Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twitter. Show all posts

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Twitter : sports analysis :: Twitter : solving world poverty

No time for a long post tonight, although I certainly owe everyone a substantial one (in whatever sense someone providing free content to fifteen or so people, most of whom are already his real life friends and would rather hang out with him in person than read his stupid sports blog, can owe that sort of thing).  Tonight's throwaway post comes courtesy of the Pro Football Talk Twitter feed.

If you click on that link, which you shouldn't, it'll take you to a blog post that is essentially a word for word transcription of Larry Fitzgerald's dad's Twitter feed.  Fitzgerald Sr. spent most of the afternoon bitching about how bad the Cardinals are.  Apparently we should pay attention to Fitzgerald Sr. because he's a sportswriter (for a weekly newspaper catering to Minnesota's African-American community, but still!  A sportswriter I guess), but I'm having a hard time taking his thoughts on the Cardinals seriously.  Problem #1 is that he has a dog in the fight which might cloud his objectivity.  Problem #2 is that his thoughts include the following pieces of "analysis":

Humbling embarrassing frustrating angering disappointing painful.What happens when u quit!


Definition of team quitting?9 losses n a row.9th loss 58-0!Injuries handling of offense worst nNFL.Adrian Wilson&Darnell Dockett situations!

How very expository.  But anytime you can tweet about a blog post about some angry helicopter parent's tweets, you've got to do it.  Someone needs to drive pageviews and keep the lights on at the offices of the NBCSports blog network.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I haven't had a lot of free time lately

I'm sure that's been evident from the frequency and length of my posts.  I barely have time to read stuff by TMQ and Simmons, let alone write about it.  That means I really need to thank noted Scott Boras shill Jon Heyman for providing me with so much stupidity in so few words:

1.  Did I mention that he's still shilling for Boras?  PRINCE WAS WORTH EVERY PENNY!  YOU HEAR ME, MLB OWNERS?  EVERY PENNYYYYYYY

2.  Pudge signed a 4 year/$40MM deal.  It was 2004, but that still doesn't come close to approaching "big ticket."

3.  Cabrera really signed a preTty big fRee Agent Deal, didn't hE?  No but seriously, the TRADE that brought him to Detroit was a memorable TRADE for a couple of reasons: the Tigers took Dontrelle Willis too, much to Florida's delight; and the centerpieces coming back to Florida were Cameron Maybin and Andrew Miller, who went on to record negative WAR for Florida over the course of the next three seasons.  

4.  To Heyman's credit, Ordonez really was a free agent, and really did sign a pretty sizable deal.  Never one to ever be right, though, Heyman still identifies a guy who was paid $89MM to produce 13.2 rWAR over the course of 5 seasons (more than half of it in 2007--which is to say, during the other 4 seasons encompassed by that deal, he was a colossal failure) as a real success.

5.  Fielder just had a very good season, one in which he was payed properly.  $23MM for somewhere between 4 and 5 WAR is about right.  So if Detroit signed him to a 1 year/$23MM risk-free deal last offseason, this tweet would be kind of sort of correct (besides the issues raised in 2, 3 and 4 above).  Unfortunately, Fielder turns 29 next season and will be paid either $23MM and $24MM every year until 2020, when he's 36.  So let's maybe hold off before we call this deal a flying success.

6.  This tweet has since been deleted.  WHERE ARE YOUR ETHICS, JON?  Just kidding, I don't really care about that, Heyman is less anti-blogger than most baseball writers.  Complaints 1 through 5 stand though.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


Never before in the history of sports have a city's NBA, NHL, and MLB teams all lost on the same day. Ever. So let's all cut Bill Simmons some slack and let him wallow in self-pity, OK? Or, alternatively, let's review some of his tweets from yesterday and laugh at them.

Tonight: Huge C's home playoff game, B's playing for Conf Finals, big Sox-Yanks Fenway tilt... Are we back in the mid-80's?

He's so excited!
Also, other than 1986, there were no seasons during the "mid" 80s (assuming neither 1981 nor 1988 counts) during which both the Red Sox and Yankees finished within 10 games of making the playoffs. Anyways, let's move to the middle of the Cavs/Celtics game.

Early start + awful traffic + late-arriving crowd + Jay-Z + locked-in LeBron + pro-Cle refs + flat Pierce = this sucks.

THE REFS AHHHHH AGAINST US! THE LEAGUE HATES US! Granted, the league probably wants LeBron to win a title. But I doubt they'd shed any tears if the Celtics won the series.

