Bert Byleven, Make the Hall of Fame and then SHUT THE HELL UP

With the usual apologies to reader Tonus.....it's time for some Halo-bashing. Although it's not really "bashing". Let's call it "accurately-assessing-that-mediocrity-of-a-team-in-a-way-that-no-one-paid-to-write-about-baseball-seems-to-be-able-to"

Despite departures, Angels will win AL

I demand to know right now. What the fuck is the obsession that the media has with this team? It's like Eckstein never left!

The Angels won 100 games last season, but over the winter they lost Mark Teixeira, Francisco Rodriguez, Jon Garland and Garret Anderson.

They watched Hunter and Guerrero slide further down the path of "old". They inexplicably gave Juan Rivera another job, and instead of hiring a first baseman, they gave the job to a wedge of cheese.

They did add Brian Fuentes and Bobby Abreu, and they remain not only the class of the AL West, but also my pick to make it to the World Series.

There are at least eleventy-five better choices to win to the World Series. They are jusssssssssst barely better than the Oakland Athletics.

Under manager Mike Scioscia, the Angels are so fundamentally sound, and that leads to victories.

Hit that cutoff man! Tag up on a fly ball! Keep playing that mediocre defense!

They are division favorites because even with the departure of Teixeira, they will win with solid pitching, dependable fielding and a productive enough offense.

"Solid"...."dependable"...."productive enough". Gee Bert, don't get too excited about these guys!

Abreu in left field makes their lineup look even better.

"Even better". Wow Bert, "even better" than 10th in the AL? That's amazing! Oh, and did I mention that you just swapped out Teixeira for Abreu and claimed that the lineup got BETTER? You fucking serious?

Offensively, they are a very solid club,

WRONG! And just a couple paragraphs up, I thought they were "productive enough." Now they're "very solid"? Did they acquire Manny Ramirez between the time you wrote those two paragraphs?

especially in the middle of the order, with Scioscia most likely hitting Abreu second, Vladimir Guerrero third and Torii Hunter fourth.

How is this remotely considered GOOD? This is EASILY in the lower half of the league as far as "heart of the order" is concerned. Probably bottom 10.

Their starting rotation is impressive, especially the top three.

I would agree.

Ervin Santana is growing in wisdom as a pitcher,

That's a fun way to describe a 26-year old.

Jered Weaver is the fourth starter,

Naming a pitcher and not saying anything else about him is a great argumentative tactic.

and Dustin Moseley appears to have the leg up on a wide-open battle for the fifth spot.

Blyleven: Ahem...yes...that appears to be what this depth chart I'm reading names off of says. I'm just going to keep making nondescript shit up about each one as we go.

Fuentes is not K-Rod,

He's just as good.

but he has 30 or more saves in three of his past four seasons in Colorado.

And might have saved 63 if he played for the Angels last year.

There are other AL teams being more highly touted,

The better ones.

but sometimes as a former player, your gut just tells you good fortune is going to shine on a certain team in a certain season.

THE ANGELS WERE LUCKY AS SHIT LAST YEAR TO WIN 100 GAMES.

Seriously Blyleven, go to Vegas. I wasn't aware pitching in the MLB gave you a supernatural ability to determine what teams would get lucky in a given season.

You know, I kind of like the Atlanta Braves this year....because....because I just think they'll get lucky! That's why!

Even though the Yankees spent $423 million this offseason on free agents CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira and A.J. Burnett, the Red Sox, who made some low-risk moves that could yield high rewards, will win the AL East.

The Red Sox starting rotation is a big plus. And it’s not just Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka and Tim Wakefield. The free-agent signings of Brad Penny (one year, $5 million), and John Smoltz (one year, $5.5 million, with a possible added $5 million in performance bonuses) could be huge positives.

Let's see, that's 6 starters, plus Clay Buchholz.....hey Bert, how many guys get to be in a starting rotation?

Even without Manny Ramirez, the Red Sox have plenty of offense in Dustin Pedroia, David Ortiz, Kevin Youkilis, Mike Lowell, J.D. Drew, Jason Bay and Jacoby Ellsbury. As long as they stay healthy, they have a lot of ways to protect Ortiz in their lineup in the post-Ramirez era.

Protect....David Ortiz? What year is it again? 2006?

