Rain-Abbreviated Sunday Night Baseball Liveblog

Why not? Not a lot else going on right now and the Reds pulled one out today... maybe Joe Morgan can give me some insights on what he plans to do to pull the Reds out of their lousy start to this season.

Looking at the Sunday Night Baseball schedule is, of course, hardly a national sampling of Major League teams. Really, it's just a way to give big-market fans more of a chance to see their team. Seriously, of the 24 teams featured in the first twelve scheduled games, only the Royals could be considered small-market. But that's business for you. On to the baseball!

Jose Reyes comes up in the bottom of the first. He's recently been moved to the #3 slot in the lineup, a move that has generated a lot of conversation:

Morgan: When you move to the third spot, they pitch you differently than if you're in the leadoff spot.
Really? More on this in a moment, but if there's nobody on base and two out, I don't think your approach changes much based on the lineup slot you're facing.
Miller: You sound like you've expereinced this personally, Joe!
Man, Miller sounds like Morgan's stooge here. He's just here to pad Joe's ego.
Morgan: Actually, I have.
Reference to his playing career #1: 7:27 pm CDT.

Bottom of the 2nd and some French guy at the plate:
Miller: Francouer's always been an aggressive hitter, but his mantra this year is "Be aggressive in the strike zone". Jerry Manuel's been working with him in the cage...
Francoeur: [swings wildly at a curveball in the dirt]
Francoeur: [swings wildly at a slider six inches off the outside half]
dan-bob: Maybe Francoeur should work on not being an aggressive hitter at all.

Luis Castillo at the plate in the bottom of the 3rd:
Morgan: When you've got a runner on second and you're hitting third, like I said before, they're gonna pitch you a lot harder than if you're hitting leadoff.
dan-bob: Why don't pitchers pitch them hard all the time?
[Reyes grounds weakly to short]

Well, shit, the rain in New York has prevented this liveblog from going much farther. Now this "ESPN" is nothing but repeats of baseball highlights and Mel Kiper's last glimpse of sunlight before he goes back to his hidden ice-cave for a long winter's nap.

All-Star Liveblog!

Here's a few thoughts on the ASG as it unfolds. All quotations are in italics, and are the best paraphrases I can accomplish, since I don't have a DVR.

First off, fuck the nearly hour-long pregame nonsense.
Second off, Obama's left-handed toss was a blooper that barely made it. [Note: I didn't see it till the replays in the second inning]. I think that explains why this country's so screwed up: we elected a southpaw. They can't even walk straight, or even live straight, in the case of Larry B.

Top of the first:
Some poor defense by the NL lets the AL sneak ahead 2-0. Albert Pujols, all-everything, commits the error that lets in a couple of runs. Nothing egregious in the commentary so far.

Bottom of the first.
A graphic calls Roy Halladay "The I-Beam of The Blue Jays". Really.
McCarver:
"We looked that up, I'm not an architect or anything, but it's supposed to be the structure of the house."
Well, I'm glad Tim admits that he looked something up - he's a step ahead of Joe Morgan. Still:
- Who made that stupid graphic?
- Neither of the broadcasters, who've been alive for fifty or so years... know what an "I-beam" is?

McCarver:
"Nobody has had numbers in his first nine years like Albert Pujols. Nobody."
Except this guy and this guy. But ok, Pujols is legendarily good. Not that bad.

Top 2:
lol, Halladay didn't bring a helmet. He's the starting pitcher! And the AL goes quietly.

Bottom 2:
Obama shows up in the booth in a White Sox jacket to chat with our esteemed team. In the course of this inning, Obama commits several FJM cardinal sins: admits that he doesn't hate the Cubs, admits he didn't play the game (wait, that's not one of our Cardinal sins), believes in parity in baseball, endorses the Phillies as a "scrappy team" and engages in blatant Hawaiian homerism.

I'm kidding. If I were the President I'd do the same thing. But shouldn't he be out saving the world?

"No bailout plan in place for the National League" - don't remember which of the two said this, but it's not funny.

