Good to see that Sportscenter continues to have its priorities in order

Like Chris W says, fuck sports. I don't watch sports for the sports. I watch them for the sidestories and other assorted drama! Turned on Sportscenter this morning for no apparent fucking reason. After seeing the "up next" sidebar, decided to start timing the segments. Here are the results listed in the order in which the segments appeared.

WHO WILL SIGN TERRELL OWENS??? AMERICA NEEDS TO KNOW BECAUSE HE IS NOT AT ALL WASHED UP: 1:45

Cardinals/Phillies: 3:36 (about 1:00 of which was dedicated to the squirrel that ran on the field at one point, lol, animals doing stuff!!!!!)

Brewers/Diamondbacks: 1:57 (including Chris Berman calling Ryan Roberts' grand slam live, God, just shoot me in the fucking face)

Brett Favre/Aaron Rodgers "controversy": 3:27

At that point I was thinking that ESPN should go straight to hell. And then they totally redeemed themselves by letting Herm Edwards and Bobby Valentine yell at each other about whether baseball or football is better for 30 seconds. Then they topped that by having Tim Kurkjian do a 45 second tongue in cheek report about various times throughout baseball history squirrels have run on the field. Best line: "This is the first time a squirrel has run on the field during two consecutive postseason games since 1920." Thanks Tim.

If You Need to Know Something, Ask the Experts

Hey, ever wondered what Terrell Owens thinks about stuff going on around the NFL which is completely unrelated to him or the team he plays for? Of course you did! He's the foremost authority on everything. For example, recently he said during a press conference that he doesn't think Mike Vick should face an NFL suspension once reinstated because Vick already spent almost two years in prison. Four minutes of Sportscenter were devoted to this, and I think we can all agree that that is an appropriate amount of time to devote to a know-nothing dipshit loudmouth team killing sociopath's opinions.

Unfortunately, during that press conference TO failed to address Brett Favre's situation. But as soon as he says something about it- because as we just agreed, anything TO says about anything is completely valid and worthy of media coverage- we will be sure to update you. In the meantime I think I'll rampantly speculate that TO thinks Favre is a great quarterback, but should only play this season if he really feels like he's physically and mentally capable of doing so.

You heard it here first, people. TO probably thinks Brett Favre should probably play this season. Probably. Maybe. Back to PNoles with more round-the-clock coverage of what's going on outside Brett Favre's house.

We Have Proof That This Is All ESPN's Fault

Applause to msnbc.com, nfl.com, foxsports.com, and cbssportsline.com, all of whom seem to understand that news isn't news unless something has actually happened.

Sorry for postblocking, pnoles.

We're Going to Keep Doing This Until They Stop

Read the following article. It's about the tactical differences between Jim Tracy and Clint Hurdle.

Just kidding. The article doesn't contain any actual news or information at all.

Sorry to obscure the importance of what you had to say, Larry.

Brett Favre Throws Perfect Game

As most of you know, Mark Buehrle threw a perfect game on Thursday. I know it's happened about 4,421 times before, but still kind of a big deal. I woke up on Friday morning, excited to watch the beginning of SC on ESPN to get a look at the highlights.

First story: Brett Favre having some misgivings about returning to play for the Vikings.

Second story: Michael Vick will find out next week whether he will be reinstated into the NFL.

After spending 5 minutes apiece on these two "stories" we hit White Sox / Rays.

It's like ESPN is a 15-year-old girl, and Brett Favre is her overly dramatic best friend.

FUCK YOU ESPN.

A Tale of Two Things I Hate

This blog is almost two years old, and I'm pretty sure we've never made a post out of a really shitty photoshop. Well, there's a first time for everything. I was feeling energetic this morning so I spent 10 minutes cranking these out. Enjoy.








I'll bet Tony Kornheiser and Peter King have huge boners right now.