The Yankees will have to settle for the wild card. Their rotation begins with Sabathia. It also has Burnett, Chien-Ming Wang, Joba Chamberlain and Andy Pettitte.

Again, really a great way to inform me about the quality of the Yankees' pitching staff! By the way, are the Rays just irrelevant or.....

Chamberlain is penciled in at No. 4. This is a move I disagree with. Chamberlain should stay in the role he has excelled in, and that is the setup man to closer Mariano Rivera. That’s Chamberlain’s greatest value to the team.

And perhaps they should plug his spot in the rotation with like....Jaret Wright (didn't that work out well that one time?). Or maybe a live donkey.

With Chamberlain starting, the question of whether the Yankees have enough reliable arms out of the bullpen to get games to Rivera becomes even greater.

You see getting to Rivera is really only important if you have the lead to begin with, and that begins with a quality starti-....oh you're not done. Sorry. So sorry.

And what about Rivera? He turned 39 on Nov. 29, and he’s coming off surgery in early October on his right shoulder. Will he be the same dominating closer as he has been in the past?

Well he was the best closer in baseball last year, if that's any indication.....

The Rays will find it too difficult to again finish ahead of the Red Sox and Yankees simply because seasons like the magical one they enjoyed in 2008 are hard to repeat.

And there you have it folks. Give Bert his paycheck. He's done his job.

It was all magic. Not the fact that they had (and still do have) the best pitching in baseball. Magic. Abra-cadabreraweablabala.

Lean toward the Twins to capture the AL Central mainly because of their impressive young pitching staff. But this division race should be an extremely interesting one with the potential of all five teams being in the mix.

Name 3 players on the Kansas City Royals before saying that. No...wait...don't just name them. I know by now that you're very good at that.

The Twins are a solid club, but they need more depth off the bench and more power.

This is the nicest thing I've ever said about Carlos Gomez, but the Twins have 4 outfielders capable of carrying a starting job. They also have Brendan Harris, who has to be one of the best bench bats you can find, and probably one of the best backup catchers in baseball in Mike Redmond. I don't understand where you got the idea that this bench needed to get any better.

I can't end on that....it wasn't funny.

Poop.

Rays Get Edge in World Series by Losing Game 5 to Boston

Normally, when I write a stupid headline like that, I'm kidding.

This time, that case is actually being argued by...

::sigh::

HatGuy.

Rays' momentum should make Phillies nervous

Wait a minute...momentum?

Philly should be rusty entering World Series, while Tampa is coming in hot

That's true. The Rays have won one (1) game (game) in a row. Their current postseason baseball winning streak total is at....one. The Phillies have won their last two, and are 7-2 in the postseason. Ice. Fucking. Cold.

Nobody in Tampa thought this at the time, but losing Games 5 and 6 of the ALCS to the Boston Red Sox may prove to be the best thing that could have happened to a young team making its first-ever postseason foray.

Even the Rays sweeping the Phillies in 4 games would not "prove" that.

We can say that because the Rays didn’t collapse. They didn't cave to the pressure of Game 7 against the defending World Champions. And in refusing to blink in the white glare of the national spotlight, they’ve been given a huge boost in confidence going into their first World Series.

More confidence than, say, dominating (one of) the best team(s) in baseball?

They’ve also got another weapon they weren’t even aware they had

#1 overall draft pick David Price? Trust me, they were aware of him.

a big-game left-handed closer with blistering speed and composure far beyond what a kid who started the season in Class A should have.

David Price racked up his first major league save ever on Sunday. (You had to listen really closely, but under his breath, one of the commentators mentioned that he's never saved a regular season game before. I don't think he knew his microphone was on.) He's a "closer" now. Funny thing is, ol' Mikey here has no clue that he's ticketed for the rotation pretty darn soon.

The kid’s name is David Price, and if it weren’t for him, Boston would be celebrating its third improbable ALCS comeback in the past five years.

I love this blip here. I really do. It implies that no other pitcher in the world could have come in the game in the 8th inning, bases loaded, 2 outs, TB up by 2, and won the game pitching the last 4 outs. News flash, Celizic. Even though J.D. Drew is really good at baseball, he's gonna fuck this up at least 60% of the time. Price got the job done, but it isn't like it was some inexplicable feat of pitching.

These are huge advantages for a team that had never had a winning record before this season, a team that had finished last season with the major's worst record. The last two season have't been kind to those teams coming in rested.