Interesting move by Charlie Manuel spending Prince Fielder, perhaps his best pinch-hitter, with two out and a runner on second early in this game. But it pays off with Prince's double to left! Two-out rally plates three and the NL takes the lead.

Top 3
Ryan Franklin has a bizarre beard.

It seems like a lot of players are pulling the ball tonight - you'd think that with some of the hardest throwers in the game only having to go one or two innings, you'd see a lot of balls hit the other way. Maybe they're not throwing their hardest? Speculation.

AL goes in order.

Bottom 3
What happened in this inning?

Top 4
McCarver blathers on a long time about Haren's windup being hard to detect.

A single by Michael Young does nothing and this game is moving quickly.

A commercial by MasterCard comes on to show passionate fans. Of course it shows Cubs, Dodgers and, inexplicably, a Giants fan. Strange: Cubs and Dodgers fans are probably the most notorious fans in baseball for not actually being passionate about baseball.

Bottom 4
At 37, the oldest nonpitcher to make an ASG debut since Babe Ruth (why does nobody note that there was no game for Ruth to make?). The roider fouls out.

Spoiler: The answer to the trivia question is Ted Williams and Rogers Hornsby.

Zach Grienke's sick stuff makes the NL look bad, striking out the next two. I wish he still had social anxiety disorder. Did doctors name it that just for the obvious acronym?

Top 5
Crawford leads off with a single. McCarver discusses his speed, comparing him to Lou Brock.
Buck: "Imagine how fast he'd be if he pulled his pants up."
McCarver: "Lou Brock always had his pants up high."

Damn kids these days and their fashion.

Also, Jeter apparently cried when Chris Webber called timeout. What a pansy. I thought this was true.


Joe Mauer double ties the game. That Joe Mauer is quite the American. Pujols' diving stop keeps it tied.

Bottom 5:
This inning was uneventful.

Top 6
A 4-6-3 and Hoffman gets some useless revenge against Michael Young. Game still tied at 3. I'm almost bored, except for these exciting commercials that remind me that somehow MLB is making piles and piles money off this.

Also, I note that I hate pretty much every commercial, even ones that try to be funny. I think it's because I hate the public to which these companies are trying to appeal. Also, these bullshit "passion for the game" commercials that show a bloody sock or Derek fucking Jeter diving into a bullpen make me sick. I'm sure it makes hordes of morons want to go drink Gatorade and buy Nike products, but they piss me off.

Anyone who buys Daughtry albums can go hug a cactus already.

Bottom 6
Here's a quote taken out of context, because I missed the context:
McCarver: "How come you didn't tweet me that day?"

Here's a picture taken out of context:


NL goes quietly.

Top 7
Cordero shows a little Reds pride. Shuts down the AL and this one's turning into a barn burner.

Bottom 7:
This is the most uneventful liveblog ever. Nobody's said anything really stupid. Carl Crawford did just make a sick catch, though.

Top 8:
This is where I had to stop watching the game. Fortunately, Larry B watched the rest of it and provided me with a few good quotes:

McCarver, re: Kevin Youkilis: "You can make a case that he's the most VALUABLE (emphasis Tim's) player in the league this year - by which I mean, look at his salary. Only 6 million a year for his level of production! Then, look at what A-Rod and Mark Teixeira make- $52 million between them!"

Really, Tim? This guy is making $439,000 this year. This guy is probably making about that much - made $408,000 last year. That's a lot more valuable per-dollar than Youkilis. Basically any decent young pre-arbitration player is going to rank higher than Youkilis on this list.

Later: 2 on, 2 out for the NL in the bottom of the 8th.

Joe Buck: "Francisco Rodriguez warming up, just in case"

Larry B: "Just in case? You mean when he has to pitch the top of 9th no matter what happens this half inning?"

Larry B later suggested that Joe Buck was ignorant of the fact that Mr. Rodriguez does not, in fact, pitch in the American League any more, and his job as the Angels' closer has been taken over by Mr. Brian Fuentes, a left-handed sidearm slinger.

