No, I'm Not Dead.

Though this blog has certainly flourished in my absence, I'm back to my scribblings (damn, the ghost of Ed Hardiman made me use that word). I was in Las Vegas this past week or so playing in the World Series of Poker. Though I was a disappointing Day 2 bustout, there is a large chance that I'll make a brief TV appearance saying the word "Wow". So if that doesn't just scream "ridiculously awesome consolation prize", I don't know what does.

Anyway, wasn't I here for a reason? Oh yeah. Tom Gage.

Wait....Tom Gage?

Who the fuck is Tom Gage?

Excuse me while I don't vote for Jason Giambi.

Ohhhhh....Tom Gage.

We all fully understand how difficult it is to choose the most deserving All-Star team. It's not a science, but if it were, it would be inexact.

That said, the American League All-Star team this year is flawed not seriously, but enough to be puzzling. Everyone botched it, to some degree: The fans, the players and, of course, the presiding manager who never avoids being second-guessed.

It's really hard to have a "seriously" flawed All-Star team. But this year's AL team comes damned close. Jason Varitek is a joke. Joe Crede had no business beating out Longoria on the basis of offensive stats, let alone his 17 errors. I know you have to select at least one dude per team, but why were Joe Saunders and Ervin Santana both included without giving at least a look to John Danks? I could go on for quite some time, but why don't we check out why Gage is upset?

If it weren't such a position of honor to manage an All-Star team, because it means your team was in the World Series the year before, it would be a miserably thankless job.

It nearly is, anyway. Red Sox manager Terry Francona called it "excruciating."

But that doesn't explain why Giambi, with a .256 batting average, is on the Final Vote ballot -- which adds one more All-Star to both teams during the week after the rosters are announced.

::sigh:: No, I suppose that the fact that Terry Francona called the process of selecting the All-Star team "excruciating" does not explain why Giambi, with a .256 batting average, is on the Final Vote ballot. Point: Gage.

If it were a first baseman Francona wanted on the ballot, he would have done better to choose Miguel Cabrera.

Why? Because you write for a Detroit web site?

Giambi has more RBIs than Cabrera (53-50), but

Actually a pretty solid start to a "but" clause. The RBIs are definitely not that big a deal. Hope you finish this one strong!

Cabrera is outhitting him .282 to .256.

Oh my! Well let's see here. Jason Giambi gets on base 39.4% of the time compared to Cabrera's 35.7%.......hey wait a second! That doesn't make sense! Cabrera has a higher batting average! What kind of witchcraft is at work here?

That's not to say Cabrera is slam-dunk worthy of being an All-Star this year, just that he and several others deserve it more than Giambi, whose RBI ratio is impressive and batting average isn't.

1) RBI....ratio?
2) Okay, fine, I'll dump the play-dumb sarcasm. Giambi has had a monster first half. The dude is fucking OPSing .928. Not only does Giambi deserve to be on that ballot, he deserves to strangle everyone who fucking voted Joe Crede into the game. Does the AL really need 3 backup 3rd basemen?

Francona did select Tampa Bay catcher Dioner Navarro as a backup, and that's a nice pick, although it could be argued that Chicago's A.J. Pierzynski deserved it more.

Arguable, certainly.

Does .317 in 227 at-bats qualify Navarro as an All-Star over Pudge Rodriguez's .290 and 14 previous All-Star selections?

God, I really have to answer this? Ivan Rodriguez has been a bad hitter since 2004. I don't care what the fuck he did in 1999. The All-Star team is for the players that have performed the best, barring some sort of Ripken-like situation. You've got disorders, Gage. When I'm listening to you, everything gets all hazy and Detroit-y and batting average-y.

Probably not, but it's a nice gesture all the same.

There you go. "Probably not" is the answer. I'm looking at a half handle of Smirnoff right now and estimating how far I'd have to drink it down until I'm this stupid. I'm setting the bar right around the middle of the label.....