(This exchange sums it up.) My Dad: "Nate gave us a spark." Me: "We're down 26!" Dad: "Yeah, but we were down 30."

I hate you, Bill's dad. You sound like a twatmunch. So how did the day finish up?

It's official: Black Friday in Boston. Glad I flew cross-country to be here. I'm gonna go wander in traffic.

BLACK FRIDAY. WOE IS US. THE BRUINS ARE ONLY UP 3-1 IN THEIR SERIES, THE CELTICS ARE DOWN 2-1, AND THE RED SOX LAWST A SINGLE GAME IN A 162 GAME SEASON. What a fucking loser Bill is. It boggles my mind. This is almost as hilarious as last October, when the Patriots lost and the Red Sox were knocked out of the playoffs on the same day, making it "Black Sunday."

And ate a whole wheel of cheese. I'm not even mad. RT @sehart: LBJ just pooped in your refrigerator.

Like in that movie that everyone has seen and likes to quote!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

New Season, Same Dumbassery from Easterbrook

From Easterbrook's AFC Preview:

Touchdowns are pretty good stuff in football; players who produce touchdowns would seem to have value. Yet of the top 10 active NFL touchdown producers, six [were cut] (Terrell Owens,

Who was cut for salary/distraction reasons and quickly signed by The Bills, who were one of many teams competing for Owen's services.

Marvin Harrison

Washed up over a year ago.

Edgerrin James

Hasn't averaged 4 yards per carry since leaving the Colts, expensive.

Joey Galloway

38 years old, played in 9 games last year and caught 13 passes.

Tony Gonzalez

An expensive luxury that a rebuilding team couldn't afford.

Torry Holt


a seventh (LaDainian Tomlinson) was told to take a pay cut or hit the road

Had the worst year of his career last year and is signed to a large salary.

Only three of the top 10 active touchdown producers (Randy Moss, Isaac Bruce and Clinton Portis) were asked back without reservation by their teams.

Moss: Still one of the best 3 WR's in the game, relatively cheap salary.
Bruce: Cheap.
Clinton Portis: Still one of the best RB's in the game.

Of course, aging athletes often lose their ability to gain yards and score points -- though something tells me several mentioned in the above paragraphs will end up with more productive 2009 seasons than the younger players who got their roster slots.

The Rams and Chiefs know that they're probably not going to get better production out of the guys who replace Holt and Gonzo, but they can be assured that they won't be paying them big salaries, and they're not going to compete anyway.

Yet with the prominent exception of Brett Favre, the NFL seems increasingly eager to toss aside highly productive stars and coaches, handing their positions to people you've never heard of.

Just off the top of my head: Peyton Manning, Eli Manning, Tom Brady, Carson Palmer, LT, OchoCinco, Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Ben Roethlisburger, Hines Ward. Highly productive stars who have yet to be given the boot.

Could this be economic? In almost every case, the player or coach hired to replace an aging on-field or sideline star is paid less. NFL owners and general managers may increasingly be thinking, "Why pay for big names when we can drag some guy in off the street and no one will know the difference?" If this is what NFL owners and general managers are thinking, it's a slippery slope. As TMQ reminds, there is no law of nature that mandates the NFL must remain super-popular. Any sense that corners are being cut would be terrible for the sport.

See if you can follow Gregg's logic:

1. NFL teams are more and more likely to cut productive players to save money.
2. Despite NFL free agent salaries being determined by a free market, those new free agents inexplicably go unsigned, and therefore, do something besides play in the NFL.
3. The NFL talent pool declines.


I plan to use Twitter strictly to let readers know when the column posts. As soon as a new TMQ is up on Tuesdays, I'll send out a tweet. I don't plan to clog your laptop or cell phone with running commentary

I would pay good money to subscribe to a TMQ stream of consciousness Twitter feed. Here are some examples of the ensuing posts I would enjoy:

the_smartest_man_alive12: PHL punting 4th and 3 their own 45 in 1st q. Avg play = 5 yards. Buck buck bawk!

the_smartest_man_alive12: @the_tastefully_named_spencer_easterbrook: I just wrote 'game over' in my book too!

the_smartest_man_alive12: @the_tastefully_named_spencer_easterbrook: How did you delete your post saying 'game over' for PHL?

the_smartest_man_alive12: @the_tastefully_named_spencer_easterbrook: I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK WHEN I'M WRITING THE CHEERLEADER SECTION OF TMQ!

the_smartest_man_alive12: Ohio State is ahead of Akron by 13 in the 2nd quarter and they're still passing!

the_smartest_man_alive12: Did you see all the factual inaccuracies regarding Texas 4a football in tonight's FNL ep? WTF!?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dear Bill Simmons, Shut the fuck up

Sorry I'm doing another Bill Simmons twitter post. I promise that once I steal my parents' Net-Nanny password, I'll do a post that's a little more meaty (NO HOMO! j/k, but not really).

