Monday, July 7, 2008

I Don't Usually Do This Kind of Thing

But I think it's important since some of you foolios will probably vote for Tony Parker's wife or that dude with the gay plumber's mustache who wears women's underwear:




20 comments:

larry b said...

What? Evan Longoria has a name that's very similar to an actress? Holy shit! I hadn't realized that! Thank you for making a joke about it.

Just because you did so, I'm voting for Giambi. Deal with it.

JohnF said...

At least you admit it's shameless.
Speaking as the resident Yankee fan, I'll say that Jeter shouldn't be allowed anywhere near this year's game. He's stunk it up something awful.

Bengoodfella said...

Jeter has stunk it up something awful but what other AL shortstop should be in the All Star game? There aren't too many other choices.

He is the most popular also, and since the All Star balloting is all a popularity contest that consists of 8 year old kids, Cubs fans and Red Sox fans putting the only players in the game, Jeter will probably be in the game for the next 35 years.

If I enjoyed popularity contests and got drunk enough to vote, I would vote for Giambi simply because of the mustache. I wish there was a way I could care less about the All Star game but I don't think there is.

That being said, Brian McCann not being a starter is bullshit.

CitizenX said...

Surrresly.

Jeter had the highest OPS among qualifying shortstops for a long time during the voting. It's honestly a really crappy tossup at shortstop in the AL right now. Jeter's not even close to the worst selection, and I have to think he might have made it even if the fans didn't vote him in.

However...Jason Varitek?

Unknown said...

i'm not feeling dustin pedroia or fuckyou, do me

JohnF said...

The Varitek selection is a joke. I guess offense is down all over the AL this year, but even still. Varitek has been hitting like a Molina all season. But there are people in Boston who actually think that 'Tek is a Hall of Famer, so it's not like they can be reasoned with.
I think Michael Young should be the SS starter, but he's still on the team and Jeter is more of a name. I suppose it's not that bad. I'm just so frustrated with Jeter's year that I'm letting it color my analysis of the meaningless A-S game selections.

Bengoodfella said...

It does not help the Yankees either that their best shortstop is playing 3B for them.

Uh, CitizenX, Varitek plays for the Red Sox. That should be enough. He also deserves to get in the All Star game because he is the glue that holds that pitching staff together. Didn't you see Tim Wakefield give up 14 HRs and have a meltdown crying on the mound last night without Varitek catching him? Remember how awful Matsuzaka, Beckett, and Schilling were before they got to the Red Sox? Think about how bad they were Pre-Varitek and then look at how good they are now. That is why he is in the All Star game. That and he is sleeping with Peter Gammons. That's what I hear.

Bengoodfella said...

God, I hate the Red Sox. I used to hate the Yankees the most, but it is not even a contest now.

Joe Morgan and Jon Miller were giving a feeble argument for Jacoby Ellsbury as Rookie of the Year last night. They did not even mention Eva(n) Longoria. I swear to God if Ellsbury wins it, then my head will explode. Of course it is a meaningless award anyway, but still...

larry b said...

Just punched my 25th ballot of the day for Giambi. Did you know he's currently sporting a mustache? A mustache!!! On a grown man!!! If that's not newsworthy, I don't know what is.

I'm with Chris W about Pedroia (Kinsler by a longshot) and Fukudome (Burrell, among others) being the worst fan selections. Worst overall selection goes to Varitek- I suspect that the reason Francona chose him is because he's going to retire after the season. Even the most shameless of managers wouldn't throw in one of their players who was hitting .218 and OPS+ing 73 without some really special personal circumstances.

larry b said...

I should clarify- Varitek is going to retire at the end of the season, not Francona.

Bengoodfella said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with a Eva(n) Longoria joke. Don't get me excited Larry by joking that Varitek is going to retire at the end of this year unless it is actually going to happen.

Schilling and Varitek? That would be heaven.

Chris W said...

larry's just a hater, bengoodfella.

he's been drinking...wait for it...HATERade

Bengoodfella said...

What can the Red Sox do to get on ESPN? They are never on! They get no respect.

I just think a Eva(n) Longoria joke is so obvious it almost has to be made. He needs to stop the drinking of the HATERade. I am going to patent that phrase since I think you just made it up and it is completely original.

By the way Larry, Varitek is hitting .217 now. Steve Phillips also wants you to know he deserves to be on the All Star game because of the way he handles a pitching staff. I think there is a Mike Piazza joke in there somewhere. Handling the pitching staff has to count for something right? I hear Russell Martin is horrible at handling a pitching staff, mostly because he is from Canada and not a scrapper like Varitek.

larry b said...

The first 100,000 Eva(n) Longoria jokes, ever since he was drafted in the first round two years ago, were funny. Unfortunately that milestone has been recently eclipsed. Thus, the jokes are no longer allowed.

Bengoodfella said...

Sorry Larry, I did not realize the milestone had been reached. Are Mike Piazza jokes still funny? If not, then I am going to have to go back to the drawing board.

larry b said...

Jokes about Mike Piazza's questionable sexuality have not expired. All others have.

Chris W said...

here are jokes that are so played out they are officially unplayed out:

eva longoria
king james rules his court
barry bonds's hat size.

there are more but i am tired from being a comedy genius.

JohnF said...

I almost forgot to mention that Joe Morgan said that A.J. Pierzynski should be an All-Star because "his team is in first place, and that has to count for something."
Once you throw that level of idiocy out there, it's hard to come back.
Akinori Iwamura should be an All-Star! His team is in first place.

Chris W said...

well, especially since the catcher who made it instead of Pierzynski's team has as good a record as the White Sox. Also is another kind of Sox.

That said, Pierzynski probably would have been a better choice than Varitek.

Unknown said...

Pierzynski should have made the team over Varitek based on performance.

Varitek was selected by the players, not Francona.