[Late edit from Larry B, since dan bob didn't tell the whole story: it was abundantly clear after Buck made that comment that he was clueless as to the fact that K-Rod is no longer with the Angels. When he first said it, I was a bit confused because of, you know, the fact that the NL was the home team. But immediately after he said it, they flashed to the AL bullpen where we see Fuentes warming up. So in Buck's I-don't-give-a-shit-about-baseball-and-there-is-no-way-I-should-ever-call-another-World-Series-game-again brain, he sees Angels reliever, he assumes K-Rod. It's a cherry on top that Fuentes is a lefty submariner and K-Rod has a distinctive righty overhand throw. Seriously, fuck Joe Buck and fuck FOX for making him call baseball games when he clearly doesn't give a shit about them. Just let him stick to football, I don't care how good/famous his dad was.]

And the National League loses again. Dammit.

LiveBlog: Game 4, Rays @ Red Sawx

Let's jump right in. Larry's commentary will be in italics.

Bottom of the 1st

Buck Martinez: [Sonnanstine's] a tough guy to scout, because he won't light up the gun.

It's tough to describe the sun, because it's big and bright and hot.

Top of the 3rd

Situation: Carl Crawford is on 1st base with 2 outs for Willy Aybar. Wakefield just pitched out to make the count 1-0.

Buck Martinez: If you gamble, you pitch out twice in a row. And you're in a situation in which you have to gamble

.....what?

Dude there's a guy on first with two outs. You almost can't get less threatened than this. You don't "have" to do anything.

Edit: Crawford stole the base anyway, Aybar cranks a 2-run HR. Nice one, Bucky. GAMBLE DUUUUUUDE!

Side note: These commentators went ballistic for a single that put runners on first and second for teh Sawks in the bottom of the 2nd. Aybar's home run involved significantly less enthusiasm. Shades of Chris Berman in 2005!

Chip Caray: What do you guys think, are these Rays playoff tested?

Ron Darling: (In a tone that suggests stern agreement) I think they've been playing playoff series for the past two months.

Oh, so if you don't have your division clinched by August 14th, you're playing in "playoff series[es]" until you're eliminated. That's sweet. Turns out my Rockies didn't actually miss the postseason this year- they got almost a month's worth of playoff experience before the DBacks and Dodgers put them away.

Top of the 5th:

Carl Crawford is on second base with 1 out.

Buckaroo: "It's especially important to steal 3rd base in Fenway Park, because the left fielder is so close. It's so hard to score from second on a base hit."

Unless the base hit is to center or right, of course. But yeah, let's risk stealing 3rd with one out, when a lefty is up and a switch hitter is on deck, to help make sure our guy can score on a single to left.

(Immediately after this, Willie Aybar singles to left and Crawford scores from second without a throw.)

- I'm going to punch my basement wall with all the strength my frail little arms can muster if they don't stop showing that DirecTV ad from "Poltergeist." Here's a fucking tip, DirecTV- make multiple ads and run them all at the same time, instead of individually beating them into the ground one after another.

- You're next, Bacardi "guys intentionally wear Halloween costumes that complement girls' costumes" ad.

- Buck spends 30 seconds recapping the now-famous failed squeeze play from game 4 of the Red Sox/Angels ALDS series. He goes out of his way to praise Manny Delcarmen for "knowing that a squeeze was a possibility," because the Angels had pulled one on the Red Sox when he was on the mound earlier in the year. That's all well and good, until TBS shows the replay and it is revealed (yet again) that Delcarmen threw a knee-high pitch with no break (could have been a fastball or a changeup) during the play in question. Yeah, if you think someone is going to try a squeeze on you, that's the way to ward it off. Here batter, I dare you to bunt this nice low strike. Let's see you use that one! Fortunately for the Red Sox, Erick Aybar (Angels batter during the failed squeeze) just sucks.

- I know you're specifically asking me not to, TBS, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to miss those new episodes of Frank TV starting October 21.

- Not to keep complaining about commercials, but I'm going to keep complaining about commercials.

These days it seems like you have to be a physics professor to pick out a TV.

No it doesn't. Not at all. You need a recent issue of Consumer Reports and a couple of hours to comparatively shop.

Luckily, I AM ONE.

Go fuck yourself, albino douche.

