A Blow-up Doll in the Locker Room? Cancel the World Series!

Carol Slezak chimes in for the benefit of all things vagina.

White Sox blew it by allowing sexist shrine

Blew what? Monday's game? The season? Your own personal level of respect for the White Sox?

(One, and only one, of those three are correct.)

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen curses this city for failing to give the Sox organization proper respect, but he has no problem with the infantile and sexist "shrine" his players erected in their locker room.

What a double-standard! Ozzie wants the city to respect a baseball team, but has no moral problems with the players goofing around in the clubhouse by (sort-of) copying a gag from the movie Major League! 25 guys in their 20's and 30's trying to keep their spirits up by using sex-related humor? Forbidden! Why the hell is this turning into such a big deal?

Designed to help the team break out of its slump, the shrine featured two female blow-up dolls surrounded by ''strategically placed'' baseball bats and was accompanied by a sign that read, ''You've Got To Push,'' Canada's National Post reported.

OK yeah, this is immature, but come the fuck on. This shouldn't piss off anyone but the blow-up dolls.

''A few of the bats were doing naughty things,'' Sun-Times beat writer Joe Cowley wrote in his blog. Apparently one of the dolls was propped up by a bat in its rear end. Whether the lewdness was intentional or not, this was inappropriate. As were the blow-up dolls. Period.

Says Carol Slezak, Ultimate Goddess of Clubhouse Morality. Hear ye, hear ye! Thou shalt not place wooden batting instruments up the poopshoot of an inanimate object!

Neither Guillen, his players nor anyone else in the Sox organization had attempted to conceal the shrine from reporters before the Sox played the Blue Jays on Sunday at Toronto's Rogers Centre.

This is the only problem with the incident. Letting the idiot media get a hold of it so that they could make a big deal out of it. The team just lost 4 straight games to the Toronto Blue Jays. They scored 5 fucking runs. Let's talk about blow-up dolls, which are the real issue.

And on Monday, Guillen defended the display (which had since been taken down), rationalizing that the team treats female reporters respectfully, and besides, he has seen a lot worse during his big-league career. So what's the big deal, anyway?

These might be the most rational thoughts to ever emanate from Ozzie Guillen's mouth. Thank you Ozzie. Look Carol, they're a bunch of young guys. This shit is going to happen. You really think that the locker room of every sports team isn't chalk-full of sexist humor?

Apparently the sensitivity training classes Guillen attended after using a gay slur in 2006 did not include a segment on blow-up dolls.

Bud Selig, this is a problem! Why the hell didn't you make sure Ozzie Guillen got a lecture on blow-up dolls for calling Jay Mariotti a fag? What a load of malarkey....

Just so we're clear, had there been any female reporters working Sunday's game -- my understanding is there weren't -- the Sox could have found themselves in legal trouble as a result of the display.

And so would have begun the Canadian Version of the Supreme Court case of Women who can't take a joke v Chicago White Sox

It's also possible male reporters were offended by the display.

Possible....how? What thing with a penis would give a damn about that?

But this isn't about reporters' feelings.

Coulda fooled me thus far.

Reporters are conduits to the fans. What a team does behind closed doors is its own business. But once the locker room opens, the franchise is on public display. So, how do you like your team now, Sox fans?

I uh....I guess I'd be upset they just lost 4 straight games to the Toronto Blue Jays, a team no better than "meh" despite possibly having the best pitching in the American League. Now they're in 2nd place, and I'm displeased with them.

Do you think the players respect women? I'm not so sure about that.

FINE. Okay? FINE. The White Sox are currently in motherfucking last place in the "respecting women" standings. Dead last in the AL Central. They're 65 SJB (Sexist jokes back) of the Kansas City Royals. No one ever thinks they're going to win the World Series of Morality ever again. Now if we could just get back to the fact that Jesse Litsch made the White Sox look downright foolish on Saturday....

Can you imagine the Yankees or Red Sox building a similar shrine in their locker room, in full view of clubhouse visitors? Can you imagine Joe Girardi or Terry Francona allowing that to happen? I can't.

Why did you have to say "Yankees or Red Sox"? Why? Can't you say like "Diamondbacks or Mariners"? Is there some sort of standard for conduct that the Red Sox and Yankees set for the entire league? Are those teams known for their clean knock-knock jokes or something? Oh wait, no, I've got it. Yankees and Red Sox clubhouses have blow-up dolls of women that are wearing full-blown business suits and are getting a promotion from a nearby CEO blow-up doll (which may or may not be female). And whenever a player walks by the doll, he looks at it with earnest eyes and says....

"I respect you as my equal."

While Guillen has no problem with the shrine, he has definite issues with where the Sox rank in this two-team baseball city. His Sunday sermon proved that.

The manager's more concerned about the success of the organization than sex jokes! Fire him!

That's not to let the players off the hook. Who among them thought this was a good idea? How could the so-called team leaders -- Paul Konerko, Jim Thome, Mark Buehrle, Orlando Cabrera and Nick Swisher -- allow this this to happen?

They want the team to do well, so they're trying to lift the team's spirits? They're doing whatever they feel is necessary to turn the team around, Carol. If they think that'll get the positive waves going, let them do it. Who gives a shit?

To think there wasn't a single player man enough to stand up and say, ''This is wrong.''

That man is Alexei Ramirez. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to travel to Canada with the team.

There's also rumors that Scott Linebrink was complaining about it, but everyone just laughed him out of the clubhouse for being a pussy.

I'm sure the players' moms, wives, sisters and daughters are really proud of them. Way to go, guys.

I'm sure none of them give a shit. And I mean it.

And just so we're clear, the tired ''boys will be boys'' excuse no longer works.

Do you have a reason for that? Are you Supreme Arbiter for Human Morality Affairs? Seriously, who the fuck are you to say these things?

Side note: You loooooooooooove the "And just so we're clear" phrase. Keep repeating it! It makes you sound like you have some sort of justification for things you say! It's making you a stronger writer by the second!

But it starts at the top. I'm pretty sure Guillen was born without a sensitivity chip, but what about general manager Ken Williams and chairman Jerry Reinsdorf?

I think it's funny that Carol here (can't remember your last name by now, because you're a no-name writer who probably blames that on men being promoted over you) feels that GM Kenny Williams and owner Jerry Reinsdorf have "monitor clubhouse sex jokes" in their job description.

What about commissioner Bud Selig, who ordered Guillen's 2006 sensitivity training? Verbal or not, intended or not, the blow-up doll shrine said a mouthful about how the Sox organization views women. And I don't like what I heard.

You're only fooling yourself if you think Major League Baseball players on any other teams are any different towards women.