Monday, May 12, 2008

How Long Does It Take Joe Morgan To Say Three Hilarious Things?

By my count during last night's Red Sox/Twins game, about 20 minutes. I flipped it on in the bottom of the 6th. By the bottom of the seventh, the following three examples of dunderheadedness has escaped his mouth.

1. ESPN was flaunting a new feature in which they show the elapsed time it takes a pitch to get from the pitcher's hand to the batter. They played singles by both David Ortiz and Justin Morneau in super slow-mo and real time using the camera/clock thingy. Having already watched a single to right by Ortiz in which the ball went from hand to bat in exactly 0.40 seconds (Note to Gregg Easterbrook- yes, even bad baseball analysts can sense single hundredths of a second!), Joe was watching a single to center by Morneau which happened after the exact same amount of elapsed time when he suddenly realized:

I'm a little surprised at how accurate that is. I mean... both pitches were 92 mph, and both he and Big Papi made contact 4 tenths of a second after the pitch left the pitcher's hand. (pause) That's pretty good.

Joe's fierce rivalry with anything and everything technological is well documented. Here, though, we see him perhaps giving a little ground. Yes... that is pretty good. You mean a clock measuring two pitches thrown at the same speed determined that they traveled the same distance in the same amount of time? Well I'll be damned. Maybe these computer thingys have something going for them after all.

2. After Red Sox 4th outfielder Coco Crisp hit a home run in the top of the 7th:

And that's just what i was talking about earlier. He (Terry Francona) gets Crisp a lot of at bats. He's been performing well for them. A lot of people thought he'd be sitting on the bench, behind Manny Ramirez and J.D. Drew and Jacoby Ellsbury. But he's revolved around and kept Crisp in the rotation, and he has been a rewarded.

Obviously you can see the point Joe's trying to make. But boy, he does have a way with words, doesn't he? So Francona has "revolved around" by giving Crisp at bats, and by doing so has kept him "in the rotation." Do outfields have rotations? They do now. And this has been "a rewarded" for the Sox Manager. OK. Got it.

3. After Twins DH Craig Monroe led of the bottom of the 7th with a home run, making it 9-6 Twins:

Craig monroe, giving them a three run lead with that run. It's more than just one run, it's a state of mind, so to speak.

Oh, there goes Joe again. Always a) going out of his way to say that [thing X] is really a whole lot more/less/different than [thing X], which you wouldn't know unless you were a former player like him, and b) unnecessarily clarifying/extending figures of speech. That solo home run is more than just one run, it's a state of mind, so to speak, as some people might put it, in certain cases, depending on what kind of team you have, in terms of the mental side of baseball, with cherries on top.


Tonus said...

If Craig Monroe was a good baseball player, he'd have singled to lead off the seventh inning, stolen second, advanced to third on a wild pitch, and raced home on a grounder to short.

But no, he sucks. Keep on hitting those home runs, you sandbagger!

Andrew said...

it's tricky though, because since Monroe only has 2 steals in his last 290 games, he's actually just a baseclogger. It's like a lose-lose for Joe.

Bengoodfella said...

I think the one thing I can say about Monroe last night was his consistency. He was consistent at the plate and that will serve him well, especially if he wants to hit like Gary Sheffield.

I have not seen Manny Ramirez play that much this year, so I can't really comment on whether his consistency is as consistent as Craig Monroe, but he does not clog up the bases as much as Ramirez and seems a whole more consistent at the plate at this point. I think the Tigers are still going to take that division when Sheffield comes back healthier, I think he will help the other players play better and more consistently.

That the answer I would get if I asked Joe Morgan, "Who is better Craig Monroe or Manny Ramirez?"

pnoles said...

I have to ask the "post" label going to be a permanent thing, Larry? :p

Martin said...

Beyond Joe and his hilarity, while watching the Twins-Red Sox gme yesterday, Orel and Philips kept talking about Buckholtz and his recentpitching problems. In particular , his need to realize he was fastball pitcher and to throw more of them. The entire time, I kept wondering, why doesn't Varitek (the Red Sox version of Jeter from a far West perspective) MAKE the kid throw fastballs. Keep calling for it, and every time the kid shakes you off, go slap him around on the mound for a bit. Instead, everything was about Clay, and how HE needed to find his identity as pitcher...blah blah blah. It was as if the Sox had a giant pitching screen as catcher and captain, and not some guy they drasticly overpaid a couple years ago because he was such a great game caller and so vital to the pitching staff....