Come on, sportswriters of America! They just released the ballot, so the time to get your moralizing and self-important posturing in is NOW! NOW NOW NOW! Talk about how Mike Piazza supposedly had back acne, or how Jeff Bagwell "was just a little too strong for it to have been only weightlifting, if you get my drift," or how Barry Bonds stabbed baseball to death with a screwdriver and danced on its grave. Alas, I looked for a while and came up with nothing. Give it a couple of weeks I guess. Instead, who's up for some Bill? His picks column from last week is all I've got, because I refuse to watch his dipshittery unfold on TV, and he's not writing anything else right now because he's too busy playing with the Trade Machine ZOMG TRADE MACHINE NERDGASM NERDBONER.
Gambling update: Gotta hand it to him; he's 18-11 since I last updated. That puts him at 54-50 on the season, which is basically the break even point. Good for him. Meanwhile, Year of the Dog? How could it NOT be Year of the Dog when they went 15-14 these past two weeks, leaving them at 84-88 on the season. It's almost too easy! THANKS FOR THE FREE MONEY, VEGAS!
Anyways, here are some LOWlights (lol) from his week 12 picks. Someone should punch this man in the throat, yes, but let's not ignore His Readers (tm). Most of them need a good throat-punchin' too.
Q: I have a six year old son. He is basically like a boney ball of energy that just wants to wrestle, run, jump, and climb everywhere and all the time. As a dad, it’s fun to horse around and let him win like a WWE style match. He loves it. But sometimes he gets a bit out of control and I need to pull him off a bookshelf or off my back. For everyone’s safety. He always has the same stunned reaction, like “How did you do that? You must be the strongest man in the world!” Watching the Pats game and Gronk’s ridiculous man handling of the Colts it reminded me of well, me as a dad. Gronk looks like he is just playing with a bunch of little kids. Its all fun and games, until he gets pissed and decides to toss defenders around like a dad that just took much crap. You’ve got a boy, ever go ‘Gronk ‘on him?
—Jim, Wharton, NJ
Here’s how much I love Rob Gronkowski: I haven’t written a full-fledged Gronk column because I can’t risk putting the Simmons Stink on him, seeing him suffer another dumb injury because yet another safety cowardly took out his legs when Gronk wasn’t looking,
—Patrick, Rhode Island
BS: And you didn’t even mention this wrinkle — in a 30-year span from 1956 (when the award was created) through 1986, only 17 QBs won the MVP.
Q: After watching Gronk’s
—Sam and Noam, Brooklyn
BS: You nailed the current LeBronk Mount Rushmore
—Alex MG, NYC
BS: Yes! Yes! Yes! This is a GREAT mailbag question.
Why I picked against the Chiefs (via Instagram): “Trap Game + 8 Straight KC Covers + We’re Overdue for An Andy Reid Game.” I think that makes me Nostrasimmdus! Never change, Andy Reid. Never change.
—Dave, Rogersville, MO
BS: And … there’s your problem with the Chiefs. You can’t be one-dimensional for four straight playoff rounds. It’s never worked.
—Steve D, Philadelphia
BS: I’d jump on that Eagles +170 bet.