Ray Lewis, the NFL Lockout, and Crime

This article is just awesome. You have to wonder if the ESPN interviewer was baiting Ray Lewis into saying something stupid.

One of the consequences of a lost NFL season will be an increase in crime, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis said in a wide-raging one-on-one interview with ESPN.

Police departments everywhere are gearing up for the increase in Sunday afternoon crimes from depressed Ravens fans with nothing to do.

"Do this research if we don't have a season -- watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game," Lewis told ESPN's Sal Paolantonio.

1. "Do this research"?

2. "evil, which we call crime"?

3. "you take away our game"?

If there were a Hall of Fame for awesome quotes by athletes, this would be in it.

That's because, Lewis said, the NFL lockout affects "way more than us" -- the owners and the players.

It also affects people like this guy, who opened fire on a household appliance based on the outcome of an NFL game.

"There's too many people that live through us, people live through us," he said.

Perhaps it would actually be beneficial if people lived a little less vicariously through their NFL teams.

"Yeah, walk in the streets, the way I walk the streets, and I'm not talking about the people you see all the time."

I would like to discover just how, and when, Ray Lewis walks the streets, and I am absolutely baffled as to what kinds of people Ray Lewis IS talking about if he is not talking about people you see all the time.

Is he talking about reclusive shut-ins?

When asked why he thought crime would increase if the NFL doesn't play games this year, Lewis said: "There's nothing else to do Sal."

Life in the Ray Lewisverse:

Monday-Saturday: Await NFL Sunday.

Sunday: (a) Watch NFL football or (b) if (a) is not available, commit crimes.

Sunday is Day 68 of the lockout, which is now the longest work stoppage in NFL history. Lewis said the current dispute boils down to a matter of ego.

Coming from the man who once said:

I already believe I am the best linebacker in the game. Now, I have to show one more thing - that I am the most dominating, influential person in the game and the best football player to ever put on a pair of cleats.

I think it's safe to say that Ray Lewis knows a matter of ego when he sees one.

"It's simple, we really got to remove pride. Seriously," he said.

If only removing pride were so simple, all of our tragic heroes would never have met their downfall.

"There's no other reason the issue is going on," he said. "That's why I don't get into words and all that other stuff, because it takes away from life ... itself."

I'm glad Ray decided to get into words and all that other stuff, if only because it produced this hilarious article.

"There's people who are really struggling for real. There's real struggles out there."

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Bill Simmons: On top of things, as always

I'm not going to complain about all of Bill's lame jokes and dated references because I know he writes for ESPN, and they probably edit out a lot of good shit (although, no one put a gun to Simmons' head and forced him to re-up with ESPN). In addition, I continue to applaud Bill Simmons for being one of the first mainstream sports writers who began to question how/why Roger Clemens was having his best seasons at ages 41-43.

That all being said, I take rather serious umbrage with the following from his Friday NFL column:

RAVENS (-5) over Redskins

I can't wait for this sequence on "The Sports Reporters."

Mike Lupica: "If an aging baseball star had rejuvenated his career in a contract year like Ray Lewis did this year, to the point that he's almost UNRECOGNIZABLE compared with the has-been we've been watching the past three years ... we'd be asking all kinds of questions, wouldn't we? And that's really the difference between baseball and football, as we learned with Shawne Merriman's suspension last year. Ultimately, we don't care whether NFL players cheat or not!"

...

Lupica: "Look, I'm not saying Ray Lewis cheated. He was just the most logical example here ... unless you want to go with Rodney Harrison and the fact that they're still picking up pieces of his exploded LEFT QUADRICEP off the grass at Gillette Stadium."

So if he's the most logical example, then clearly comparing his stat lines to the past 3 years will prove what an obvious steroid user Ray Lewis is:

2005: Games: 6, Solo Tackles Per Game: 6.5, Assists Per Game: 1.33, Sacks: 1.0, INTs: 1

2006: Games: 14, Solo Tackles Per Game: 5.79, Assists Per Game: 1.57, Sacks: 5.0, INTs: 2

2007: Games: 14, Solo Tackles Per Game: 5.86, Assists Per Game: 2.71, Sacks, 2.0 INTs: 2

2008: Games: 12, Solo Tackles Per Game: 5, Assists Per Game: 1.92, Sacks: 1.0 INTs: 3

Conclusions:

1. If ever there was a time to claim Ray Lewis was on steroids, it was last year, as it's the only year out of the past 4 where his tackles and assists have gone up from the previous year.

2. Gregg Easterbrook would claim that Ray Lewis hasn't changed at all because the difference between 6.5 tackles per game and 5 tackles per game is indistinguishable to human beings.

3. Ray Lewis is on pace to double his INT total from 2006 and 2007. Might have something to do with picking 2 against Sage Rosenfels.

4. If you're not Gregg Easterbrook, then you would probably say that the only way Ray Lewis is "unrecognizable" from the past 3 years is that he's gotten worse.

5. Simmons used the following methodology for determining Ray Ray is on steroids:

"Hmm, the Ravens are above .500, and their game against the Redskins got moved to prime time. Must be that defense of theirs. Some guy from Football Outsiders mentioned that Haloti Ngata, Terrell Suggs, and Ed Reed are all really good, but that defense always comes down to Ray Lewis. Seriously, how old is that guy, like a thousand? What? He's 33? Not possible. He won a Super Bowl before the Pats dynasty started for fuck's sake! Dude is on steroids, no doubt. Shit look at the time, I need to iron my Teddy Bruschi jersey before going to my weekly Patriots Fans of LA Circle Jerk."