ``addressed'' matters two summers ago by having Guillen attend sensitivity training, which obviously helped.

Guillen wasn't the one responsible for the blow-up shrine.

Reinsdorf and Williams think they're above these issues, when, in fact, the issues define who they are as executives and human beings.

No. Shut the fuck up. Whether or not there are blow-up dolls in the locker room absofuckinglutely does NOT define who Reinsdorf and Williams are as human beings, and CERTAINLY not as executives. What could either of them had to do with any of this? Are these issues supreme to the success of the team baseball-wise? One thing is completely clear: you, Jay Mariotti, have your head far enough up your ass to the point where you think so.

Unfortunately, some media fear Reinsdorf and curry his favor, which might explain why WMVP-AM's Marc Silverman -- who seems thrilled to have Reinsdorf on the station's ``Lunch With a Legend'' series -- was more eager to criticize his on-air guest, the Sun-Times' Carol Slezak, than simply interview her about her post-dolls, anti-Sox column.

I'm totally siding with Marc Silverman on this one. Criticizing Carol Slezak is a lot of fun.

Keeping with his track record, Guillen was too small to issue an apology to the offended. ``If people think we did something wrong, wow. I'm not going to apologize, I'm not going to say I'm sorry,'' he said. ``I don't know what to say. I can't come up with the words because as soon as I say that, that means I'm guilty of something. I'm not guilty."

He is guilty as sin, actually, for making a mockery of his craft. Can you imagine such a trail of trash ever being littered in Boston, New York? Could you imagine a manager keeping a job through it all, no matter how many championships he won?

Now you're basically copying Carol Slezak's column from a few days ago. This is not smart, Jay. In fact, it's bordering on plagiarism. Can you come up with your own ideas, please? Here's a copy of a sentence from Carol's piece.

Can you imagine the Yankees or Red Sox building a similar shrine in their locker room, in full view of clubhouse visitors?

Complete coincidence that you decided to evaluate the incident against the standards of the same teams, hmmm? Totally by chance, right?

Could you imagine a manager keeping a job through it all, no matter how many championships he won?

For the love of God, YES! If Trashy Awesometon is managing my baseball team and winning the World Series every year and banging strippers in the clubhouse every day while using countless ethnic slurs, he's my manager because he has the supernatural ability to win the World Series every single year, which is the supreme goal of baseball, which you should try to write about sometimes instead of trash like this.

As long as reporters have work to do, and as long as clubhouses are open to media, a sports franchise has a responsibility to maintain a civil, orderly, professional workplace.

Why? You don't hold yourself to the same standard. You are quite possibly the least professional human being alive who sucks up newspaper space every time you decide you want to rant about Ozzie Guillen or Ken Harrelson.

I don't subscribe to any boys-will-be-boys junk when it comes to working environments.

Interesting. Here's another quip from Carol Slezak.

And just so we're clear, the tired ''boys will be boys'' excuse no longer works.

WRITE YOUR OWN DAMN COLUMN.

If players want to go through ``Slumpbuster'' rituals with inflatable dolls, do it in the trainer's room, where the media can't see it. When you make it public, the organization is judged accordingly.

So you do condone sticking wooden bats up the arse of a doll. Doesn't exactly help your argument any.

The Blizzard finally might have made sense when he suggested media be banned from the clubhouse. I don't blame athletes for feeling invaded when they're attempting to shower and dress in the presence of reporters, especially in a time of camera phones and other creepiness. I understand the importance of media access, but it's more sensible to bring players into a large interview area before and after games. That's how it is done on Super Bowl media day. That's how it is done at the Olympics. Is it a pain for the media? Sure. But how would you like to be showering at work and have 50 reporters bust in?

This is a good point.

Besides, it sure beats hanging out in Guillen's den of doom, watching his career disintegrate with every stunt, F-bomb and non-apology.

Yeah, and besides, you don't go anywhere near that place, because you know that there are literally tens of people just waiting to beat the living shit out of you, including Ozzie himself. Can we set that fight up, please?

A Blow-up Doll in the Locker Room? Cancel the World Series!

Carol Slezak chimes in for the benefit of all things vagina.

White Sox blew it by allowing sexist shrine

Blew what? Monday's game? The season? Your own personal level of respect for the White Sox?

(One, and only one, of those three are correct.)

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen curses this city for failing to give the Sox organization proper respect, but he has no problem with the infantile and sexist "shrine" his players erected in their locker room.

What a double-standard! Ozzie wants the city to respect a baseball team, but has no moral problems with the players goofing around in the clubhouse by (sort-of) copying a gag from the movie Major League! 25 guys in their 20's and 30's trying to keep their spirits up by using sex-related humor? Forbidden! Why the hell is this turning into such a big deal?

Designed to help the team break out of its slump, the shrine featured two female blow-up dolls surrounded by ''strategically placed'' baseball bats and was accompanied by a sign that read, ''You've Got To Push,'' Canada's National Post reported.

OK yeah, this is immature, but come the fuck on. This shouldn't piss off anyone but the blow-up dolls.

''A few of the bats were doing naughty things,'' Sun-Times beat writer Joe Cowley wrote in his blog. Apparently one of the dolls was propped up by a bat in its rear end. Whether the lewdness was intentional or not, this was inappropriate. As were the blow-up dolls. Period.