"Have't" is the world's newest favorite contraction.

Thank you for pointing out something that has more to do with luck than an actual, sustainable trend. Use it to argue whatever idiotic point you want. I, however, will counter with this.

Teams entering World Series with five or more days off and how they fared
Year Days Team Opp. Result
2007 8 Col Bos L, 4-0
2006 6 Det StL L, 4-1
2005 5 ChW Hou W, 4-0
2002 5 Ana SF W, 4-3
2001 5 Ari NYY W, 4-3
1996 6 NYY Atl W, 4-2
1995 6 Atl Cle W, 4-2
1991 5 Min Atl W, 4-3
1990 5 Oak Cin L, 4-0
1989 5 Oak SF W, 4-0
1988 5 Oak LA L, 4-1
Source: Elias Sports Bureau

THIS IS PRINTED ON THE FUCKING SAME PAGE AS YOUR ARTICLE. The team with >5 days rest has gone 7-4 over the last 11 occurrences. You are a fucking idiot for trying to claim something based on the most recent two.

Last year’s Rays were the Colorado Rockies, another young team that hadn’t known much success.

Only the 2008 Rays are significantly better than the 2007 Rockies (sorry Larry).

The Rockies did have more veteran experience, mainly in the person of Todd Helton, but, like the Rays, the postseason was unfamiliar territory.

What the hell is your point? The Rox choked it in the World Series. Why are you mentioning this in an article devoted to explaining why the Rays will win?

The Rockies won 14 of their last 15 games to reach the playoffs, then won eight straight to get to the World Series. At the time, we all thought it was wonderful. It turned out to be the worst thing they could have done because they had eight days to rest before the Fall Classic began.

Dude, I'm going to call the Cause-and-Effect police if you don't shut the fuck up right now.

The problem was that with two weeks to go in the playoffs, the Rockies couldn’t even imagine the playoffs.

THIS is the problem? The Rockies tore apart the Phillies and Diamondbacks, followed by losing to the Red Sox because they couldn't even imagine the playoffs??? Something was wrong with the neural synapses in their brains, inhibiting this concept from entering their minds???....you know what, fuck it, I'm drunk (yeah!!!! awesome!!!!), and know nothing about neurological science, and just want to point out cleverly in some way that Celizic is a motherfucking moron for attributing (any)% of
the outcome(s) of the Rockies' 2007 playoff run to how many days of rest they've had.

When they got to the World Series, they were flatter than Kansas.

There's like 20313231231e094 celebrity women who would have made for a funnier punchline at the end of this sentence than "Kansas".

(I am aware that "e" appears as a digit in that number. I wrote it in hexadecimal. Base 16, dontcha know.)

And when the Red Sox lit into them, they had no idea how to fight back.

Huh. "Hitting", "pitching", and "fielding" never entered their minds. Go figure. Major league team. Didn't even think of those things.

The same thing was true for Detroit in 2006, when they entered the World Series on six days of rest, but lost to a Cardinals squad in five games.

Again, what happened the prior 6 times a team entered the World Series on >5 days of rest?

The Tigers had won 96 games that season and trounced the Yankees and A's en route to the World Series. St. Louis barely finished over .500, escaped against the Mets in the NLCS, yet rolled in the World Series. Clearly, the Cardinals were helped by staying on a roll.

THE CARDINALS WERE MUCH BOLSTERED IN THEIR EFFORTS TO WIN BECAUSE THEY HAD THE ADVANTAGE OF PLAYING REALLY GOOD!

This is in the running for "Most Useless Paragraph of All-Time".

The Rays could have been in a similar situation had they beaten the Red Sox in five games, as they might have if manager Joe Maddon hadn’t started fiddling with his pitching rotation.

Woah woah......is this Celizic PRAISING the Rays for adjusting their pitching rotation so that they might more likely LOSE game 5???

What the FUCK???

I'll drop this little tidbit for ya. Scott Kazmir got in an argument with Derryl Cousins, the home plate umpire for Game 6, earlier in this season. You think that might have had something to do with the switch? Or also, if you have to win one game out of three, the best chance you have is to adjust your pitchers to favor your team heavily in one specific game. Getting Shields to pitch at home, not against the Boston ace, Matsuzaka, is absolutely the correct move.

They’d have come into the World Series having lost just one of eight playoff games with no clue what it feels like to face a must-win game.

