Peter King: Fat, Stupid

Reading MMQB is like going to Chipotle. Every time you walk in, you hope it's going to be as good or better than Qdoba, but it never is. The point I'm trying to make is that Qdoba's steak queso burrito is outrageous, New York Magazine called it "a playful but mysterious little dish." Also Peter King probably eats 12 or 13 of those a day.

VINDICTIVE MANNY STAT OF THE WEEK

The first month on new jobs for Manny Ramirez and the man who replaced him in Boston, Jason Bay:

Manny:
AVG: .415
OBP: .508
H: 44
HR: 9
RBI: 25

Bay:
AVG: .315
OBP: .358
H: 35
HR: 4
RBI: 29

Ramirez is unconscious, as we figured he might be, trying to show the Red Sox didn't appreciate him.

Get it? Because Manny is sometimes lazy in the outfield. He makes a lot of stupid mistakes. I guess the main bullet point of my presentation would be that Manny Ramirez isn't a very good fielder.

But Bay's been superb with runners in scoring position, and 29 RBIs in August -- in any month, for that matter -- is big-time production.

Yes, RBI's, the great equalizer among all hitters. In no way are RBI's related to your teamate's ability to get on base. Take your "unconcious" .508 OBP and jam it up your ass Manny.

Later in the column:

Is Dustin Pedroia a real person? He just had a 43-hit month, with six home runs. He is 5-foot-8, maybe. He just went 4-for-4 on back-to-back nights, reaching base 10 times in 10 appearances in the two games. Terry Francona batted him cleanup twice. Ozzie Guillen pitched to David Ortiz and intentionally walked Pedroia. Ozzie Guillen said, "I just [intentionally] walked a jockey.'' This is an amazing story we're watching.

So in sum:

Over the past month, Pedroia and Manny have almost the identical number of hits, and Manny has 3 more home runs. Here's how Peter King sees it:

Manny = Asshole having flukey month
Pedroia = The most amazing story ever! I texted Pedroia to ask him how it feels to be having the greatest season ever, and he wrote back "Plz stop txting me." His focus is unbelievable!

1b. I like the reinstatement of Pacman Jones, or Adam Jones, or whatever his name is this week.

Notice PK's use of the nickname Pacman Jones...

1k. The Dayton Daily News, one of the papers covering the Bengals daily, has begun referring to Chad Johnson as Chad Ocho Cinco, from the looks of Saturday's paper. "The week leading up to the Baltimore game represents the first full week of practice time Ocho Cinco, T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Carson Palmer will have together since the 2007 season finale at Miami,'' beat man Chick Ludwig wrote Saturday, apparently with a straight face.

Are you fucking kidding me? In 1b, you refer to a player by his nickname, and then 9 bullet points later you deride a writer for referring to a player by the nickname they legally adopted. You are a fat asshole.