Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm Back From Vegas!

Wow....I sure did pick a bad set of days to be away from Fire Jay Mariotti. A thank-you to Pearlman for raising our readership to what seems like eleventy billion compared to what it was before. My flight landed recently, and it's 3:15 A.M., so yeah, dead tired. But after taking a cool 2 G's from the complete lack of poker common sense found in Las Vegas tourists, I think the gambler inside me is appeased, and I'm ready to blog it up again.

That having been said, lets take a look at what Wallace Matthews was up to while I was away.

Yankees' Chamberlain right man for job

Yankees' Chamberlain: 5 IP. I have a similar theory along the same lines.

Kevin Mench between Apr 21, 2006 and Apr 28, 2006: 7 games played, 7 HR (one in each). Conclusion: Kevin Mench is the best baseball player who ever lived.

The buzz spread through Yankee Stadium as soon as the bullpen door swung open, the way it does in a plaza de toros when it is time for the matador to meet the bull.

They were excited by a pitcher they had never seen, not in the flesh, yet it seemed as if they believed that maybe they had seen his like before, in a different time under a different name.


Just a guess....but couldn't they have been cheering him because he had been pitching very well so far, and not because they had this mystical sense of him being the new Jeff Nelson?

They weren't cheering the man so much as they were cheering the concept, one that had carried the Yankees to four world championships in five years but of late has seemed as outdated and unattainable as 300 wins. They were cheering the concept of the seven-inning game.

Okay now you're pushing it. I think that most Yankees FANS are more sensible than you. They're giving a hometown ovation for a pitcher who has performed very well, not assuming they have a lights-out setup man after 3 games.

That was what those other Yankees teams were built on, the crushing reality that while they had 27 outs to complete their job, their opponents had only 21. Or, on some nights, 18.

First it was Mariano Rivera pitching two innings and handing off to John Wetteland. Then it was lefthander Mike Stanton and righthander Jeff Nelson clearing the path to Rivera.


This is such a bullshit exaggeration, with all due respect to Riviera being an awesome closer. The middle relief is NOT EVEN CLOSE to what those Yankees teams were built on.

2000 New York Yankees:

Jeff Nelson: 2.45 ERA, 1.27 WHIP (pretty decent, ERA probably lowered by Riviera stranding inherited runners)
Mike Stanton: 4.10 ERA, 1.35 WHIP (this is lights-out???)

1999 New York Yankees:

Mike Stanton: 4.33 ERA, 1.43 WHIP
Jeff Nelson: 4.15 ERA, 1.62 WHIP

1998 New York Yankees:

Mike Stanton: 5.47 ERA, 1.22 WHIP
Jeff Nelson: 3.79 ERA, 1.64 WHIP

I guess teams should have just fucking gave up against the Yankees once the 7th inning rolled around and they didn't have the lead, because those guys were just plain UNSTOPPABLE (Riviera was pretty damn good for Wetteland, though).

Now it was the kid's turn, a 21-year-old who grew up on an Indian reservation in Nebraska, raised by a divorced father confined to a wheelchair by polio, a kid whose weight sometimes rose higher than his ERA.

Weight rose higher than his ERA? Does that make any fucking sense at all, Wallace? Please, help me out here.

Now Joba Chamberlain - with a name pronounced like the name of a computer-generated sci-fi villain in a movie made two years before he was born

A Star Wars reference! Matthews is a closet nerd! This can't be a sports column. This is a blog.

was being asked to nurse more than a one-run lead over the Baltimore Orioles. He was being asked to nurse a pennant race, a race the Yankees had fought their way back into during the past month but could just as easily fall out of during the next.

No. He was being asked to nurse a one-run lead over the Baltimore Orioles. That's the kind of thing middle relievers do. The Yankees were playing amazing baseball before stumbling upon Joba the Hutt. Granted, he can help a great deal, as the Yankees' bullpen hasn't been good, but you're WAY overstating his importance.

This was what they have been waiting for around here, not another one-dimensional slugger or overpaid starter who goes five innings and calls it a week. Those Yankees teams of 10 years ago, the ones who brought baseball fans back to the Bronx and continue to do so to this day, were strong because they were strong in the middle. Middle relief, that is.

Yeah, get rid of fucking A-Rod, he isn't helping anything. He's a one-dimensional slugger. Mister One-Dimensional and his weak-sauce 12.3 WARP3 should high-tail it out of New York. And I just proved up above that the Yankees' championship teams were not that strong in the middle, save for 1996. Those teams were awesome because they outscored their opponents by a ton and Riviera is one of the best closers ever, NOT becuase middle relievers had WHIPs in the 1.20-1.70 range.

Those teams didn't need A-Rod or Giambi or Sheffield to win. They needed Nelson and Stanton and David Weathers and, of course, Rivera.