A situation that absolutely crippled the 2005 White Sox, who lost the Series in 4 games to the Houston Astros.

Actually speaking of the White Sox, they won 4 straight do-or-die games this season. Why the hell are the Rays doing this much better than they are? Why didn't the confidence of winning from having their razorbacks against the Great Wall of China propeller blade them deep impact into the playoffs?

See, it's fun to insert nonsense words into arguments that make no sense to begin with.

But they lost Games 5 and 6 and then had to find out just what they had inside. As things turned out, it was more than enough.

Here's some counter-anecdotal bullshit to that anecdotal bullshit.

"The Rays, in losing a dramatic Game 5 on the road and a demoralizing Game 6 at home, squeaked by in Game 7 to barely salvage the American League title. However, they move on to the World Series, their minds scarred by the fact that they almost blew everything. What happens when a good team finds out just how vulnerable they are? Just ask the super-confident Phillies."

Yeah. That oughta show ya.

Just as important as what the Rays know is what their opponents, the Phillies now know. They’ve been sitting around with nothing to do but watch the ALCS since they eliminated the Dodgers on Oct. 15. Besides getting rusty with inactivity, they’ve watched the Rays first dig themselves a hole and then climb out of it. As surely as the Rays now know they can come back against one of the game's best teams, so do the Phils.

The Phillies now know that they're supposed to try super hard EVEN IF they are leading in the World Series, the ultimate championship of all that is baseball. Brilliant point!

Wait, what the fuck? The worst the Rays were losing this series was 1-0. They were NEVER in a significant hole.

As fans, we want a seven-game series and the maximum drama. But the reality is that this World Series could easily turn into a rout, just like the past four Series, three of which were sweeps and one of which ended in five games.

You've yet to make any cogent point about why this will happen. Like, using the past matchups (which were comprised of completely different teams) is totally stupid for doing this.

In the past 10 years, there have been just two Series that went the distance. In the 2002 Fall Classic, the Angels prevailed over the Giants in seven, and in 2001, the Diamondbacks plunging a stake through the heart of the Yankee dynasty with a walk-off Game-7 hit.

The odds of the World Series going 7 games is 31.25%. With all likelihood, 3 of those 10 Serieseses, rather than 2, would have gone 7 games. Huh. When you use facts, that hardly seems worth pointing out at all, eh?

This year’s participants are more likely to go short than long, and the team that is probably in more danger of being swept is Philadelphia. There are several reasons to say that. One is that the Phillies are facing more pressure.

With all due respect to the fans and everything, I don't think that Brad Lidge and Pat Burrell care about what happened to the Phillies in like the 90's or anything.

Blame their history for that. As bad as the Rays have been before this year, the Phillies have been bad for almost forever. They have lost more games than any team in major league history, a distinction helped by the fact they’ve been playing the game since 1876.

Again, Shane Victorino probably doesn't give a shit.

They’ve also been waiting since 1983 to get back to the World Series and since 1980 to win it again. That 1980 flag remains their lone championship banner.

See, this is absolutely terrible. The Phillies made the World Series in 1993. Before you think this is a typo, they made the World Series in 1983 as well, making it perfectly plausible that HatGuy is a fucking moron that knows nothing about anything. That's all I'm trying to prove here. It's not a lot to ask that you just....you just believe me.

In Tampa, the newspapers are congratulating the Rays. In Philly, they’re writing about the Phillies' past failures and asking the players why this year should be any different than all the others.

Again, you failed to point out the part where Carlos Ruiz and Brett Myers get negatively affected by this.....

There are no curses in sports, or in life.

Finally, reason wins.

But prolonged losing streaks are helped along by the pressure heaped upon the teams.

We would also have accepted: variance.

Players tend to try so hard to prove they’re not losers that they make the mistakes that turn them into losers.

Jamie Moyer lost all ability to throw hard way before he was a well-known, crafty pitcher. You think he needs to win this World Series to prove he's not a loser? How about Ryan Howard? That 2006 MVP screaming "loser" in the back of his mind?

The only curse Tampa has worked against during the franchise’s lifetime is lack of talent and money. They’ve got the talent now, and they know it. They also know that they can come back because they’ve already done it.

BECAUSE THEY CAME BACK FROM A STEEP 1-0 DEFICIT TO WIN THE ALCS????

