Bill Simmons' Friends Are Just as Stupid as He Is

Thanks to long time reader Mr. F, for alerting me to this utter stupidity from Bill Simmons' pen-ultimate B.S. Report:

"JackO on the podcast said that even though Santana has a sub 2.7 ERA, and is top 5 in basebal in WHIP and ERA +, he feels that his beloved Yankees dodged a bullet by not getting him because "he is 8-7" right now."

Other logical conclusions made by the distastefully named Jack-O:

IF it looks like a Rat
AND it smells like a Rat
AND it is brown
THEN it must be a Brown Dog
QED

IF the woman at the bar has a large Adam's Apple
AND the woman at the bar has a penis
AND the woman at the bar has big breasts
THEN I'm totally going home with that woman at the bar tonight and having heterosexual intercourse with her.
QED

Feel free to add your own in the comments. Non-Bill Simmons stuff forthcoming, maybe.