- As the score balloons to 10-1, Buck has some Kornheiser-esque understatment.

I bet the Red Sox are happy they have an off day tomorrow!

Tony would be proud.

- Chip, after David Ortiz triples to lead off the 7th:

The biggest deficit ever overcome in a postseason game is 8 runs. Hey, you never know!

The Rays are up 10. I think it's fair to say "We know."

- Buck, re the Rays: (rhetorically) Who are these guys?

You may want to build a time machine and go back to May, June, July, August, September, or a week ago and ask that question. I think it just recently crossed the threshold from annoying to ridiculous.

- Time to nitpick with Chip!

If this game ends in the win column for the Rays, there may not be a bigger game in the career of young James Shields than the one he will pitch on Wednesday as he tries to close out this series.

Oh, but if Boston mounts a ridiculous comeback and ties the series at 2 games a piece, Sheilds' start in game 5 really won't be that big of a deal.

- This was the lousiest liveblog we've done so far. Sorry everyone. We really are a bunch of zilcheroos. However, I think part of this is mitigated by the fact that the game was fucking sweet. After last year, I'm not calling the SAWKS dead until they're really dead. But seeing fans filing out of Fenway in the 7th inning of an ALCS game... extremely entertaining.

In conclusion, choke on a pole, Boston. I hope you win game 5 so you can come back and get eliminated in your own stadium.

[Late edit by Larry B- that last joke would work a lot better if the LCSes actually used the 2-2-1-1-1 format rather than the 2-3-2. As usual, I'm fucking stupid. So I guess I just hope the Red Sox lose on Wednesday. But Friday or Saturday would be acceptable too.]

Sunday Night Baseball Liveblog: Yankees! Orioles! Morgan! Miller!

I can't believe I used a Bill Simmons joke in the title. Pretty embarrassing. But get excited, people- I have the feeling we're in for a fuckshow of a broadcast. Tune back in at 8 EST for the fireworks.

7:24 CST: We're almost 10 minutes into ESPN's coverage, and Joe has yet to utter a single word. What a beautiful world we live in.

7:25 CST: The first words out of Joe's mouth: (After a bit of an introduction from Jon)

You know, when I think about Yankee Stadium, I don't think about my own accomplishments here.

So what you're saying is... the first thing you think about when someone says "Yankee Stadium" is your own accomplishments there. Joe has some of the most transparent false modesty I've ever seen/heard.

7:36 CST: Jon is "surprised" that so many fans brought cameras to record the events of tonight's game. No punchline needed.

7:43 CST: Joe wants us to know that Derek Jeter received a crystal award today for passing Lou Gehrig on the Yankee Stadium all-time hits list. He also adds some very stern-voiced commentary:

Anytime you pass Lou Gehrig, or Babe Ruth, for anything... that's special.

This is why he wins the Emmys, folks.

7:59 CST: Jon thinks that A-Rod "would seem to be a good candidate" to hit the final home run in Yankee Stadium tonight. Call me nuts, but my money's on Jose Molina.

8:04 CST: Joe's analysis as to why Orioles starter Chris Waters is having such a successful night so far:

He's got all the pitches you'd expect a crafty lefty to have: cut fastball, change up, slider.

So... he has the same pitches that lots of non-crafty non-lefties have. Also worth noting: has "all the pitches" you'd expect a crafty lefty to have, but no curve. This is one of those great double-wrong situations.

8:10 CST: Joe has a question for Whitey Ford:

How far and how often do you get to Yankee Stadium?

That man is a master of prepositions.

8:19 CST: Jon reminisces with Whitey about some old Yankees pitcher (don't know which one) who "lost his no hitter on the one hit he gave up!" Doing this liveblog thing has made start to realize that Joe is dragging Jon down with him. It's a race to the bottom... where John Kruk awaits to devour them both.

8:27 CST: In something that falls inbetween an abortion of a joke and horrible attempt to put a spin a well-known nickname, Jon mentions that beause Johnny Damon just hit a 3 run home run they might have to "start calling [it] the house that Damon built!" Again, no punchline needed.