Actually, this is hilarious. This is the 2nd time that Celizic has made this awful inference, but he clearly believes that the Rays "came back" by winning game 7 of the ALCS when the series was tied.

The Phillies are a powerful team, but they don’t know what they can do.

What kind of thing to say is that? "They don't know what they can do????" You disgust me.

They only know that they were swept in the NLDS last year by the Rockies and they sailed past the Brewers and Dodgers this year, never facing a game that they absolutely had to win.

Might I remind you that before Game 7 of the ALCS, the Rays were never in a situation when they absolutely had to win the game, and they still won that game anyway.

Last year, The Rockies sat for a week waiting for the Series to start. Once it did, all their momentum was gone.

They were the inferior team, and weren't very fortunate in the World Series. Nothing else to say here.

Had the Rays taken care of business in Game 5, I would've said the Phils had the edge. But they didn’t, and in losing they became stronger.

This is the most ridiculous sentence I have ever read. Not only does the fact that the Rays didn't win in only 5 games mean NOTHING, but you would have honestly taken the Phillies? You'd take the Phillies over the team with home field advantage that won 97 games in the best division in baseball? REALLY????? Fuck you and your unjustified having-a-job abilities.

They’re no longer strangers to winning, to post-season play or to must-win games. They’ve been there and done that.

If I were a Phillies’ fan, I’d be afraid. I’d be very, very afraid.

Because they're a worse team and Evan Longoria owns Brad Lidge's soul?

Yeah, that's what you're getting at.

LiveBlog: Game 4, Rays @ Red Sawx

Let's jump right in. Larry's commentary will be in italics.

Bottom of the 1st

Buck Martinez: [Sonnanstine's] a tough guy to scout, because he won't light up the gun.

It's tough to describe the sun, because it's big and bright and hot.

Top of the 3rd

Situation: Carl Crawford is on 1st base with 2 outs for Willy Aybar. Wakefield just pitched out to make the count 1-0.

Buck Martinez: If you gamble, you pitch out twice in a row. And you're in a situation in which you have to gamble

.....what?

Dude there's a guy on first with two outs. You almost can't get less threatened than this. You don't "have" to do anything.

Edit: Crawford stole the base anyway, Aybar cranks a 2-run HR. Nice one, Bucky. GAMBLE DUUUUUUDE!

Side note: These commentators went ballistic for a single that put runners on first and second for teh Sawks in the bottom of the 2nd. Aybar's home run involved significantly less enthusiasm. Shades of Chris Berman in 2005!

Chip Caray: What do you guys think, are these Rays playoff tested?

Ron Darling: (In a tone that suggests stern agreement) I think they've been playing playoff series for the past two months.

Oh, so if you don't have your division clinched by August 14th, you're playing in "playoff series[es]" until you're eliminated. That's sweet. Turns out my Rockies didn't actually miss the postseason this year- they got almost a month's worth of playoff experience before the DBacks and Dodgers put them away.

Top of the 5th:

Carl Crawford is on second base with 1 out.

Buckaroo: "It's especially important to steal 3rd base in Fenway Park, because the left fielder is so close. It's so hard to score from second on a base hit."

Unless the base hit is to center or right, of course. But yeah, let's risk stealing 3rd with one out, when a lefty is up and a switch hitter is on deck, to help make sure our guy can score on a single to left.

(Immediately after this, Willie Aybar singles to left and Crawford scores from second without a throw.)

- I'm going to punch my basement wall with all the strength my frail little arms can muster if they don't stop showing that DirecTV ad from "Poltergeist." Here's a fucking tip, DirecTV- make multiple ads and run them all at the same time, instead of individually beating them into the ground one after another.

- You're next, Bacardi "guys intentionally wear Halloween costumes that complement girls' costumes" ad.

- Buck spends 30 seconds recapping the now-famous failed squeeze play from game 4 of the Red Sox/Angels ALDS series. He goes out of his way to praise Manny Delcarmen for "knowing that a squeeze was a possibility," because the Angels had pulled one on the Red Sox when he was on the mound earlier in the year. That's all well and good, until TBS shows the replay and it is revealed (yet again) that Delcarmen threw a knee-high pitch with no break (could have been a fastball or a changeup) during the play in question. Yeah, if you think someone is going to try a squeeze on you, that's the way to ward it off. Here batter, I dare you to bunt this nice low strike. Let's see you use that one! Fortunately for the Red Sox, Erick Aybar (Angels batter during the failed squeeze) just sucks.