Says Carol Slezak, Ultimate Goddess of Clubhouse Morality. Hear ye, hear ye! Thou shalt not place wooden batting instruments up the poopshoot of an inanimate object!

Neither Guillen, his players nor anyone else in the Sox organization had attempted to conceal the shrine from reporters before the Sox played the Blue Jays on Sunday at Toronto's Rogers Centre.

This is the only problem with the incident. Letting the idiot media get a hold of it so that they could make a big deal out of it. The team just lost 4 straight games to the Toronto Blue Jays. They scored 5 fucking runs. Let's talk about blow-up dolls, which are the real issue.

And on Monday, Guillen defended the display (which had since been taken down), rationalizing that the team treats female reporters respectfully, and besides, he has seen a lot worse during his big-league career. So what's the big deal, anyway?

These might be the most rational thoughts to ever emanate from Ozzie Guillen's mouth. Thank you Ozzie. Look Carol, they're a bunch of young guys. This shit is going to happen. You really think that the locker room of every sports team isn't chalk-full of sexist humor?

Apparently the sensitivity training classes Guillen attended after using a gay slur in 2006 did not include a segment on blow-up dolls.

Bud Selig, this is a problem! Why the hell didn't you make sure Ozzie Guillen got a lecture on blow-up dolls for calling Jay Mariotti a fag? What a load of malarkey....

Just so we're clear, had there been any female reporters working Sunday's game -- my understanding is there weren't -- the Sox could have found themselves in legal trouble as a result of the display.

And so would have begun the Canadian Version of the Supreme Court case of Women who can't take a joke v Chicago White Sox

It's also possible male reporters were offended by the display.

Possible....how? What thing with a penis would give a damn about that?

But this isn't about reporters' feelings.

Coulda fooled me thus far.

Reporters are conduits to the fans. What a team does behind closed doors is its own business. But once the locker room opens, the franchise is on public display. So, how do you like your team now, Sox fans?

I uh....I guess I'd be upset they just lost 4 straight games to the Toronto Blue Jays, a team no better than "meh" despite possibly having the best pitching in the American League. Now they're in 2nd place, and I'm displeased with them.

Do you think the players respect women? I'm not so sure about that.

FINE. Okay? FINE. The White Sox are currently in motherfucking last place in the "respecting women" standings. Dead last in the AL Central. They're 65 SJB (Sexist jokes back) of the Kansas City Royals. No one ever thinks they're going to win the World Series of Morality ever again. Now if we could just get back to the fact that Jesse Litsch made the White Sox look downright foolish on Saturday....

Can you imagine the Yankees or Red Sox building a similar shrine in their locker room, in full view of clubhouse visitors? Can you imagine Joe Girardi or Terry Francona allowing that to happen? I can't.

Why did you have to say "Yankees or Red Sox"? Why? Can't you say like "Diamondbacks or Mariners"? Is there some sort of standard for conduct that the Red Sox and Yankees set for the entire league? Are those teams known for their clean knock-knock jokes or something? Oh wait, no, I've got it. Yankees and Red Sox clubhouses have blow-up dolls of women that are wearing full-blown business suits and are getting a promotion from a nearby CEO blow-up doll (which may or may not be female). And whenever a player walks by the doll, he looks at it with earnest eyes and says....

"I respect you as my equal."

While Guillen has no problem with the shrine, he has definite issues with where the Sox rank in this two-team baseball city. His Sunday sermon proved that.

The manager's more concerned about the success of the organization than sex jokes! Fire him!

That's not to let the players off the hook. Who among them thought this was a good idea? How could the so-called team leaders -- Paul Konerko, Jim Thome, Mark Buehrle, Orlando Cabrera and Nick Swisher -- allow this this to happen?

They want the team to do well, so they're trying to lift the team's spirits? They're doing whatever they feel is necessary to turn the team around, Carol. If they think that'll get the positive waves going, let them do it. Who gives a shit?

To think there wasn't a single player man enough to stand up and say, ''This is wrong.''

That man is Alexei Ramirez. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to travel to Canada with the team.

There's also rumors that Scott Linebrink was complaining about it, but everyone just laughed him out of the clubhouse for being a pussy.

I'm sure the players' moms, wives, sisters and daughters are really proud of them. Way to go, guys.

I'm sure none of them give a shit. And I mean it.

And just so we're clear, the tired ''boys will be boys'' excuse no longer works.

Do you have a reason for that? Are you Supreme Arbiter for Human Morality Affairs? Seriously, who the fuck are you to say these things?

Side note: You loooooooooooove the "And just so we're clear" phrase. Keep repeating it! It makes you sound like you have some sort of justification for things you say! It's making you a stronger writer by the second!

But it starts at the top. I'm pretty sure Guillen was born without a sensitivity chip, but what about general manager Ken Williams and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf?

I think it's funny that Carol here (can't remember your last name by now, because you're a no-name writer who probably blames that on men being promoted over you) feels that GM Kenny Williams and owner Jerry Reinsdorf have "monitor clubhouse sex jokes" in their job description.