8:38 CST: This is just me being a hater, but Peter Gammons's saccharine-sweet monologues drive me batty. Just because it works in print format doesn't mean it will work in broadcast format. Gag me. (Larry B crosses arms, slumps shoulders, and scowls)

8:43 CST: Joe demonstrates a knowledge of basic geometry in noting that Jay Payton beat out an infield hit in part by:

Running straight down the chalk line, which gets you there faster.

8:54 CST: Joe fondly remembers the time he hit a home run in Yankee Stadium during an All-Star game. This is at least the third story he's told about himself and his own accomplishments so far tonight. But trust him, when he thinks about Yankee Stadium, he doesn't think about his own accomplishments. At all.

8:55 CST: Son of a bitch bastard. Jose Molina just went yard. Check out my 7:59 CST comment, which I promise on my dead cat's grave is unedited. If this prediction holds up, I am retiring from the blog and moving to Hawaii.

9:08 CST: More Emmy-worthy blabber from Joe:

Any time your name is connected to the Babe's... you're pretty good.

THANKS, JOE.

9:11 CST: The one thing Joe usually doesn't mess up is hitting analysis, but he lays an egg here re: how Pettitte has been pitching to righties tonight:

A lot of guys are looking for that cut fastball, but instead [they're getting] that straight fastball riding in on their hands.

A lefty throws cut fastballs to right handed hitters specifically to get pitches in on their hands. Pettitte may be having success tonight with the straight fastball, but it's not because he's getting it in on their hands. Just saying.

9:21 CST: Joe insists, for the second time tonight, that the Yankee Stadium "mystique" will easily transfer over to the new stadium because of the fans. Apparently he hasn't read this piece by Dan-Bob.

9:23 CST: Joe notes that fans tonight were chanting "An-dy Pet-titte" and "Der-ek Je-ter." But back when Reggie Jackson played for the Yankees, fans simply chanted "Reg-gie, Reg-gie" and omitted his last name. He then surmises that that's the true measuring stick for superstardom- if people identify you only by your first name. And, master of humility that he is, he then asks Jon to simply refer to him as "Joe" from that point forward. What. A. Cockhead.

9:30 CST: Joe tells perhaps the most awkward story I've ever heard, about his encounter with Spike Lee and their discussion about Lee's soon to be released "Miracle at St. Anna." I can't transcribe the whole story, but all you need to really know is that it ended with:

So I told him I'd go see it. I mean, he didn't give me any free passes or anything. But I still told him I'd go see it.

You make (presumably) hundreds of thousands of dollars per year by talking (often foolishly) about baseball. I think you can afford a $9 movie ticket.

9:37 CST: Jon Miller, in a discussion about Reggie Jackson's career playoff accomplishments, just repeatedly referred to OPS as "ops." As in, not "oh pee ess," but just- ops. Say "cops" but take off the "c." I don't know why, but this is cracking me up big time. I might even start doing it myself. Ops? What the fuck. Ops. I love it.

Ops.

10:03 CST: This isn't really anyone's fault, but having Michael Kay in the booth to do play by play as he carries on a conversation with Jon and Joe is awkward as hell. It's like going on a first date with a girl who talks constantly but also bringing your best friend.

10:12 CST: This sucks. With Kay in there being relatively smart (annoying, but still, not retarded) I've got nothing to make fun of. Joe is likely to mail in the rest of the night. Too bad.

10:26 CST: I think Joe's on a bathroom break. Odds that he comes back and says anything before the night is over: roughly the same as the odds that Jose Molina hits the last home run in Yankee Stadium history.

10:31 CST: Just wanted to point out that Orioles SS Brandon Fahey has a rat-like face that rivals Denver Broncos coach Mike Shanahan's.

10:33 CST: PNoles notes the irony in that Derek Jeter just had the last Yankee AB in Yankee Stadium... but in order to secure that title/milestone, he had to make an out. How steely-eyed.

10:34 CST: The camera shows Mariano Riveria warming up in the Yankee pen. Joe's keen powers of observation kick in:

He's still down there in the bullpen throwing. I can see him throwing.

