Hey, Want To Read Some Jackass's 6,000 Word History Lesson About How Boston Changed Between 1998 and 2008?
Of course you don't. So avoid Bill Simmons's latest column. Here's what you need to know- back then it was full of racists, and now it's full of racists who are really excited about their local sports franchises. Anyways, in keeping with the spirit of this blog's unwritten policy that I must complain about Simmons's misconceptions about the uniqueness of Boston's fan base at least once every four hours, here's the most preposterous section of the article:
That's a phenomenon unique to this particular city -- an unusually high level of fraternizing between the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots that started a few years ago and eventually reached the point that players show up to support the other teams.
OK... listen, dickass. This is really becoming your "thing," isn't it? Always gotta slip it into your columns. Boy, Jay Mariotti's inability to realize that there is nothing special about July 2, 2006 doesn't have shit on Bill's inability to realize that this is the kind of thing that happens in every multi-sport city all the fucking time. Boston. Fans. Are. Not. Special. (Here's the most in-depth post I've ever made about the subject, but you don't have to look too hard to find dozens of other small examples scattered here and there.) Not even their athlete fans. How do I know this? Besides the fact that I'm not Bill Simmons, I've also seen or heard about Nuggets/Rockies/Avalanche/Broncos players attending each others' games since I can remember. And more recently I've experienced the same trend among Redskins/Capitals/Wizards/Nationals players. Now, Denver and DC are not exactly two cities known for their vibrant sports scene. The former is really just a town for binge drinkers and fitness nuts (what a juxtaposition!) while the latter tends to revolve around politics for some reason. So if players are showing up at each others' games in those cities, I'm very comfortable making the leap and assuming it's happening everywhere.
Now, there are two extra points I have to make to clarify my position.
1) Re: the context of Bill's comment, the list of Boston athletes/former athletes he cited as having been in attendance at Sunday night's Lakers/Celtics game was actually pretty impressive. Sort of. Bill Russell? Cool. (I hope he didn't get called the "n" word by the people in his section too much.) On the other hand, Coco Crisp and Antoine Walker? Whoop-de-balls. But it's certainly more impressive than a potential list of DC athletes/former athletes at a Nationals game on a Wednesday in May. You know why? Because the Boston list came from game two of the NBA Finals. And an absurdly-hyped and long-anticipated finals at that.
2) You know who was on Simmons's list, who I must concede might actually put Boston athletes over the top and convince me that they really are different and more special than other cities' athletes? That's right, the man with the diamond-encrusted 28" pecker himself... Tedy Bruschi. Bruschi! He's the founder and CEO of The United Way, UNICEF, and "Locks of Love!" Speaking of which, look at his hair! You've got an erection, don't you! Don't worry! That's normal! *Larry B trails off while making bad Bruschi jokes*