- I know you're specifically asking me not to, TBS, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to miss those new episodes of Frank TV starting October 21.

- Not to keep complaining about commercials, but I'm going to keep complaining about commercials.

These days it seems like you have to be a physics professor to pick out a TV.

No it doesn't. Not at all. You need a recent issue of Consumer Reports and a couple of hours to comparatively shop.

Luckily, I AM ONE.

Go fuck yourself, albino douche.

- As the score balloons to 10-1, Buck has some Kornheiser-esque understatment.

I bet the Red Sox are happy they have an off day tomorrow!

Tony would be proud.

- Chip, after David Ortiz triples to lead off the 7th:

The biggest deficit ever overcome in a postseason game is 8 runs. Hey, you never know!

The Rays are up 10. I think it's fair to say "We know."

- Buck, re the Rays: (rhetorically) Who are these guys?

You may want to build a time machine and go back to May, June, July, August, September, or a week ago and ask that question. I think it just recently crossed the threshold from annoying to ridiculous.

- Time to nitpick with Chip!

If this game ends in the win column for the Rays, there may not be a bigger game in the career of young James Shields than the one he will pitch on Wednesday as he tries to close out this series.

Oh, but if Boston mounts a ridiculous comeback and ties the series at 2 games a piece, Sheilds' start in game 5 really won't be that big of a deal.

- This was the lousiest liveblog we've done so far. Sorry everyone. We really are a bunch of zilcheroos. However, I think part of this is mitigated by the fact that the game was fucking sweet. After last year, I'm not calling the SAWKS dead until they're really dead. But seeing fans filing out of Fenway in the 7th inning of an ALCS game... extremely entertaining.

In conclusion, choke on a pole, Boston. I hope you win game 5 so you can come back and get eliminated in your own stadium.

[Late edit by Larry B- that last joke would work a lot better if the LCSes actually used the 2-2-1-1-1 format rather than the 2-3-2. As usual, I'm fucking stupid. So I guess I just hope the Red Sox lose on Wednesday. But Friday or Saturday would be acceptable too.]

This Just In......

"RAYS CHOOSE TO PLAY THEIR OWN BASEBALL GAME INSTEAD OF SKIPPING IT TO WATCH BOSTON vs BALTIMORE ON DIRECTV" EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

I've never heard of Chris Gentilviso. And I'm quite certain that I don't like him one little bit.

Internal focus keeping Rays on top
Young team more worried about own play than Yankees, Red Sox

Rays Talent: [gets insulted and storms out]

Rays: [lose division by 13 games.]

SEATTLE - The Tampa Bay Rays’ eyes were glued to the television in the visitors’ clubhouse.

ZOMG dude. You've got my attention. What are they watching? Huh? What? Tellmetellmetellme!

This is how teachers tell you to write in like 6th grade and stuff.

They watched Brett Favre introduce himself to the New York media. They reacted to team USA defeating China in its Olympic basketball opener. They celebrated their series win over cheers for Padraig Harrington capturing the PGA championship.

But did they watch other baseball games? No way Jose! I bet you that's where this is going. Oh my God. I bet.....

There was little interest in DirecTV’s 14-channel Major League Baseball package — a sign of a club focused on no team but itself.

BOOM! Everyone here owes me an all-expense-paid trip to Old Country Buffet. Including transportation.

“Regardless of which way you look at the situation, we have to focus on ourselves,” first baseman Carlos Pena said. “It's focusing on within, not from without. When you start focusing outside, you lose sight on what you need to think about working on, and expend your energy the wrong way. If you play the game hard, everything else will take care of itself.”

Pretty standard deliver-to-media quote from a baseball player. Everyone pretty much understands what he's getting at, but it's best not to make too much of it.

The situation Pena was referring to? The Rays’ daily battle with the AL East goliaths: the Yankees and Red Sox.

Gentilviso's audience: [gets insulted and storms out]

Gentilviso: [loses his job in 13 days]

Outfielder Eric Hinske knows that battle well. When Hinske left Boston for Tampa Bay this season, he had hopes of the Rays being good, but not this good. Anyone who claimed to have predicted Tampa Bay’s success in April was “lying through their teeth.”