What about commissioner Bud Selig, who ordered Guillen's 2006 sensitivity training? Verbal or not, intended or not, the blow-up doll shrine said a mouthful about how the Sox organization views women. And I don't like what I heard.

You're only fooling yourself if you think Major League Baseball players on any other teams are any different towards women.

Ozzie, You Can't Say Things Like This, They Don't Make Any Sense

I'm sorry folks....I'm exposed to more White Sox journalism than any other sports team. But this is just completely and totally unacceptable. In response to Juan Uribe's frustration at the Orlando Cabrera trade....

"Juan might not understand why we [brought] in Cabrera," he said. "We need leadership. We [didn't] bring a shortstop. We [brought] in a player.

Guillen is of course referring to the Great Shortstop Rebellion of 2004, after which "shortstop" and "baseball player" became mutually exclusive categories. Uribe is the former, Cabrera, the latter.

Jerry Owens is not a lock to start at center field and as the team's leadoff hitter. But Guillen made it clear on Friday that Owens stands as a strong bet to break camp with the team in some capacity.

"Owens has a great shot to be up there," Guillen said. "He gives me speed, and I never thought this kid would play center field the way he did for us. But he proved me wrong."

I never thought Owens could ever be a significantly below average, -11 FRAA over 3/5 a season CF either, but he proved me wrong as well. Baseball is just full of suprises, isn't it?

If Jerry Owens gets the majority of the playing time over Carlos Quentin this year, Ozzie Guillen should not only be fired, but fed to Jay Mariotti. Literally. Fed.

Somehow, "WRONG" Just Isn't A Strong Enough Word....

It's a quickie from Mariotti's 24/7 EXCLUSIVE ONLINE COLUMN DUUUDES!

Torre would revive fading Sox

No. Good players and centerfielders not named Jerry would revive fading Sox. Signing A-Rod. Getting Rowand back. These things. Not Torre.

If the White Sox hired Joe Torre, I'd like their chances of winning 90 games next year.

For those of you new to this site, this sentence is why us crazies believe that Jay Mariotti should be fired on the spot.

Considering the best White Sox are either in their prime or past it (and their young players have very little upside), an extra year of aging would peg the same team to do a little worse this year. This means that Jay Mariotti thinks that Joe Torre's handwriting on the lineup sheet is worth more than 18 wins.

He would re-focus them, lead them like men, manage with dignity and end the circus-like silliness that has dogged this team the last season and a half.

Ah, there's the issue. Jerry Owens isn't bad at baseball....he's just not focused! Juan Uribe doesn't walk because he thinks he's in the circus! Jose Contreras can't get people out because he's not being led like a man! Bravo sir, nail on the head!

Torre would turn underachievement

*exact, spot-on, predicted achievement.

into purpose and have the Sox right back in contention, even with the Indians and Tigers in the same division.

The Indians are better at every position except right field, (Dye > Gutierrez) first base (Konerko > Garko) and third base (healthy Crede > Blake). Thome vs Hafner is essentially a wash over past 3 years. Indians have better starters, Indians have a better bullpen.

The Tigers are better everywhere but first (Konerko > Casey), DH (Thome > Iron Sheff) and left (Fields > black hole). Inge v Crede is basically a wash. The Tigers have better starters, the Tigers have a better bullpen.

None of this matters because the Sox would have: Torre.

But, oh, I forgot. They gave Ozzie Guillen an extension through 2012.

Rats. They did? You should write a really bad article about that sometime.

Torre is class. Torre is a winner who won four World Series championships and six American League pennants.

Torre won them. Not Jeter, not Bernie, not Posada, not Pettitte, not Mariano, not Scotty-B (looool!), not Tino, not D-Cone, the Rocket, Spence, or Chuck Knobby-knees. It was all because of Torre's winnery-ness.

Torre is a good man who made the clubhouse a comfortable place for most players, a near-impossibility in New York.

For this he deserves credit, but he is not worth 20 wins.

Torre is a no-nonsense professional who completely would transform the image of the franchise from the current tone of immature, hot-tempered, blustery idiocy.

It's ironic because most of Jay's writing can be classified under one or more of the following: (1) immature, (2) hot-tempered, (3) blustery idiocy. This one is just (3). My favorite example of (1) was when he devoted an entire column to talking about how some comedian called Rex Grossman a "retarded vagina".

But, oh, I forgot. They gave Ozzie Guillen an extension through 2012.

Heard you the first time. Jay is under the false pretense that repeating the same sarcasm makes his writing better.

Someone will hire Torre to manage. It was time for him to go in New York, but not before he showed us the size of his heart by pulling a Johnny Paycheck and telling George Steinbrenner and Sons, ``Take this job and shove it.'' Shame on the Steinbrenner clan for first making Torre twist in the wind, then offering him a paycut after all his fine duties in reaching the playoffs 12 straight years. How wonderful to see Torre prioritize pride over pinstripes and pay. After all those years of maniacally firing managers -- to be precise, 20 changes between 1973 and 1995, including Billy Martin more times than we can count -- The Boss and his kids had it shoved up their tails. A lot of people lived vicariously through the gumption of Torre, the first manager ever to fire Steinbrenner.

