Friday, July 25, 2008

Bill Simmons' Friends Are Just as Stupid as He Is

Thanks to long time reader Mr. F, for alerting me to this utter stupidity from Bill Simmons' pen-ultimate B.S. Report:

"JackO on the podcast said that even though Santana has a sub 2.7 ERA, and is top 5 in basebal in WHIP and ERA +, he feels that his beloved Yankees dodged a bullet by not getting him because "he is 8-7" right now."

Other logical conclusions made by the distastefully named Jack-O:

IF it looks like a Rat
AND it smells like a Rat
AND it is brown
THEN it must be a Brown Dog

IF the woman at the bar has a large Adam's Apple
AND the woman at the bar has a penis
AND the woman at the bar has big breasts
THEN I'm totally going home with that woman at the bar tonight and having heterosexual intercourse with her.

Feel free to add your own in the comments. Non-Bill Simmons stuff forthcoming, maybe.


larry b said...

Mr. F from Arrested Development? (Mistahhhhh Effffffff)


IF it is named Andruw Jones
AND it has an OPS+ of 36
THEN it must have been a good free agent signing, because remember how good Andruw Jones used to be?

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese said...

IF the media constantly hypes the Yankees and Red Sox
AND casual fans everywhere decide to start following those two teams because of that hype
AND their games get good television ratings
THEN all real baseball fans have a rooting interest in the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry and are glued to their TVs every time they play each other.

Oh wait...Simmons and his buddies really do believe that.

IF the Red Sox are the biggest rivals of the team with by far the most World Series titles
AND their ballpark is one of baseball's oldest
AND they play in the same region as ESPN
AND they have a national following
THEN they have way more history, tradition and class than all those other Major League teams

Oh wait...they believe that too.

Jarrett said...

proofs? really?