10:47 CST: Well, stab my dick with a javelin. Remember that time I said Jose Molina would hit the last home run in Yankee Stadium's history? You're welcome.

Also- Ops.

10:56 CST: Jon is worried that "it might just now be setting in" for some fans that this is the last time they'll see the Yankees in this stadium. Any fan in that stadium just now coming to that realization has an open invitation from me to go play in traffic.

11:10 CST: I could watch these Dolphins/Patriots highlights alllllllll night. Oh yeah, and I guess that means we're done with the liveblog. And this was the last Sunday Night Baseball telecast of the year. Too bad. Well, assuming TBS has rights to some postseason games, which I assume they do, you'll be hearing more from PNoles and I well into October. Those TBS announcers are an embarrassment.

Sunday Night Baseball Liveblog #2: Joe Morgan Likes Manny Ramirez... A Lot

PNoles and I are watching the game again tonight. Should be a real bundle of laughs.

7:14 CST: I just turned on the game, like 45 seconds ago, and Joe has already praised Joe Torre for calling a hit and run with Manny Ramirez on first and James Loney at the plate. He mentioned that if the Dodgers want to make the playoffs, they're going to need to do more of that and stop "waiting around for the home run." Sending Manny Ramirez: pretty much asking for an out. (Too bad it worked and Loney managed to slap a single through the left side. Bah humbug.)

7:21 CST: Casey Blake clubs a 3 run bomb on a pitch that K Zone shows as being about three inches above the knees. Joe insists that it was "up in the zone... for a sinkerballer." Maybe he missed his location and wanted it to sink out of the zone, but buddy, it doesn't matter what kind of pitcher you are. Three inches above the knees is three inches above the knees.

7:22 CST: Jon Miller praises Blake for "coming through in the clutch!" I don't know how clutch you can possibly be in the top of the first, but I guess whatever the upper limit of that categorization is, Blake hit it.

7:31 CST: Stephen Drew gets thrown out trying to steal second. Joe does not approve. Well, which is it, Joe? You don't want them to wait around for the three run bomb, do you? (Actually, Joe's probably right here. It's just funny to hear him not approve of a SB attempt, regardless of context.)

7:35 CST: Joe's analysis re: Brandon Webb's struggles: "Make no mistake about it... when you're going for your 20th win, a lot of things go through your mind. Especially in this day and age, when so few guys get there." I'm awarding him zero points for this one.

7:40 CST: According to Joe, the name of the Diamondbacks' starting pitcher is actually Brandon Wells.

7:47 CST: Joe, re: the Brewers' petitioning of the league to change the scoring of the Pirates' only hit in today's game to give C.C. Sabathia a no hitter: "I've always thought it was in the rulebook, from back in my umpiring days, that the first hit had to be a clean hit."

1) Can you imagine how awful Joe would be as an umpire, what with his complete inability to make tough decisions?
2) That's not in the rulebook.

7:55 CST: Jon praises Casey Blake for squibbing a grounder past Webb (Wells?), allowing Matt Kemp to advance from 2nd to 3rd. He calls it good "situational hitting, to get the ball past the pitcher like that!" Call my crazy, but I don't think there's a situation in the whole game of baseball where your goal ISN'T to hit the ball past (or away from, in the case of bunting) the pitcher.

8:04 CST: Joe is sure that acquiring David Eckstein will help the Diamondbacks because they "need a little more leadership on the field." Hopefully they also need more mediocre defense and poor hitting, because Lil' Eck will be bringing those to Phoenix as well.

8:13 CST: OK, guys. Webb isn't keeping his sinker down in the zone and Lowe is. We get it. You can only talk about that for so many straight half-innings (going on five at this point) before it gets stale.

8:17 CST: Joe, re: Andre Ethier's RBI double with 2 strikes: "Well, with two strikes, he changes his mindset and just wants to drive the run in." What was his mindset before he had 2 strikes? Try not to drive the run in? Foul off as many pitches as possible? Check out the hot girl sitting behind the dugout?

8:26 CST: And Webb is out of the game. Earlier today, the front page headline on espn.com was his picture, with the headline "Oh, What a Webb!" Any guesses about that one? Anybody? Is it a play on that oldies hit "Oh, What a Night?" What am I missing here?