Can someone check some sports news sites and see if any of this actually happened? I've been watching ESPN for 3 days straight and I haven't heard a thing about it.

I'd love to have that kind of man's man on the South Side.

But, oh, I forgot. They gave Ozzie Guillen an extension through 2012.

Fools.

For the love of shit. Ozzie doesn't hit. He doesn't pitch. He doesn't field. There aren't any plays to draw up in baseball. All he does is decide when to bunt (poorly), decide who bats where in the order (poorly), and decide when to pull certain pitchers to insert certain others (very well). He's not a good manager. He's also 0% of the reason the White Sox took a dive. Got it?

I suppose we should have a parade at this point. This is the first article Jay has written about the White Sox in months that did NOT make a nonsensical reference to July 2, 2006!

Guys, I've Done Everything I Can, He Won't Shut Up

Yesterday, the White Sox signed Ozzie Guillen through 2012.

You all know what this means.

Uh oh.

I haven't even read this article yet. I can tell you in advance that it's bad enough for posting.

Well, it was nice knowing the Chicago White Sox, who officially have become an irrelevant laughingstock after turning a one-hit wonder into a long-term blunder.

You mean that they signed Carl Everett, Scott Podsednik, Neal Cotts, Cliff Politte, and Jose Contreras long-term? Those crazy White Sox....those guys are one-hit wonders!

Oh sorry. You meant the manager. He doesn't play.

They've handed a five-year contract to their clown act of a manager, Ozzie Guillen, even though he presides over what is dollar-for-dollar and loss-for-loss the most underachieving, unwatchable team in Major League Baseball history.

Jay's definition of "unwatchable" should be discarded, seeing as how he never watches any sports games. And as for underachieving, what was that PECOTA record of the Sox again? All together now, we've heard me say it soooo many times. Don't scroll down, I bet you can get it from memory.

...

...

..

.

72-90.

See how he just writes the same article over and over again?

They've entrusted him with the keys to the asylum even though their record since July 2 of last year, in one of the monumental flip-flops we've seen in sports, is a revealing 98-129.

July 2, 2006

Scene: Jay's Office

Jay Mariotti: How long has it been, Justina?

Jay's Receptionist: Since when?

Jay Mariotti: Since he called me a fag.

Jay's Receptionist: Hmmm....June 20th was almost 2 weeks ago, why?

Jay Mariotti: I need to get back at him.....maybe I should mock his performance somehow? No. That won't work. I don't watch baseball. I need to find a way to show the world he's a lousy manager while knowing nothing about how he affects the team.

Jay's Receptionist: I....just kind of like, answer the phone.

Jay Mariotti: Dammit Cristina, you're no help!

Jay's Receptionist: Yeesh! Well why don't you just draw two columns on a piece of paper and start putting one tally in the left column for a win and one tally on the right for a loss? Then count them all up every day you want to write, and if it's bad for Ozzie Guillen....then....you have your story!

Jay Mariotti: You're a life saver, Christy!

Jay's Receptionist: I'm Rachel......

They've reanointed him the face of the franchise even though the Sox, failing miserably to capitalize on what now can be termed an aberrational 2005, have resumed their traditional identity as the distant No. 2 team in this Cubs fortress.

Here's a thought....ummm....the Cubs....play in a different divison and league, than....the Sox!

(This means, Jay, that the fact that the White Sox are last in the AL Central means more to them than whether or not they are worse than the Cubs)

They've conveniently ignored that a $109 million payroll, without major injuries or calamity, has produced a ghastly 61 wins this season -- way down there with Florida ($30 million) and Tampa Bay ($24 million) among the majors' worst records.

No major injuries. Huh.

White Sox Players Who Have Been Hurt in 2007

Scott Podsednik
Darin Erstad
Jim Thome
Jermaine Dye
Joe Crede (missed almost the whole year!)
Pablo Ozuna (ditto!)

But other than 5 starters and their most used bench player....nah, no major injuries. To be fair, none of those people called you a fag (as far as you know!), so there was no real reason for you to be paying attention to them anyway.

They've stood behind him even when he has embarrassed a city, a sport and two nations, including his native Venezuela, with his immature, insensitive and vapid ramblings.

Not only does this mark the 143rd time that Jay has used this sentence since July 2 of last year, it's complete and utter bullshit hyperbole as well!

And in the biggest of blind spots, they've extended Guillen despite the probable offseason availability of Tony La Russa, who never would have allowed the Sox to collapse the last two seasons and surely would point a talented team toward the playoffs next year. If La Russa can keep the St. Louis Cardinals in contention through their constant storm of tragedies and crises, imagine how he might whip the Sox into quick shape.

Excuse me, Jay, but in what way did La Russa keep the St. Louis Cardinals in contention? Did La Russa have something to do with Rick Ankiel coming back and OPS-ing the life out of the baseball? Did La Russa use his magnetic personality to drag the Milwaukee Brewers and Chicago Cubs down from the peak of their season to the dregs of the NL Central? La Russa did this? Really?

To La Russa's credit, the Cardinals are outperforming their Pythagenport by 5 games. But let's not confuse his efforts with "regression to the mean of the Brewers and Cubs".

