Thursday, July 31, 2008

Obligatory Day-After-White-Sox-Make-A-Trade Post

The Man Whose Columns I Shall Not Link is making noise again. I have made many of my posts on this site in the wee hours of the A.M. For undisclosed reasons, making posts at this time is probably going to end with this one. So this is it. I'm going to pull up a nice bag of Wheat Thins, get comfy in this chair in my sweatpants, and watch Jay Mariotti delay my sleeping hours for one last time.

Griffey's presence will help, but White Sox still flawed

Couldn't be more giddy. Talks about how Griffey physically being there is more valuable than him doing anything baseball-wise.

Please understand this: The White Sox are not getting the first-ballot Hall of Famer, the Ken Griffey Jr. once endorsed for president by Nike, the phenom who scaled fences and blasted home runs in flurries and defined the essence of the five-tool stud.

::gathers up every person in the state of Illinois::

Sit down everyone. Now listen carefully. If any of you think that the Ken Griffey Jr. that is coming to the White Sox is anywhere near as good as the Ken Griffey Jr. from say, 10, even 5 years ago, please stand up.

::no one moves::

Useful first sentence, Jay!

Please know they're getting Griffey in his 38-year-old twilight, the Griffey who hasn't played center field regularly since 2006, the Griffey who has gained weight, the Griffey who wasn't coveted by anyone but Ken Williams.

Coveted? He sent away a fringe middle reliever and a 2B who seems to be on the verge of washing out. I would have been worried if either of those guys was of any importance, but clearly, this was just a move that required absolutely no risk to make.

What they're looking for is some stability in center, some power in the No. 6 hole and a way to demote Paul Konerko, whose mysterious demise no longer is tolerable. But the Mark Teixiera trade, this is not.

No shit.

A plan-another-parade trade, this is not. If the Sox truly were gunning for another championship, they would have thought bigger, bolder and younger -- and also would have addressed their pitching, defense and speed issues.

I would love to see Jay Mariotti be a GM! It would be so much fun!

Jay Mariotti: What's out there on that market! We need to get power, pitching, defense and speed, right away!

Assistant: Well, there's several good candidates out there, but....

Jay Mariotti: But WHAT? Let's get them!

Assistant: Well, you traded away your farm system last year in the "Bigger, Bolder and Younger" campaign last year.

Jay Mariotti: Nonsense! There has to be someone good still playing down in the minors for us to deal.....

Assistant: No, I mean you literally traded away your farm system. We don't even have any minor league teams anymore.

Jay Mariotti: When the fuck did I do that? What do we even have to show for it?

Assistant: The guys you've been whining about acquiring for what seems like forever! Mark Teixeira, Torii Hunter, Dwyane Wade, Derek Anderson, and Coco Crisp. Sir.....a couple of those men don't even play baseball....are you sure that you know what you're doing here?

Jay Mariotti: Duh! Appeasing insatiable blowhard columnists! That's what general managers do, right?

Assistant: Sir, Wade just threw his 8th wild pitch of this game.

Jay Mariotti: Piss off already.

In failing to land Huston Street or another reliever, Williams leaves the Sox scarily vulnerable in the bullpen.

Because he didn't want to trade away Aaron Poreda, a man whose existence I'm quite sure you're unaware of.

They are not, in other words, going to win another World Series this year.

Uh oh, Jay's busting out the crystal ball again! Might I remind you that there is no possible way you can say that with confidence?

The Sox remain a big, plodding, muscular team that hits for power -- Carlos Quentin, Jermaine Dye, Jim Thome, Griffey, Joe Crede when he returns -- but has trouble manufacturing runs any other way.

The White Sox have scored 539 big, plodding, muscular runs this season. That's some good ploddin' lemme tells ya. Good for third in the AL, it is. But they haven't produced any runs from their Run Factory Manufacturing Production Plant System Depot Building For Manufacturing Runs. Which would be a concern, except, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW THE FUCK YOU SCORE YOUR RUNS AS LONG AS YOU SCORE THEM!

They'd be great in Home Run Derby. A recipe for glory, it is not.

Do I have to bring up the 2006 Cardinals again? I do, don't I? The recipe for glory involves things like Scott Spezio and Jeff Weaver. The White Sox have....Griffey. Nope, not on the list, sorry.

Do give Williams props in one respect, though. He senses a good story, an opportunity for an all-time great to revitalize his career in a pennant race and reach down for a big homer here, an important catch there while offering a daily clubhouse reminder that he never has played in the Series.