I'm fired up that we beat Spain

Let's trot this out again. From Bill Simmons rules for being a fan:

Be very careful when using the word "We" with your favorite team. Use it judiciously. Just remember, you don't wear a uniform, you don't play any minutes, and you're not on the team."

Perhaps it's justifiable to use "we" because it's the United States team, and it's his country blah blah. However, the fact that he didn't at all mention the amazing 6-goal swing that propelled the US into the semi-final denies him any right to claim US Soccer as his team. To put this in Bill's perspective, the 6-goal swing was the Dave Roberts steal of 2nd base, and the defeat of Spain was the Sawx beating The Yankees in that same ALCS. You're a front running, fair weather asshole, Bill.

but what the hell is the Confederation Cup? Is this better or worse than winning an ESPY?

Short Answer: Better.
Long Answer: Better, you fucking retard.

Seriously though, Bill is either too fucking stupid/lazy to go on Wikipedia/Soccernet and find out the following things:

1. Brazil and France (both top of the line soccer countries) have won 4 of the 5 Confederations Cups.
2. Regardless of what country/continent your team is from, it's very difficult to qualify for the Confederations Cup (unless your country is hosting the next World Cup).
3. Someone with even the most cursory knowledge of soccer would know that Spain, Brazil, and Italy all sent their teams filled to the brim with world class players. If it didn't mean shit, those players would be on a beach fucking multiple women who make Gisele Bundchen look homely and trivial by comparison.
4. The Confederations Cup has a definitive winner. Whereas the ESPY's are based on arbitrary opinion. Hence why they're stupid.

Or, more likely, Bill just had to take a shot at the ESPY's because it'd been a week since he'd last done so. Sure it belittles Team USA's accomplishment that he's so fired up about, but he had to rage against the machine a little bit. Lord knows that the ESPY's being shitty is such a well kept secret and all. Thanks for blowing the lid off that one, Cronkite.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Bill Simmons: Blissfully Unaware

More from Joe Buck's diary: "Still disappointed the audience didn't eat up that Pauly Shore joke. My 1997 comedy jokebook said that would kill!"

Joe Buck is a sanctimonious douche nozzle who has
unsuccessfully tried to parlay his kush nepotistic job in sportscasting into a comedy personality career. No argument here.

But look what Bill posted just one hour before that.

I enjoy McDonald's southern chicken sandwich even if its the Ja Rule to Chik Fil-A's Tupac.

Jeebus H. Crust.

1. Ja Rule hasn't been relevant since sometime between 2002 and 2004 depending on your level of interest in rap/r&b duets.
2. Referencing Ja Rule to Tupac was a tired and easy joke back in 2004, which was 5 fucking years ago.
3. Using the McDonald's southern chicken sandwich as an excuse to trot out that reference is terrible.
4. I can't prove this, but Chik-Fil-A is wildly overated. The best thing they do is the waffle fries.
Their chicken sanwich is the Dr. Dre of sandwiches at best.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Bill Simmons now condensing anecdotal bullshit to 140 characters or less

From the Sports Guy's Twitter:

Just parked next to a Lexus with a Lakers flag sticking out of it. The city of LA with a 2-0 Finals lead redefines the word "bandwagon"

ZOMG, someone who can afford to buy or lease a Lexus decided to show their affection for the Lakers with an annoying car flag. That completely redefines the the word "bandwagon!"

(Note: I live in LA and have seen car flags for fucking weeks now. You seeing one on a Lexus now proves less than nothing. Eat shit.)

I'd like to apologize for saying the city of LA defined "bandwagon" with a 2-0 Finals lead. I meant "frontrunner." Please adjust your sc...*

Yeah, everyone knows that Red Sox Nation defines "bandwagon."
For the true definition of a "frontrunner," peep this and this.

*Simmons went over the 140 character limit. The cutoff word was "scorecard." Now cackle with the laughter that can only be summoned by a man who once wrote for Jimmy Kimmel.