As I've written and said often, Guillen and Williams -- and, of course, Reinsdorf -- are too concerned with what is written and said. But the Blizzard lost me Tuesday when he acknowledged he altered his managing style and became softer this year because of criticism directed at him last year. In what generally is a town of benign sports media, Guillen has only one regular critic: me.

Yes, Jay, you're the only person in Chicago that consistently says negative thing about Ozzie. All hail Jay Mariotti, defender of all that is true! This is possibly the most blind and egotistical claim that you've ever made. A lot of people criticize him in Chicago, and almost ALL of them do a better job than you. Here's a good example of why.

Nationally, where sports media are less boosterish, he has more critics. How stunning to see a man with opinions on everything -- a loudmouth willing to take on the world -- tone down his act behind closed doors because he couldn't take the heat.

And they're rehiring him for five more years?

Okay, what do you want the man to do? You tell him over and over that he's a vulgar, despicable loudmouth, and then now, in response to that criticism, he's toning down his act. And now you're criticizing him for that too??? You've gone beyond not making sense. This is fucking pathetic. The worst part is, you only wrote it because you're a fucking baby who couldn't let Ozzie's insults from last year slide. Who is it again that can't take the heat???? Keep firing bullets from the cheap seats Jay, I fucking can't wait for the next one.

(I HATE defending Ozzie Guillen)

I Mean, It IS the Title of the Site, Right?

My apologies for hitting the same guy twice in one day. But as soon as I finished the last post, I noticed he had published this garbage. I'm starting to agree with Jay/Chris W. on the "Fire Ozzie" issue, so his point is right, but Jay sinks ridiculously low in this one. I'll save time and just cut out the highlights.

I am genuinely concerned that Ozzie Guillen is about to say or do something that will shame him and his bosses forever. Hey, have I been wrong about him yet?

You are constantly wrong about him. I can think of maybe two things in the past you have said about Ozzie that were not wrong.

Not only is this man-child a poor loser, he's a scary loser, capable of who knows what as the $108 million White Sox stumble to one of the most underachieving and farcical seasons in baseball history.

Again, Williams paid the wrong players too much. Preseason predicted record: 72-90. I am starting to repeat myself as much as Jay.

[Please] note that the more he lights into his ballplayers, the further they go into the tank. After their 18th loss in 23 games Thursday evening, there is only one sensible conclusion about Guillen's leadership breakdowns amid a 94-122 nosedive since July 2 of last year.

Record of the Sox since July 2 of last year. There it is again. People, this is getting ridiculous. I bet most of you thought I was exaggerating last time when I said he mentions this in every single White Sox column.

He must be fired. Now, today, yesterday -- before the Sox lose every fan they cultivated two years ago.

You openly said last week that you weren't advocating firing him right now.

''Don't like me but win for me, and everything will be fine,'' he said. ''I'd rather they say that than, 'Oh, Ozzie is great, he's my friend, he love my kids and we're in last place.' [Expletive] that. When they see my wife, I hope they say, 'Look at that [expletive], that's Ozzie's wife, she's [married] to a piece of [expletive] like him.' Good, as long as in October we have the trophy. That's what I want.''

My God, is nothing sacred in his life? Yes, it's clubhouse boys' talk, but it's also another example of how clueless he is about handling adversity.

You are a fat, white, middle-aged man in a suit with a cushy job writing about sports. And you have the fucking nerve to tell someone belonging to an ethnic minority who is under the public eye and criticized constantly that he has no idea how to handle adversity. Mariotti, you have no fucking clue what adversity is.

Wednesday, he sounded hideous when he said, here in the 21st century, that his team is ''killing'' him, ''killing'' his family, ''killing'' his coaching staff, ''killing'' the fans, ''killing'' the owner and ''killing everyone.'' No one is dying here, chief. If the Sox have faded into their usual irrelevance, after a brief and aberrational run as champs, let's keep in mind that no lives have been spared.

Jay's Editor: Uhhh, Jay, you might want to change the last word of that paragraph.

Jay: Shut up Jeffrey. I don't need an editor.

Jay's Editor: But you see, you just wrote that no lives were spared, which means everyone is dead, the exact opposite of your point. I think you meant "no lives have been lo-"

Jay: Dammit Jeffrey, you've pissed me off more times since July 2nd of last year than I can even count. Get out of my face, you're fired.

Jay's Editor: Fine! You smell awful! I wonder if Mike Celizic needs an editor.....

But what really should bother us about his latest tirade is that Guillen, more strongly than ever, continues to harshly deflect blame onto his players. In truth, he is primarily responsible for the dismal, lifeless culture that has produced a 28-games-under-.500 reversal since the Sox ruled the baseball world.

You could put the best leader in history in charge of the White Sox, and they would still be awful. I don't know how else to explain it.

Just so you know, the perfect replacement could be available, too. Don't you think La Russa would whip them into shape? You may remember him as a young buck who managed the Sox to a division title in 1983. He was fired three years later by Hawk Harrelson, who somehow was dumber as a general manager than as a Reinsdorf-bobo broadcaster, and he went on to a Hall of Fame career in Oakland and St. Louis. This would be a nice way to rectify one mistake.

And eliminate another.