Oooooohhhh....Sheesh...oh boy. Listen....I hate to be, ya know...that guy but ummmm....you really should look at this.

But.....eh....computers don't have teeth.

In their quest to become the first team other than New York or Boston to win the AL East since the 1997 Baltimore Orioles, the Rays harnessed their success by choosing not to think about teams in the opponent’s dugout.

You know what's really underrated today? Hitting. Hitting is way more attributable to teams winning than any of this dribble.

“We go out there and play the same way every day, whether it's the Royals, Yankees, A’s …whatever,” Hinske said. “That's the way we go about our business. That's one of the keys to our success for sure.”

See, you never blame a player for saying this. This is the stuff you need to feed the media to get them to shut up and you know, look good for 8-year-olds. This is not baseball analysis in the least, and it's not supposed to be. When you write a column that basically feeds you re-worded player quotes like this one, you really need to reconsider your decision to write about sports.

For Rays manager Joe Maddon, dealing with the thought of beating the Red Sox or Yankees could be as simple as thinking of the Commissioner’s Trophy.

The Commissioner's Trophy....that thing they give you when you win the World Series.....thinking of beating the Red Sox or Yankees is as simple as thinking of that.....

(5 hours later)

This sentence does not make any sense.

Maddon was named Mike Scioscia’s bench coach with the Angels in 1999, surviving as a leftover from the dysfunctional Terry Collins era. The club suffered through two mediocre seasons under Scioscia, before emerging in 2002 with something never experienced before in the franchise’s then-41-year history — a World Series title.

This is pretty much completely irrelevant to everything you've talked about thus far.

That season, the Angels eliminated the Yankees. The Red Sox missed the playoffs. Maddon could project that example to prove that the AL East goliaths have been conquered before.

Or, you could just point out that 5 of the last 7 World Seriesezes weren't won by either of them.

But he chooses not to. The Rays have no plans to bank on history through a difficult final month of the season, which includes 12 games with Boston and New York.

Hah. Watch out world, because unlike some teams (who SHALL remain nameless) the Rays aren't counting on what happened in 2002 to help them today.

“The race doesn't matter,” Maddon said.

I wholeheartedly disagree.

“It’s what we're doing that matters. We're going to scoreboard watch, and I'm O.K. with that. I want us to take care of our effort and our mental preparation each night, and I'm good with what happens.”

But ultimately all that matters is that you finish with more wins than the Red Sox and the Yankees......

The 2002 Angels took care of their effort, with a lineup that included strong young talent with a smattering of veterans. Their home run leader was Troy Glaus with 30, a talented 25-year old with more strikeouts than hits in each of his first four seasons. Their RBI leader was Garret Anderson with 123, an unheralded lifelong Angel taken in the 4th round of the 1990 amateur draft.

This is, again, approaching dangerously extreme levels of irrelevance. Perhaps he has a crush on David Eckstein or something. Chris does, after all, write about sports.

But the efforts of one player meant nothing. It was the entire roster that emerged victorious in a three-team AL West battle. The 101-win Oakland A’s were axed in the Division Series, while the 93-win Mariners missed the playoffs.

In conclusion: Rays' internal focus is winning them the division.

What. The. Hell. Does. This. Have. To. Do. With. Anything.

Outfielder Cliff Floyd knows the Rays have used a similar recipe of flying under the radar this season.

Flying under the radar is the recipe for winning now?

Take:

1 cup of historical irrelevance
3 tablespoons of not playing in Boston or New York
1 pinch of playing in a horrible baseball town
Jason Bartlett
1 country full of idiots working in the media

And there you have it, the recipe to win a divisional race.

But in his mind, it’s irrelevant what past teams have done.

Yet for some reason, you decided to spend 35% of this article on that.

After three days in a Tampa Bay uniform, the newest member of the Rays had yet to receive the memo about avoiding comparisons.

Troublemaker! Cut him! (Chad Bradford)

Relief pitcher Chad Bradford has made six trips to the playoffs, with three different teams, in 11 major league seasons. While the Yankees and Red Sox bolstered their rosters with blockbuster trades, Bradford was picked up from the Orioles a few days after the deadline.

Bradford quickly noticed the looseness of the Rays’ clubhouse, and it reminds him of the dominant Oakland squads he played with from 2001-2004.

