I'm Always Up For the Challenge

I could explain my absence, but instead I give you Daryl Reaugh.

Here's a thought for your Monday morning:

Wouldn't it be a better game if every minor penalty was paid for with a penalty shot?

No. It wouldn't. But I'll still read on, because he might be going somewhere with this. (You already know he isn't, but it's fun to pretend!)

Instead of 5 guys standing around passing the puck and sporadically shooting it just put the pill at center and have the confrontation that thrills the paying faithful - shooter vs goalie.

The paying faithful is really only thrilled in this situation if they cheer for the shooter in the equation. So the idea looks to be that only the road team gets penalized so that paying fans are thrilled.

My epiphany would produce five to fifteen moments of signicance during a game. It would offer immediate gratification. It might be a stronger deterrent to the hooking and holding. And it would inevitably boost scoring.

NHL games do lack a lot of signicance.

His epiphany also would produce a lot more anger towards refs, because one or two penalties would decide the outcome of a lot of games. Wins and losses should really be decided by the players and not the refs. One could make the argument that refs already decide the outcome of games because of the power play, but that's not what I'm here to do.

So, tell me why its an idiotic idea.

You can't can you?

NHL adhere.

Razor be with you.

It's an idiotic idea.

I am a real American, fight for what's right, fight for your life!

It's been a little bit since I hockeyed everything up a bit here, so let's get right to business.

Daryl Reaugh... what a jackass. Usually I just link to a post out of common courtesy, but you really need to take a look at this post. There's a picture in the post. It's Daryl Reaugh with Mike Modano. For starters, Modano is in the Stars' home jersey, which clearly spells out for the home town fans that the team plays in Dallas. But who really posts a picture of them standing next to a player like that?

But wait... there's more. He types, too!

Lovely ceremony last night for #9. He was showered with love, and praise, and admiration -and gifts, lots and lots of gifts. By the end of the night I figured all that was left was for his chat-line buddy President Bush to commission a fourth head at Mt. Rushmore.

(1) Are chat lines still operational? From what I remember, the last ones died out with young coeds singing "Pick up the phone!" at me at 2AM. Now all I see at 2AM are midget brothers flipping houses.
(2) Chat lines were guys talking to girls, right?

Oh, and then the one glaring omission:

(3) Holy shit, he thinks there are three people right now on Mount Rushmore.

This guy is making hundreds of thousands of dollars to make terrible comments about hockey for a national television station. He knows that Mt. is the abbreviation for "Mount." Three. A five year old says that sort of thing and gets on CBS. Perhaps he should get on the singles chat line with Modano and Bush to get his head put up there next to Modano's. But it only gets worse.

And to that end, where would you rank the Stars great American amongst Greatest Americans?

I don't have him higher than Lincoln, or Reagan, or Walt Disney...but I do rank him above Lucille Ball, Dr. Phil and Michael Moore.

I really love the sport of hockey. I moved away to college based on how close the place was to my team and the fact that they accepted me. I would never mistake a great hockey player as some sort of American hero.

Mike Modano has done nothing great for America. And for that matter, what exactly did Walt Disney do that was so great? Honestly, this guy has the mind of a five year old.

Am I the only one who found it strange that the NHL didn’t have a representative at the ceremony?

Yes, you are. He leads the country in scoring. It was a classy move by the organization. There is no need for anybody from the NHL to be there.

Turns out that the classy, and newly minted Hall of Famer, Jim Gregory was going to come but due to the league’s own limits on the length of pregame ceremonies (15 minutes) Stars officials had to say thanks but no thanks. (Apparently these same time limits were not in place during Mark Messier’s 45 minute retirement epic at MSG, but hey, who’s counting, and besides, that was just a cab ride not a flight during Thanksgiving).

Whenever Mike calls it a career I'm sure the Commissioner will find the time and muster the energy to get to Dallas, just as he did for Al MacInnis in St. Louis last week.

Teams can ask the NHL for more time before the game for a ceremony. It happens all the time. But the NHL is overlooking the Stars! They care for the Rangers more because they are in New York City, just like NHL HQ! It's a conspiracy! Burn them!

And a minor note - when Al MacInnis retired in St. Louis on April 9th, 2006, the NHL didn't have a representative. Gary Bettman only showed up for the tribute to Al going into the hall of fame and having a statue commissioned in his honor. Which Daryl Reaugh only knows about because he was sitting in the press box working for Versus, presumably playing on his GeoSafari and learning state capitals.

Daryl Reaugh Reveals Nuggets

A quick Amazing Kreskin impression:

Sticks.
Stones.
The words of Dallas Stars Color Commentator and official blogger Daryl Reaugh.

*tears open envelope*

Three things to use if out you're out of Charmin. HEY-OH!

