Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Buck Showalter Teaches Backpedaling 101

Have you ever been trying to pick up someone attractive, and suddenly said something that pretty much dooms your attempt, but then, rather than bailing out tried pathetically to save the situation? You end up sounding like "You know, I usually don't go for blondes like you. My ex was a blonde, and she was batshit crazy. (pause) Not that I think you're batshit crazy. (pause) And not that I'm still thinking about my ex! I was just noticing how nice your hair is, that's all. (long pause) You have really pretty eyes." See how well that worked? Ugh. Douchechills. And that brings us to Buck on Baseball Tonight yesterday.

(The scene- Red Sox vs. Orioles.)

Karl Ravech: Top 9, Boston within one, no outs, full count, and it's David Ortiz...

(Ortiz strikes out on a fairly obvious failed check swing.)

Eric Young: Buck, did he go?

Buck (taking the bait): Well, it's all about intent.

Karl (confused/disdainful): He didn't "intend" to swing?

Buck: Well, he didn't INTEND to swing... It's a matter of whether or not you................ (suddenly changing to a much brighter and friendlier tone) You know, Laz Diaz is a good umpire.

Oof. Just abandon ship next time, buddy. Nothing you say is going to bring him back at that point.

Also, I hate it when blogs make too big a deal out of this, but I feel it's worth mentioning that FireJay is officially one year old as of this morning. If you'd like, feel free to go back through the archives and read some of our shit from last May. Several things become clear when you do so- PNoles still hates Mariotti with a passion that not even my Simmons bashing can match, Dan-Bob and Chris W should post more often because they are funny dudes, and I've gone from being a shithead who doesn't use capital letters to a shithead who does.

Also also, this is the last you'll hear from me until next Tuesday, as I'm taking off on a vacation to the current murder capital of the country. I'm so glad the Saints made it to the NFC championship game two Januarys ago. As far as I learned at the time from ESPN/FOX/CBS, in doing so they saved the city and proved that there were absolutely no lingering effects from Hurricane Katrina. Awesome! Geeeeaaaauuuuuuxxxxxxxxx Saints!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Larry B, if I may ask a personal question on your one year blogiversary (anniversablog?), how did your quest to attend law school turn out? I'm curious because I'm going through the same process and I didn't even have an eye-grabber like mattress salesman on my resume.

Bengoodfella said...

I attended law school for year anonymous and I did not like it all that much. It was way too much book learnin' for me and not enough getti' talk.

Larry, what you mean by "pick up some attractive girl at a bar," don't you get more points if you pick up a fat chick with a unibrow? I thought that was the purpose...

pnoles said...

Happy 1-year, FireJay. May you always grow and prosper.

Sincerely,

One of the Guys Responsible for Making FireJay Grow and Prosper.

CitizenX said...

bengoodfella, i'm ashamed of you. the points don't matter in getting girls. it's like mario. the point is to get to the end of the level.


also i like to take mushrooms and jump on their heads.

why won't she squish?!?!

larry b said...

Ben- I'm not sure which points system you're using. In mine, the number of points you get is directly proportional to the woman's age, but ugliness has nothing to do with it.

Anonymous- Yes, I am happy to say that I no longer "hope to study law one day," or however that jackass writer put it. I am now "enrolled at a law school" (one I really like), scheduled to spend the next three years giving them all of my time and more than all of my money. Should be worth it in the end though. How will this affect FireJay? Will I be so sick of writing for school that I'll be unable to write for leisure? Or will being in school focus me and actually lead me into spending more time on the blog? Who knows? Who cares? No one!

X- You're a weird dude. But you're always welcome here.

Anonymous said...

Congrats. Not comfortable saying which school? I'll take that to mean BC.

larry b said...

Cape Cod State, actually. It's dahn in Quinzee. Gawd, I'm fahkin' wicked excoited.

blanco said...

congrats firejay guys. keep it up

CitizenX said...

You know who totally didn't spend 10 minutes trying to see if Cape Cod State was a real school?

Me.