Standard FireJayMariotti Template
Relocated from the Gustav aftermath, with a special shout-out to reader kclock, who is housing me temporarily and providing me with interweb access so I can get back to my regular blogolife, which is much different than my regularlife, which involves Qdoba on a regular basis, but only because it's right by my place. I hope Gustav didn't destroy it. Anyways! Enough about me!
I thought we should just have a standard template for how to produce our blog posts here, so here's the basics on how do to what we do. Don't try this at home, kids!
FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 1: Story with ridiculous headline.
Snakes on a different plane since Dunn's arrival
What? Oh, how witty! "Plane" can mean both a flying vehicle and a geometric concept! And it was a crazzzy movie involving Samuel L. Jackson, summer blockbusters and questionable ironies! I have had it up to here with these cottonpicking pop culture references I found on this cottonpicking blog! [Blogger's note: click on that link for hilarity.]
FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 2: Make fun of the writer.
Scott Miller, this is your seventh time getting served on this site - you're no Jay Mariotti or Jemele Hill, but you're creeping up the list. This post dates from Larry B's pre-capital letters era, but it's no less incisive at your incredible stupidity. I even found an old bit I wrote shortly after this blog even started, where you un-ironically dropped the phrase "True Yankee". "Senior Writer" my ass!
FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 3: Point out writer's abuse of simple baseball metrics:
Since his arrival on Aug. 12, the Diamondbacks have gone 7-5 -- and yet doubled their NL West lead on the Dodgers, from 1½ games to three.So... the Dodgers' recent spell of below .500 baseball can be directly attributed to the influence of Adam Dunn?
FireJarMariotti Blogpost Part 4: Blatantly expose writer's affection for baseball "intangibles" and devalue the writer's article as a result.
Interesting stuff, especially when measured against Dodgers coach Larry Bowa's anger at the team's blasé ways while getting swept in Philadelphia, and when measured against one scout's observation the other day that Matt Kemp, who always hustles, didn't run hard to first in a recent game. The haphazard influence of Manny Ramirez?
Anecdotal evidence, to be sure, and definitely not fair to attach it to Ramirez. But worth watching as the Diamondbacks and Dodgers race -- or, in this division, leisurely jog -- down the stretch.
If it's "definitely not fair" to attach it to Ramirez, why did you just do that, Scott?
Also, I'm pretty sure Manny's 1.235 (!) OPS for the Dodgers so far is a LOT MORE HELPFUL than Matt Kemp, who always hustles, hustling out a routine grounder.
FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 5: Harp on the writer's word choice - choosing even as small a sample as ONE WORD to demonstrate how the writer is a complete idiot.
But for a young lineup still learning how good it can be, it's a whole lot easier to put theories into action when a slugger such as Dunn lurks in the middle and guys like Reynolds no longer feel like they need to stop in a telephone booth on the way to the plate and change into Superman.Adam Dunn has never lurked anywhere, since he's 6'6". His nickname is "Big Donkey". Also, when you go to a baseball game, they post the lineup on the big scoreboard in bright lights, so everyone in the stadium, even the other team!, knows exactly when Adam Dunn is going to bat.
Also, this Mark Reynolds guy sounds pretty weird.
FireJayMariotti Blogpost Part 6: Discuss blogger's personal opinion and conclude with a parting one-liner.
I miss Adam Dunn in Cincinnati. The Reds are running a AAA outfield out there ever day, and I miss Adam Dunn's pretty impressive production. I find it hilarious that the very things for which Dunn was excoriated in Cincinnati:
- a laid-back attitude
- a predilection for walks that allegedly prevents him from driving in runs
- lack of leadership in the clubhouse
Not his .995 OPS. That has nothing to do with it.