That's what Williams is trying to do! He sure doesn't care if he wins playoff games, but dadgummit, it's a good story!

The Angels clearly became the team to beat in October with their dynamic acquisition of Teixiera, whose power production answers their only deficiency.

Apparently playing Maicer Izturis and Jeff Mathis every day doesn't qualify as a "deficiency".

Every team has problems. The Angels aren't infallible or anything.

But at least Williams gave his ballclub an impetus to outlast the Twins and Tigers in the American League Central. Maybe Sox players who wear 2005 rings, and aren't necessarily driven to win another, will feed off the motivation to win for Junior.

I challenge you to find one player on the Chicago White Sox that does not want to win a World Series very badly. It's not like I have some sort of proof that they all do. It's just that I'm calling you out on having no clue what the hell you're talking about.

Maybe everyday players who are struggling or don't inspire confidence -- Konerko, Nick Swisher, Brian Anderson -- will be inspired to perform now that a legend is bumping their playing time.

Apparently, logging 139 ABs through the end of July without any DL stints earns you the title of "everyday player" in Jay's mind.

I mean, this is Ken Griffey Jr. Can't he help just by being around?


"One of the things that factored into this was a guy who has had a great career but has not won a championship and how motivated he's going to be to get on that stage," Williams said. "That is a factor and will always be a factor for me."

Or, as Swisher told the media in Minnesota, "I just think there's a lot of added things he can bring. I mean, I had posters of that guy on my wall growing up. So I think it's going to be an awesome thing for all of us."

This is all very nice to include, Jay. But somehow, I don't think Griffey never having won a World Series or the number of posters of Griffey that Nick Swisher had in his room growing up really have any effect. Just a hunch.....

And the rotation has become a roulette wheel, with Jose Contreras reduced to limbo, Mark Buehrle and Javier Vazquez not performing like aces and too much riding on young John Danks and Gavin Floyd, neither of whom has pitched in a pennant race.

Number of 2007 Colorado Rockies starting pitchers that had previously pitched in a pennant race: 0.

I am so sick of people making a big fucking deal out of whether someone has pitched in a pennant race before. It's the same game with the same rules on April 15th as it is on September 13th.

What the Griffey deal does, I suppose, is pacify the Blizzard of Oz and save his liver, at least for a day or two.

If this is the main function of the Griffey deal, Kenny Williams not only needs to be fired, but he should be legally forced to suck Jay Mariotti's balls as well.

Indeed, no promises have been made to Griffey about next year or the $16 million. He is here to win a World Series.

Too bad I can't say the same about the Sox.

Yes, "too bad." You clearly want them to win very badly.



Jack M said...

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside knowing how 2 months ago Jay ripped on Guillen for saying management hadn't put together a team capable of making a serious push in October.

Then Jay goes and writes a piece lambasting the Sox management for not being bold enough, while at the same time saying that they'd acted only to appease Guillen for a few days.


Chris W said...

"But at least Williams gave his ballclub an impetus to outlast the Twins and Tigers in the American League Central. "

Who says that, besides 15 year olds trying to dress up non-ideas on a 3 page english paper that's only 1.5 pages long?

There is no question in my mind Jay hit Shitf+F7 because he didn't think the word "momentum" sounded impressive enough.

What an idiot. Seriously, no one talks/writes like that. "Will give them an impetus"

Seriously what a douchebag.

Also: this article sucked. If you wanted to rag on this trade, you'd rag on it from a "There is no place for Griffey to play unless you want to try to convince Ozzie to bench his butt buddy Konerko". And Jay just barely touched on that before moving on to his main thesis:

"Kenny probably thinks that Griffey is going to inspire anyone, but I know he's not. I know that is Kenny's motivation AND I know that he can't inspire the team, even though I'm a fucking pansy and won't come within 500 feet of the clubhouse even though it's my job to.

Also I smell. Probably"

Chris W said...


"What the Griffey deal does, I suppose, is pacify the Blizzard of Oz and save his liver, at least for a day or two. "

Am I missing something? Is this Jay's big fag-a-palooza? That Ozzie's going to be fired soon or that he should be?

I hate Ozzie as much as the next guy (actually a LOT more than the next guy) but frankly, Even if the Sox nose dive and start losing every single game they play (not so far-fetched a concept in the aftermath of last night's absolute disaster....but seriously folks)..

Even if they go on a ten game losing streak, Ozzie couldn't conceivably fired until the team were 5 or 6 games out of first. And even that's not realistic.