Right. OK. Sure. Tony La Russa could fix the White Sox. Totally uncrazy. Normal. Sane. Cool. That has about the same chance of happening as Michael Jackson fixing the national debt or Paris Hilton stopping the war in Iraq.

When the "Fag" Fires Back at the "Blizzard"

I've been quieter lately here, because last Saturday I moved out of my parents' basement and into an apartment (which is basement-less, so clearly, less blogging), and setting it up has been kinda hectic. But as long as Jay writes stuff like this, I can take a break from the toils and tribulations of apartment life and get angry enough to throw some disapproval his way. Again, it's about the Sox being bad, so the buzzwords are 1) "Blizzard of Oz" and 2) Record of the Sox since July 2 of last year,

No farewell to Ozzie?
The Sox failure of 2007 should put Guillen on a short leash, but Jerry's kid could get an extension. Sometimes, loyalty is bad business.


Mariotti's failure of 2007 to focus on any aspect of the White Sox besides Ozzie Guillen should put the Chicago Sun-Times on a short leash, but Mariotti could be around for years. Sometimes, stupidity and ignorant ramblings are a bad business.

I mean come on, even ESPN has paid a ton of attention to the Sox and the reasons they're faltering this year. Even if a lot of it had to do with the trade deadline, we have a network that usually ignores the less-popular teams and has to cover the entire league that has been a better source of informed opinions about the White Sox than a columnist that writes for the city's newspaper. No, Ozzie is not a good manager, but the best manager in baseball would not turn the White Sox into a good team, or even a .500 team.

They are, in a word, rotten. Not only have the White Sox underachieved like no other team in baseball, they've sunk to the crusty bowels of the American League Central, now trailing a small-market club in Kansas City that has spent $40 million less. Since July 2 of last season, the Sox are 91-114, meaning Jerry Reinsdorf is getting the least bang for his buck of any owner in the majors.

Obligatory reference #2. I'm going to second Mariotti's motion that whether or not a team makes the playoffs should not be determined by a single-season won/loss record, but by "team record since July 2 of last season" (for the non-frequent readers, of me/Jay, this appears in pretty much every White Sox article he writes).

Oh, and just so you know, the White Sox have not underachieved worth shit. Projected preseason record: 72-90. Winning percentage: .444 Current winning percentage: .443 They have not significantly over or under achieved. They have simply "achieved".

And yet, Jerry still loves Ozzie. You almost want to carve that into a tree and surround it with a heart, or scribble it in marker inside a bathroom stall.

You know what was even better? That time when Ozzie carved "Jay Mariotti <3 Men" into our minds last year!

''I can tell you that right now. Oswaldo Guillen, I love him,'' Reinsdorf said at the owners meetings, reaffirming that his manager's job is safe.

The fact Reinsdorf was asked by an out-of-town reporter, in Toronto, verifies that the Blizzard of Oz's shoddy performance the last two seasons is relevant beyond Chicago.

No, it verifies that news reporters outside of Chicago are still doing their jobs and trying to find news to report on the news for the purpose of news-reporting.

And that's the first of what will be many "reference #1"s. Ozzie Guillen is a Blizzard that lives in the fictional land of Oz. He's the mysterious witch of the south that didn't appear in the movie, where it is always cold, because he's always blowing snow in your face.

How many other managers allow a large-payroll, high-talent team to collapse into a lifeless, embarrassing blob?

Jose Contreras: 6.18 ERA. Old?: Yes
Nick Masset: 7.09 ERA
Mike MacDougal: 5.40 ERA
Matt Thornton: 5.45 ERA
David Aardsma: 6.40 ERA

So LIFELESS.

Bobby Jenks: Weight: 275

So BLOBBY.

(These things are all Ozzie's fault).

If this were happening in New York, Joe Torre's job status would be a constant subject, despite his four World Series titles. If this were happening in Boston, Terry Francona's hide would be smoking, despite his curse-breaking World Series championship. In most large-market situations, no manager can miss the playoffs in successive seasons and waste $100 million payrolls without being held accountable.

Maybe it's Kenny Williams' fault for spending that money where it isn't merited? Ever think of that? Maybe Kenny Williams paid too much for bad players! Kenny Willaims chooses where to spend the money. Kenny Williams. Kenny-Dub.

Jose Contreras: .7 WARP1
Scott Podsednik: .3 WARP1
Alex Cintron: -.7 WARP1

Total salary on the above 3 players who were projected to be bad this year: $13.8M
Total wins contributed: .3 above what 3 minor league players would have done.

But Jerry still loves Ozzie, like Romeo loved Juliet and Desi loved Lucy. But Jerry still loves Ozzie, like Romeo loved Juliet and Desi loved Lucy. Only on the South Side, apparently, does one World Series ring in 88 years of trying merit a free pass for the manager. Never mind that the Sox have lost eight straight games for the first time since the Jerry Manuel era -- he eventually was fired, I believe -- and just finished their first winless road trip involving six-plus games in 16 years. The beloved Blizzard couldn't possibly have anything to do with his team quitting like dogs, even though the manager is responsible for maximizing his talent. Not that the Blizzard agrees with that sports truth.

He doesn't have anything to do with the players being bad. That group of players was projected to lose 90 games this year by PECOTA. They're right on pace.

