Rainbows and Ponies and Bright Rays of Sunshine......Yay!

Friends, it's time to hear more about the greatest All-Star who ever lived. Sure, most All-Stars put up great stats or have a great career backing them up. But this guy made the team this year without the unfair advantage of either of those things. All he needed to make it was......get this....a Red Sox jersey and a little letter called "C". It's time for justice. Richard Justice.

No offense, but Red Sox need to keep Varitek
Despite catcher's slump at plate, team can't afford to lose his presence

Fine. Make him the bench coach. The current bench coach might have a shot at managing a .224 EqA, which would top Varitek. Put him at catcher.

Let's see these fine reasons that the Red Sox absolutely can't lose this man, nay, legend.

Can you imagine Jason Varitek wearing any other uniform? Can't do it, can you?

Nope. I honestly can't. Therefore, keeping him is an outstanding business decision.

"That would be hard," Derek Jeter said.

This evidence is just overwhelming.

How about you, Mariano Rivera?

"He's their captain," he said. "That tells you what he means to them."

Indeed.

Not 1, but 2 Yankees on your side? I better just cut this article off right here.

"When you think of the Red Sox, he's one of the people that comes to mind," Joe Torre said.

That's one man's opinion. I frequently forget about him. When my team is about to play the Red Sox, I'm like, "Shit....they've got Manny and Ortiz and Beckett and Dice-K and Drew and Pedroia and.....oh yeah...that catcher."

Wait, there's more.

Oh go on. I'm giddy.

"It's the way he plays the game, the respect he has for the game," Josh Hamilton said.

Josh Hamilton has spent one half of a season playing in the same league as Jason Varitek. He played 4 games against him in April. But, it's a little-known fact that addictedheroinoutofbaseballcrackcocainemiraculousrecoverylastyearmajortradehittersparkZOMG28homers! So basically, everything he touches turns to gold and everything he says has a powerful meaning that transcends the way people think.

For a decade, Varitek has represented the Red Sox with grace and grit. He might be the poster boy for some of the best years the franchise has ever had -- six playoff appearances, including two championships, in 10 seasons.

I would pick a different poster boy. But yeah, there really isn't much denying any of this.

He has helped changed the way people perceive the Red Sox.

I'll put this in a way that makes this sentence less misleading.

Jason Varitek, along with people who are way better at baseball and way more important to the goal that I will mention in the next part of this sentence, has helped change the way people perceive the Red Sox.

Once lovable losers, they're now widely respected both for winning and for doing it the right way.

And if like, A.J. Pierzynski was their catcher all this time, there's no way that franchise would have ever tuned around, right?

He's not the only Red Sox player who typifies this approach.

Whew. For a second there, I thought you wouldn't give credit to anyone else.

Tim Wakefield, Mike Lowell, Mike Timlin and others provide a leadership core as solid as any in the game.

Good God. I want to play against you in a one-on-one fantasy baseball league for $2,000,000 in which both people are only allowed to draft Red Sox.

That "C" on Varitek's jersey speaks volumes. He's the Red Sox captain in every sense of the word.

So if you have a choice between cutting Varitek and J.D. Drew from the Red Sox, you're cutting Drew, aren't you.

Recently, when he briefly snapped out of a terrible slump with a hit, the Red Sox celebrated as if they'd won another championship.

This is just another terrific reason to keep him on the team after this season.

Varitek's future with the Red Sox has become a hot topic on Boston sports radio at a time when he's hitting .218 and sometimes looking overmatched at the plate.

Because he is 36 years old, because he is unsigned after this season and because the Red Sox have had acquiring a catcher on their to-do list for more than a year, the previously unthinkable has become thinkable.

But....but he's the captain!

Money could become an issue. Varitek is represented by Scott Boras, and rumors have Boras seeking a four-year contract for Varitek.

Purchasing that contract would be something like buying a baseball team a coffin. You really want him catching for you when he's 40? And if he's not catching, then he has a value less than zero.

To anyone Red Sox fan ready to throw Varitek off the bus: Be careful what you wish for.

I'm not sure any fans have ever regretted wishing their team had a starting catcher that hits like a major leaguer.

When the Red Sox trailed the Cleveland Indians 3-1 in the American League Championship Series last fall, Varitek was one of the guys who set a relentless one-game-at-a-time tone in the clubhouse.

That's why the Red Sox outscored the Indians 30-5 in the last 3 games of this series. The ol' one-game-at-a-time approach. You didn't catch those Red Sox trying to win Game 7 during Game 5. No sir-ee-bob.

Had you walked into the Boston clubhouse before Game 5, you might have thought the Red Sox were preparing for a June game with the Mariners. That's because they play the game one way -- and Varitek is partly responsible for that.

What is that way? Indifference? They approach Game 5 of the ALCS with the same fervor as a meaningless June game with the Mariners? If you ask me, that's a serious problem.

There's no debating his offensive season. It has been terrible. Varitek's .218 batting average is 46 points below his career average. He's hitting just .184 on the road and .192 with runners in scoring position. He has put together back-to-back tough months -- a .122 average in June, a .188 average in July.

This is very, very bad.

And yet at this point in his career, considering the makeup of this club, offense isn't his primary responsibility.

You are a major league baseball player who is not a pitcher. Offense better fucking be your primary responsibility.

Even with Varitek not hitting, the Red Sox are second in the American League in runs, first in on-base percentage and third in home runs.

Therefore, keep Varitek.

As for Varitek, it might be impossible for an outsider to understand his impact in the clubhouse.

Aren't you an outsider?

What Varitek mainly does is set a tone for everyone else. When his peers voted him onto the American League All-Star team, he was asked over and over if he felt bad about going when he's hitting so little.

"No," he said. "That's a pretty good honor, to be sent by the players."

Sometimes Francona seems to know the questions are coming before they're asked.

"That is from the players around the league," he said. "That's how they feel about him."

Basically, him getting on the team was the rest of the players saying, "We don't like A.J. Pierzynski." That's all that was.

So here are the reasons that the Red Sox should keep Jason Varitek. Ahem.

1) You can't picture Jason Varitek wearing another uniform, and neither can Derek Jeter.
2) When Joe Torre thinks of the Red Sox, he's one of the first people that comes to mind.
3) Josh Hamilton says so.
4) He is a symbol of the good years the Red Sox have had (years when he wasn't old and a pretty solid player).
5) He changed the way people perceived the Red Sox.
6) There is a "C" on his jersey.
7) He believes in playing one game at a time.
8) The rest of the Red Sox are hitting just great, aren't they?
9) He's not good at offense, but that doesn't matter because of (8) and offense isn't his primary responsibility.
10) R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

I hope to God the Red Sox sign 37-year-old Jason Varitek next offseason. Because I hate them and I want them to lose.