8:33 CST: Jon has a theory as to why Joe Torre is such an effective manager: "He has the ability to phrase something, and not make it sound like a cliche!" (I use an exclamation mark because Jon always sounds like he's excited about everything.) If it even exists, I'm not sure that ability is more or less important to a manager's ability level than filling out a lineup card. We'll call it a push for now.

8:50 CST: PNoles's apartment has several visitors in it right now, so I'm having trouble hearing Jon and Joe over the awful racket going on in here. It is helping me enjoy the game a lot more, though. Every cloud has a silver lining.

8:57 CST: Going back to the Eckstein trade: how the hell did he clear waivers? The whole AL let him get away? Really? Haven't these teams ever heard of winning?

8:59 CST: Since I'm grasping at straws here, I might as well offer commentary on the commercials. I kind of enjoy these Mike's Hard Lemonade spots that are obviously ripping off Tommy Boy, but what demographic are they going after? There can't be a huge overlap between Chris Farley fans and sugary malt beverage drinkers.

9:05 CST: Speaking of how excited Jon gets when pretty much anything happens, Tony Clark just missed a catch in foul ground during an 8-0 game. "HE DROPPED IT! HE HAD IT, AND IT BOUNCED OUT!" Easy, tiger. Easy now.

9:12 CST: As the third out is recorded in the top of the 6th, Joe reveals that he'll be pressing Jon for Jon's MVP and Cy Young picks during the next half inning. Hopefully Joe is willing to give his own opinions as well- I'm already getting tingly thinking about the possibilities.

9:15 CST: Obviously Jon has his finger squarely on the pulse of pop culture; after a brief K Zone montage of Lowe's sinker tonight, he manages to funkily blurt out "Derek Lowe, 'get down' tonight!" Hopefully Kool and the Gang will be visiting the booth later in the evening.

9:19 CST: Joe finally settles the age-old debate about the relative levels of passion for baseball expressed by fans on America's two coasts. "A lot of people say people on the east coast care more about baseball. But I'm a west coast kind of guy! I really think the guys in Los Angeles... the fans in San Francisco... I think fans on the west coast really care about baseball too." Good to have that all cleared up.

9:27 CST: Jon has told Joe to back off the end-of-the-year award questions. Oh nooooo!

9:28 CST: Wait, wait, wait, wait.... whoa. We're back on topic. Jon says some wishy washy crap about the Cubs' whole lineup. Joe then takes the reins. He helpfully reminds us that we won't know until the season is over (thanks a lot), but then reveals his dark horse candidate: Carlos Delgado. His OPS+: 122. Pujols' OPS+ (not that I'm saying he's necessarily the best pick, just that he's one of many potential better picks): 191. Cue up the laugh track.

9:41 CST: Jon and Joe discuss NL Cy Young candidates without saying anything especially dumb. Of course, Joe was quick to point out that many guys have had excellent seasons. As opposed to 2007, when one and only one guy had an excellent season.

9:44 CST: I am shocked MLB didn't bring Dane Cook back for their playoff promos. Why not? Part of advertising is getting people to remember your message, and I don't think Dane could possibly have done a better job in that capacity. Everyone say it with me: there are only how many Octobers?

9:58 CST: I just realized, we didn't have any Joe-less half innings tonight. Either he's holding it, or tonight he managed to take his bathroom break(s) during a commercial break(s).

10:01 CST: Joe and Jon wax poetically about the alleged HOF credentials of one Maury Wills. The comedy of this doesn't really need to be expanded upon much: let's just leave it at his career OPS+ of 88. Although, I have to say I'm surprised that Joe would be in his corner. It's not like Wills was part of the Big Red Machine.

10:11 CST: Sorry, I kind of tapered off at the end there. That's enough nerdery for tonight. We'll be back next Sunday as Joe and Jon continue their elaborate dance of idiocy. Remember, as unfunny as I am, at least I have two working eyes! (I really wanted to end on a high note, and taking a shot at Stu Scott seemed like the way to do it.)