Except for a flash of destiny in October of 2005, the Sox have been a disappointing team in three of Guillen's other three seasons. I'm not declaring that he necessarily should be fired now -- I repeat: I'm not declaring that he necessarily should be fired now -- but for an owner to openly convey his unconditional love to a manager is dumb business.

You have been declaring that he should "necessarily be fired now" all season long. You have gone home every night and prayed to statues of Jerry Manuel and Terry Bevington that he would be gone. You've purchased a Jerry Reinsdorf voodoo doll to try to get it to happen. You have blamed every single failure of the White Sox on that man. Why are you trying to pretend that these things aren't true now? And you haven't qualified why an owner saying he loves his manager is bad business, not like I'd expect you to explain anything coherently anyway.

Reinsdorf seems to be more interested in protecting Guillen than evaluating the job he's doing. This isn't Milwaukee, Jerry. When a team is in Chicago, the World Series should be an annual expectation, not once in a lifetime.

Yes, for some reason, in Chicago, a city where exactly one World Series has been won in the past 89 years, the World Series should be an annual expectation. Not like in Milwaukee, where they just dick around all day and have sausage races. Chicago is one of those "trying" cities. Making perfect sense as usual, Jay!

And if the Sox keep losing in '08 at the same .443 clip, right down there with some of baseball's sickliest clubs, how can an owner of sound mind possibly bring back Guillen for several more seasons?

If the Sox are projected to lose more than 90 games next year, which is entirely possible, then a lot of sound minds would refuse to fire a manager of an overperforming team.

The Sox likely will try to trade Garland in the offseason, now that the free-agent market has been weakened by the signings of Mark Buehrle and Carlos Zambrano, and my guess is, he'll return to top form with his next team. Why? He never has seemed particularly happy with the Sox, recalling the day last year when Guillen wanted Garland to play OzzieBall -- that is, plunk a Texas batter in juvenile tit-for-tat warfare -- and he responded by twice missing Ian Kinsler.

So....Garland has never been happy with the White Sox because Guillen, one time last year, asked him to hit a guy. And....this lack of happiness is the reason that Garland was very good in the early part of this year and very bad in recent memory, even though the early part of this year was closer time-wise to the event in question that supposedly traumatized him. Cool. Glad I'm on the same page with your completely sane, sensible logic.

You'll hear much about the Sox pursuing Torii Hunter or Aaron Rowand in the offseason. But one free-agent signing won't solve what ails them. The Blizzard has lost his mojo, and whether you take seriously his immature phone calls to radio stations or irresponsible slurs of his imagined enemies, you must acknowledge that the entire package has been turned stale by losing. I've always said Guillen's act would be accepted if he won and rejected if he lost.

Yes, good free agents won't help a team that's like 50% full of minor-league quality players, because the manager has "lost his mojo".

Also: Guillen is losing, and his act is accepted, because he's possibly getting an extension. Accepted by who...you? You are possibly the least relevant thing in the world to the mainstream line of thinking. People don't like you Jay, all I hear when I bring up Jay Mariotti's name is "Ugh, I hate that guy, he should be fired. There should be a blog of some sort on the internet that says he should be fired." Chicago, and the world in general, does not share your line of thinking, regardless of what stupid mental images exist in your head of people being mindless drones that drool when you speak and cling to your every word.

This Guy Fills Out the Lineup Card With the Worst of Them

Just as the Cubs's swift turnaround is Lou's doing, Jay feels everything wrong with the White Sox falls on Ozzie.

Hold Ozzie accountable

Finger of blame needs to be pointed at their popular manager when burned-out Sox lack energy, focus, commitment, passion

No. Finger of blame falls on underperforming players, aging players, injuries, and the front office not doing anything about it.

Not that managers tend to have more than like a 2-game influence on a team's final record, but if I had to rank MLB managers, I'd toss Ozzie just slightly below the middle of the road. He's not as stupid as the things he says. It's just that his glaring weaknesses get ridiculed while his main strength gets ignored.

Start with the weaknesses. He runs his players into outs. He doesn't care about on-base percentage as long as you can run. He bunts and sacrifice hits excessively because he doesn't understand that, especially with a team that projects to hit a lot of HR, it's dumb to trade an out for a base. In essence, he's a poor offensive manager.

There's one very important thing he should get credit for. Ozzie, historically, has had a very low tendency to abuse his starting pitchers, removing them almost always before the dangerous 120-pitch mark regardless of performance. The way Ozzie keeps his starting pitchers healthy and durable came in handy in 2005, when the playoffs proved that there were no signs of fatigue after a long season.

More than once, I've been asked this spicy little question on national TV and radio: Should the White Sox fire Ozzie Guillen? And each time, I wasn't the only one who considered it a very fair subject, with two out-of-town commentators and a distant talk-show host suggesting the Blizzard of Oz blow away amid a revealing 76-92 demise since last July.

So like, 3 dudes agree with you, and you can't even provide their names. And for those who like to keep track, this paragraph contains the obligatory "Blizzard of Oz" reference. Seriously, explain to me how a hothead like Ozzie is a "blizzard". Just because it rhymes with "wizard" doesn't make it clever.