So EVEN if the Twins win every single game and the Sox lose every single game, it would take 6 days until Ozzie would be fired, even by the hottest tempered GM.....with or without Griffey.

Jay has brain damage.

Andy said...

Maybe by "save his liver" he means that Ozzie won't go on a nasty drinking binge because his team isn't that good.

stevekerr said...

All I have to say about last night's debacle is this: I will be throwing a party at the end of the '09 season when that dump in Minneapolis gets torn down.

In regards to the rest of the season:
The Twins are the best hitting team in MLB at home, and one of the worst hitting teams in baseball on the road, which is where the Twins will be playing the majority of their games from here on out. Granted the Sox aren't the most brilliant road team either, but it isn't as drastic as Minnesota. Also, MIN's run differential is pretty terrible, which leads me to believe they will level off. As long as the Sox can build up a 3 game lead before 9/23 when they go back to that hellhole, I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief.

Chris W said...

The humpdome is a disgrace to baseball and white sox pitchers' ERA's alike!

jotto said...


This is an interesting pick-up. It has a handful of different ways it can play out, and several players on the team could see their status impacted. In terms of the pennant race, there are many conceivable arguments for which direction this really takes the Sox. I myself am having trouble deciding how I really feel about brining in another slugger. I am completely open to input on this. But Jay Mariotti, paid sports columnist, a man who allegedly follows sports for his livelihood, can only point out such things as Griffey's age and the fact that this trade isn't bold enough and doesn't promise a championship.

I guess I'll just go for a walk around Lollapalooza today and ask random strangers what they think of the trade. I'm guessing 3 out of 4 hammered Chicagoans has more insight into this trade than this douche.

Tonus said...

Haha, getting Teixeira answers the Angels only deficiency? Hey, the guy's an upgrade, but Kotchman was doing a league-average job on offense for a team that is well below average offensively. And that is counting the fact that they were pounding the ball this month.

Mariotti should be slamming Guillen for saying that Swisher (97 OPS+ as a CF) wasn't doing any better than Konerko (74 OPS+ as a 1B). But Mariotti probably agrees with that assessment anyway.

Fire them both.

Chris W said...

to be fair to Guillen, he was saying that benching Konerko meant playing really it I don't know what the fuck.

Ozzie's a fucking idiot with no concept of how bad Konerko sucks and how much more deserving BA was of playing time.

Fuck Ozzie.

but also: Fuck the Moronotti.

pnoles said...

Mark my words, when the Metrodome goes up in smoke, I will be the man plunging the trigger for the dynamite. I will literally write a blank check to the bomb squad or whatever so that I can be the one to do it.

Pretty solid comments all differential, unreal luck with RISP, and a road-heavy schedule looks like it could be the demise of the Twins. Kotchman is certainly undervalued a little, and the Teixeira trade, while very good, doesn't make the Angels a superpower. And yes, when Ozzie made those claims that Nick Swisher was doing anywhere near as bad as Konerko this year, I became very, very angry.

Martin said...

Don't be messing with Jeff Mathis and his new status as the Keeper of Ecksteiny Grit. If the Sox had a whole team of guys as gritty as Mathis they'd never lose a game, and Mariotti would tell you this, everyday, after it happened.

I'm undecided about how much this trade will help the Sox, but since they gave up almost nothing, it's worth the gamble I'd say. Grif might have enough left in the tank to give them a boost, and moving Swisher to 1b and benching Konerko is a definite upgrade.

Djmmm said...

Saying that guys who won in 2005 aren't necessarily driven to win another championship is like saying that people who have lost their virginity aren't necessarily driven to get laid.

pnoles said...

Wait a minute djmmm. That is the best analogy anyone has ever made up about anything ever in the history of anything and everything.

JimArmstrong said...

Ozzie and Williams are down on BA because of his reaction to being handed the CF job in 2006. I mean, this spring they were giving the position to Jerry Owens, for god's sake, even after BA had a decent March. Ozzie is loyal to a fault, so he isn't going to knock Konerko publicly, and isn't going to play Anderson over Paulie unless he thinks Konerko is giving up, which is why he sat him the other day. Now he has someone to play CF, and he can sit the guy, so he will, but he will give him some ABs, like it or not.
Does Moronotti think Guillen has hepatitis or something? That liver remark made no sense to me. I don't remember hearing that Ozzie has a drinking problem. Or is that what he is insinuating?

Djmmm said...

Pnoles, assuming you're not being sarcastic, I think this is my proudest internet moment since Archie Micklewhite got us linked on Deadspin.

Where is that fucker, anyway?