Let's get down to business here. He's a ignoramus and I'm here to spell out why. His latest catastrophe is all about teams other than the Dallas Stars having a terrible message to send to people in their building. This, despite the fact that American Airlines Center has a Mariloff Diamond Ring showroom in the suites. No single event says "buy jewelry" quite like being at a game.

Here are some nuggets from the various venues where hockey, or some reasonable facsimile of the grand game, is played.

Nuggets indeed. We're in 100% agreement right now. Can we get together today?

The Sharks PR department was again busy last week, this time polishing the apple for their arena naming rights holder Hewlett Packard. A memo was sent out to all broadcasters imploring them to use the name "HP Pavilion at San Jose" when referring to the Sharks home rink instead of the popular and colorful "Shark Tank".

Guess not. I would imagine that a hockey team has a busy PR department every day during the regular season, with handling appearances, ticket donation requests, and shuffling away people who want interviews. I would also assume that the people who that the press to refer to the HP Pavilion as just that is, oh... I don't know, the company that paid $3.1 million a year until 2016 to have it named that.

Ironically, just days after the preachy e-mail HP Pavilion suffered a power outage that delayed the start of the Sharks-Bruins game. No word on whether they merely rebooted or switched the name to "Hand Written Note Pavilion at San Jose". (Suggestion to SJ PR; on hockey game nights clear it with Hewy Packard and call it "The HP Shark Tank". That'd be a nice little win-win for you little propaganda artists.)

Isn't irony used incorrectly here? I'm not a huge stickler for grammar or anything - - as I'm sure my fragments, run-ons, misspellings, and splices have shown - - but there's no irony here. Coincidence, yes. Maybe if the arena went out late at night and got a name change and then they had sent out the e-mail I would have been laughing.

The reason it's called HP Pavilion? Because that's a popular brand of laptops, Razor. It's not just a sexified Silicon Valley name for a building.

Suggestion to color commentators: Call it "HP Shark Tank" and sound like an uneducated yokel from Dallas.

Columbus has introduced a Civil War era cannon that is fired off whenever the Bluejackets score a goal. Its really friggin' loud, maybe too loud. Thank goodness Hitchcock's BJs

Get it?

offense has the sting of a moth and the lethality of squirt gun so it'll probably only be heard once or twice a night and then promptly followed by the announcement - "Columbus goal scored by number 61 Rick Nash"...

In four home games, the Dallas Stars - Razor's employer - have 14 goals. Columbus: 11. That puts them just shy of the league average of 2.87 goals/game. The civil war cannon should clear up once and for all what their team name means.

In Chicago Frank Pellico endures and delights on Hawk game nights as his fingers dance across the keys of that throaty pipe organ. There's just something about organ music and hockey that seems a marriage made for eternity. And its a welcome respite from the audio flogging fans get at every whistle. There is nothing more jarringly artificial than "cuts" from pop music followed by complete silence (or what the league refers to as "Continuous Action"). Take that 11 seconds of Maroon 5 played at a shockingly high volume and cram it in an orifice.

I've never heard Maroon 5 at a hockey game. Ever. Not even during warm ups when players choose the music. Music people at hockey games look to entertain with jokes. Player has long hair? Give the fans Aerosmith's Dude (Looks Like a Lady.) Is it Christmas? Show the other team's coach or a referee on the video board and play "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch."

Next topic, "Kiss Cam". I don't know what frustrated and voyeristic cupid started this but enough. The NHL did away with "sister kissers" when they introduced the shootout, I suggest the public displays of spit swapping or "tonsil hockey" get retooled as well. In its stead may I suggest "Fight Cam"?

What pro sports team doesn't have a kiss cam? It's an easy way to have a commercial break sponsored. I can remember the Avalanche putting Doug Weight and Scott Mellanby on their kiss cam and getting fined for it back in 2001. Weight kissed Mellanby and the fans laughed it up in Denver. Fans love Kiss Cam. Or a team can go with your idea and encourage fans to have misdemeanor assault charges pressed against them. Sounds like a great idea. The team wouldn't get in any trouble at all.

The Predators have once again spearheaded an early season trend that appears to have been adopted by almost every building in the NHL - empty seats.

Only 4 teams are below 80% capacity, and Nashville isn't one of them. Technically there are 5, but New Jersey hasn't played a home game yet. I can't say ESPN's numbers are entirely correct. 19,150 is capacity for the Blues, so that would put attendance at 100% with 3 announced sellouts.

At the Pengrowth Saddle Dome (see San Jose PR, synergy) in Calgary they ignite a couple natural gas flames to celebrate goals. When they go on the road they must forget to pack an igniter cause, like unlit gas, they stink.