Only in Chicago is it considered a moot and even blasphemous point, mostly because hypnotized media sheep let Sox management dictate their thoughts instead of thinking independently.

Let me ask you something, Jay. When a person always takes the viewpoint controversial to the mainstream as you do, is that thinking independent? No, no it is not. Your opinions are one hundred per-fucking-cent dependent on what most people DON'T think.

As the slip-slide continues, chairman Jerry Reinsdorf has made it clear his beloved manager isn't part of the blame, which prompts general manager Ken Williams to echo the executive-suite sentiment, which prompts local mouthpieces to disseminate Soxpaganda.

Soxpaganda....weak sauce, dude, weak.

Truth is, while Williams let fungus grow on the ballclub and has been slow to the acquisition switch since last summer's trade deadline,

Stop, stop right here. This is the one time you are right in this entire article. Williams made no effort to win now with a win-now team. He decided to watch them age instead, and not address gaping holes at SS, LF, and CF (no, Erstad is NOT a solution....contenders don't compete by replacing bad players with slightly less bad players). Too bad that's a comma there after "deadline" and not a period.

the Sox still have underperformed by eight to 10 games in each of their last two halves of baseball.

Actually Jay, when you're given the aging of the team's players, the fact that Dye, Crede, and Thome had coincidental career years last year and were bound for regression, and the fact that the bullpen way overperformed in both 2005 and 2006, it's pretty reasonable to expect the team to lose 90 games like PECOTA projected. Do you really think that Ozzie is to blame for Dye's .227 EqA or injuries to Dye, Thome, Crede, Erstad, and Podsednik? (Granted the last two suck, but the guys replacing them are even worse) Do you?

And for that flaw, yes, you should fault Guillen.

Yes, despite the fact that there are 6 above-average players on the team this year, it's Guillen's fault that they aren't winning. A couple others (Terrero, Danks, Podsednik when healthy) have been mediocre, and everyone else has been bad-to-terrible. Granted, Ozzie doesn't put high OBP guys at the top of the lineup, in front of HR-hitting guys, like he should, but remember this fact, Jay....HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY. HE HAS TWO ABOVE AVERAGE HITTERS ON THE ENTIRE TEAM.

You should because the Sox too often lack energy, focus, commitment and passion -- variables that are his daily responsibility. They look burned out, and don't discount the possibility that he personally has applied the burnout with his nonstop onslaught of episodes, incidents, stunts, slurs and F-bombs.

You know, I bet the Sox players didn't injure themselves. Guillen's stunts and slurs caused Joe Crede to undergo season-ending surgery. His F-bombs accelerated the aging process. Because of Guillen's lack of responsibility, Juan Uribe is sporting a passionless, burned-out .219 EqA and is still the club's best option to play everyday at shortstop. (somehow, that number is lower than last years' when he had a .257 OBP)

When a team wins a World Series, follows with a 53-27 record in last year's first half and then takes one of the most sudden and bizarre nosedives I've seen in sports, the manager should be front and center on any accountability list.

Here's the problem with Jay's columns. He only really says one thing throughout the entire article. Each new sentence, paragraph, etc. is just a new way of repeating his wrong opinions. For example, this one right here, I could just reply like this again, because he hasn't said anything new.....

"Yes, despite the fact that there are 6 above-average players on the team this year, it's Guillen's fault that they aren't winning. A couple others (Terrero, Danks, Podsednik when healthy) have been mediocre, and everyone else has been bad-to-terrible. Granted, Ozzie doesn't put high OBP guys at the top of the lineup, in front of HR-hitting guys, like he should, but remember this fact, Jay....HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY. HE HAS TWO ABOVE AVERAGE HITTERS ON THE ENTIRE TEAM.

You know, I bet the Sox players didn't injure themselves. Guillen's stunts and slurs caused Joe Crede to undergo season-ending surgery. His F-bombs accelerated the aging process. Because of Guillen's lack of responsibility, Juan Uribe is sporting a passionless, burned-out .219 EqA and is still the club's best option to play everyday at shortstop. (somehow, that number is lower than last years' when he had a .257 OBP)"

The Sox program is stale, flat and not worth the price of admission, much less a $108 million payroll outlay that ranks fifth in the major leagues. So how do you not point at least a finger or two at Guillen?

Because Ozzie Guillen doesn't have anything to do with on whom that $108M is spent? You know what, forget it, I'm not here. Ignore that stupid, unreasonable blind guess of mine. Ozzie's fault. You win.

Even if he shoots a middle finger back.

::chirp::

The Sox have not capitalized on their championship, fading quickly as a local story and losing much ground in their stated quest to dent into the Cubs' massive popularity.

When was that quest announced? I'm curious, when the hell did they decide that was more important than winning?

TV ratings have dropped dramatically -- not helped by a depressing Hawk Harrelson, who goes silent for long stretches during losing skids -- and the organization seems to be in a panic state.

If it weren't so funny, I'd wish Mariotti and Harrelson would quit vying for the immortal title of "I'm not as much of a dumbass as he is."

The Guillen era has been fun and triumphant, but it also was a one-and-done proposition filled with headaches.

Name one team that has won the World Series twice in the past 7 years.

I don't even want to continue with this. Running short on time, and all this nonsense makes my head hurt.