3.68, 4.37, 3.63, 3.97, 3.21. Those are the starters' ERAs for the Rays. Does this deserve no credit whatsoever? Is this more or less important than the looseness of the clubhouse? The Rays have scary good pitching. Scary good. The only one over his head is Sonnanstine. And there's more awesome pitching on the way. And I've heard they're all tighter than a male stripper's pants in the clubhouse. Not loose at all. And guess what? They'll make the team more awesome.

That process begins at the minor league level, through the creation of an organization-wide code of discipline. With that uniformity in place, both the Tampa Bay Rays and Princeton (W. Va.) Rays are aware of how players with issues are treated.

And there's an organization-wide flood of awesome pitching. Pitching. Don't forget about pitching! Gawd, he's just not gonna listen to me.

In turn, Maddon believes winning will be a consistent part of Rays baseball.

“It has to bleed through the entire organization if it’s going to work,” Maddon said. “You look at the Angels, that's why they're good right now.”

Also: The Angels are good due to pitching. Pitching.

At a major league-leading 31 games over .500, the Angels appear primed to return to their first World Series since 2002. No matter who surfaces as a winner in the AL East, all three teams face the proposition of going through Los Angeles to reach the Fall Classic.

That’s another scenario that Maddon doesn’t get too caught up in. The only channel he watches is his franchise moving forward.

What an outstanding manager he must be. This is the man that once said that David Eckstein helps you even if he goes 0-4 and makes 3 errors. This is the man who has the priviledge of managing a team who has some of the best prospect classes coming up through the system in history. Life just isn't fair. Want to swap teams with Manny Acta?

Pitching.

Sean Deveney Is Officially My New Punching Bag

As many people know, the Tampa Bay Rays are considering signing Barry Bonds. Sean Deveney really thinks they should. Which isn't wrong or anything. But en route to his argument that makes no mention of Bonds still being good at baseball (which is the #1 reason that a team should sign him), he gets pretty darned ignorant. Here's an excerpt.

The Rays are thinking this could be their breakout year. They're young and improving, but there are questions about the lineup.

Oh boy. Please, tell me what these questions are!

No one knows if Carlos Pena can repeat his out-of-nowhere, MVP-type performance of 2007.

No one "knows" anything about what a player will do in the upcoming season. You can make a similar sentence about any team in the majors. "No one knows if Ryan Braun is really as good as his rookie season indicated." "No one knows if Jorge Posada can keep posting these above-.300 EqAs into his late thirties." "No one knows if Ervin Santana will rebound this year." The purpose of you, the writer, the supposedly more informed person, is to give opinions and insights on these things.

And yes, such things exist that allow you to make reasonable forecasts. Pretty much everyone on the planet knows that it's tremendously unlikely Pena will do that again, and reasonably, he'll be pretty good, but not great, in 2008 (PECOTA forecasts .259/.372/.500 this year).

No one knows how the Cliff Floyd-Johnny Gomes designated hitter platoon will work,

What do you mean "no one knows how that will work?" Jonny (spell his name right, please) Gomes is better against lefties, so he'll play against lefties. Floyd is better against righties, so he'll play against righties. A "platoon" is one of the simplest baseball strategies to understand. I don't know what the hell you mean by this sentence.

or worse, what'll happen if Rocco Baldelli suffers another season-ending injury and Floyd and Gomes are forced to play in the outfield everyday.

Ummm....what will happen is exactly that. Floyd or Gomes will be in the outfield everyday. You answered your own "question". And both of them will probably play worse defense than Rocco Baldelli would have. These "questions" are completely stupid.

Even with a healthy lineup, is B.J. Upton really a cleanup hitter? Wouldn't he be better off batting third or fifth?

Hmmm. I don't know. That's a tough one, Sean-o. B.J. Upton hasn't completed his initiation into the "Fraternity of Cleanup Hitters." But you're right....I don't think he's really good enough to hit 4th, he's only good enough to hit 3rd or 5th. He's not quite as good as Paul Konerko, he's more like Jim Thome. He's no Manny Ramirez, I'll tell you that much, but he's good enough to be one of those David Ortiz types. Is Justin Morneau really a cleanup hitter? No way, Jose! He's one of those 5th-hitter types. Now Michael Cuddyer, THERE's a cleanup hitter.

Have I given enough proof to show your sentence was completely and totally senseless? I hope so, Sean.