Flames on the road this year: 2-1-1
Stars on the road: 1-2-1

If he's going back to last year, I can see his point (13-20-8,) but why bring it up now?

Here in Dallas I have no issues. We have good people risking lives, taking grenades in an effort to entertain you the fan in the off-chance that the hockey team does not.

I haven't been to a Stars game this year, but if they're using live ammunition this year I'm not going. I've only been to 2 Stars games in their new building. It's a shame, because they really do put on a good show and the arena is beautiful. More so if you're in the market for jewelry AND Mark Cuban flipping his shit over a call.

And besides, wouldn't the world be a much better place if we all paused for a few minutes each day and played a robust round of "Mystery Moustache"?!

I'll bite... let's put this in a real world scenario.

Listen Iraq, I know we came into your country and you don't really like us right now, but let's play "Mystery Moustache" real quick.

I don't think it'll work.

Color Commentators Operate Blogs

I suppose that I should start off by introducing myself. My name is Jarrett, and I now blog here. I'm not quite as angry as I should be to blog here, and I certainly don't care for grammar's "rules". What I do care about is hockey. Now that I've stopped everybody from reading any more, I urge the "hockey is on Versus, therefore I shouldn't care about it" crowd to wait a couple days for everybody else here to post. You'll get your kicks then. Foreplay aside, I'm here to make you read, and read you shall.

Daryl "Razor" Reaugh is the color commentator for the Dallas Stars. A former goalie in the hockey equivalent of AA baseball, he must really know his hockey. But put a computer in front of him, and this happens.

According to The Hockey News and their league sources, NHL players will be traveling more and resting less starting next season when the league does away with the unbalanced schedule and opens the regular season one week later.

Multiple high-level sources have confirmed to THN.com that the NHL will push back its starting date next season by one week, to either Oct. 9 or Oct. 10.

Sources have also indicated that the league will kick off in Europe next year with two games in Prague between the Pittsburgh Penguins and Ottawa Senators (It had previously been reported that the Penguins and Tampa Bay Lightning would play those games).

Because the whole "regular season in Europe" thing worked out so well this year. The only thing the league is doing is stealing games away from season ticket holders for the Penguins who fill the ancient igloo in Pittsburgh... but that's not why I'm targeting his comments.

This season, not including the two games played in England between the Los Angeles Kings and Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, started Oct. 3.

In order to accommodate the change, the league will further compress the schedule early in the season rather than have the season run one week longer.

My take?

Here's why I'm writing.

Schedule Change: Great news. If you have a league of 30, have all 30 play each other. (Isn't that the point of a league?)

I have to say that I agree with every part of this. The NHL really screwed up having teams play so much in their own division and not having the new line of NHL superstars playing against every team. This Saturday will be Alexander Ovechkin's first trip to St. Louis, and I'm excited.

Delayed Start: The delayed start is a step in the right direction but one week isn't enough. The NHL should seriously think about starting no earlier than Oct 15th, and preferably not until November 1st. (Let the NFL get into the ho hum middle of their schedule, same with college ball, and avoid clashes with MLB playoffs)

No. Not at all. No. Yesterday was October 15th. What a day it would have been to start the hockey season, because it wouldn't clash with baseball's playoffs at all. The NHL starts at the right time as it is. A little more than 2/3 of baseball's fans have been eliminated from their favorite team playing in the postseason. With only 16 games in their season, I would hardly call any part of it "ho hum," but that early it's hard to tell if a team is good or not, I suppose. Or go with Razor and start your season in the middle of the LCS. I don't care about any of the teams playing, but I still watch because the games can be exciting. Some nights, you are rewarded with a call that still has 30 people talking and other nights you stay up for three hours to see the Indians humiliate the Red Sox. Leave the start of the season alone.

Condensed Schedule: Call a dumbulance!

Take THAT, NHL! What a moronic move! So dumb, in fact, that a specific vehicle dispatched by 911 should be called to your schedule gurus!

The NHL doesn't need to gift their coaches a reason to play even more conservatively.

Gift suggestions: A large book of quotations that a color commentator could look at so he can turn a phrase correctly. "gift their coaches"? Let's see how he stumbles to the finish line.

I've always maintained that in order to maximize intensity two things should change; Teams should never have more game days than off days during any given week of the regular season. And, the season should be trimmed from 82 games down to 72.

A Jay Mariotti flip-flop special! You want every team to play every team, and rest in between, but you want to trim the schedule down for less games? HINT! The names of the conferences - - Eastern and Western - - denote the teams might be on the opposite side of the continent as the others! How about you change the game while you're at it? Add 3 more players per team to the ice, an extra puck, but to make sure they don't get tired, have the periods trimmed from 20 minutes to 2.