I really, REALLY don't want to look up the WARPs of these players to disprove that. You all can do it yourself to see just how stupid Wallace is. What I do want to call your attention to is the fact that Wallace Matthews JUST SUGGESTED THAT THE YANKEES NEEDED DAVID WEATHERS TO WIN.

First of all, David Weathers pitched exactly 17 1/3 innings for a Yankees' championship team (in 1996). He had a 9.35 ERA and a 2.14 WHIP. And David Weathers was a part of the reason they were winning games? Really? DAVID WEATHERS?!?!?!?!?!

Brian Cashman has made his share of mistakes in the past couple of seasons, but holding tight to Chamberlain - and Cabrera, for that matter - do not qualify. After all, had he given in to temptation as in years past, that bullpen door could have swung open last night and Eric Gagne could have waddled out.

Gagne was incredible for the Rangers this year. Despite his recent Red Sox struggles, I would definitely take him over some guy who's thrown 5 major league innings.

Instead, it was Joba Chamberlain, who brings more with him than a wicked fastball and a nasty slider.

He brings, too, the promise of a return to the formula that made Joe Torre's Yankees great: Nine innings for them. Seven innings for you.


That's the brilliant secret. THAT'S THE FORMULA FOR JOE TORRE WINNING THOSE CHAMPIONSHIPS. "Nine innings for them. Seven innings for you." Not only is that one of the dumbest sayings in the world, it completely ignores the fact that the Yankees consistently scored a lot of runs every year (10th, 5th, 3rd, and 10th in MLB in runs scored during championship seasons) and had David Cone turning in great season after great season, supported by some solid performances by El Duque, Pettite, David Wells, and Roger Clemens.

Hell no Wallace, I'm wrong. It was all Jeff Nelson and fucking Mike Stanton. The Yankees should trade the Red Sox A-Rod for Okajima straight up, immediately. The Red Sox are suckers and will bite. They have no idea that A-Rod isn't what championships are built on.

Honestly, lose your job already.

22 comments:

dan-bob said...

pnoles, I say this with sincerity -

I appreciate your enthusiasm, particularly the fact that you YELL AT LEAST ONCE in pretty much every paragraph.

lol @ david weathers....

Anonymous said...

Here's where I disagree. I'll take Chamberlain over Gagne any day, not just for what he can potentially do now but for the future. You can't throw your future away...we've seen that too often already.

"Gagne was incredible for the Rangers this year. Despite his recent Red Sox struggles, I would definitely take him over some guy who's thrown 5 major league innings."

Matt said...

Come on now..
You're taking shots at a writer while you're struggling (sweating and groaning, judging by what I've read) to translate even the smallest amount of humor, this blog's probable purpose (it's got to be the laughs, it definitely couldn't be the hard-hitting, investigative journalism)?
You do realize how many games are in the baseball season, right?
Try writing a story for every game, even every home game.
You'd be fresh, funny and entertaining for about a paragraph.
I mean, you can hardly make a BLOG funny and interesting, let alone a structured, fleshed-out story attempting to achieve purpose.
Cheap shots from the cheap seats.
Ever think about how fucking BORING your news stories/columns/THIS BLOG would be?
Mariano's WHIP is XXX, Jeter has an OBP of XXX in the last three games, and Mussina's ERA is XXX.
Great, you can write a BOX SCORE.
All of you statheads are exactly the same, you are the Harry Potters of baseball.
Sitting in the stands with calculators, the number nerds.
I think any writer that you criticize thinks along the same lines as an athlete being heckled by a dumbass in the stands:
You can scream at Bobby Abreu all you want, make fun of his big fucking head and his declining homerun rate, but he doesn't give a shit.
You're a fan. You don't know how to play baseball, couldn't ever play baseball, and he doesn't really care if you have an opinion, because you don't matter.
Tying this all together then, in the mind of the sports writer- you're a blogger. You don't know shit about writing, and you obviously can’t do it.
But don't worry, I'm sure Jay is shaking in his shit. :P

John said...

Funny you should mention overreacting to kevin mench's streak pat...

eriz said...

Here's where I disagree. I'll take Chamberlain over Gagne any day, not just for what he can potentially do now but for the future. You can't throw your future away...we've seen that too often already.

Gagne is still 31 years old. Not young by any means, but he's certainly got a lot of years left in him. To say you would rather have Chamberlain on your team is beyond idiotic. Gagne has been one of the most dominant relievers for the past 6 seasons, and Chamberlain is simply unproven. Boston isn't looking 10 years down the line, they are looking to win some world series in the next few years.

Chris W said...

yeah chamberlain is nice to have

but it's not like there was a proposed trade chamberlain for gagne.
...

Chris W said...

ps-- that was a pretty long comment post matt.

got everything off your chest?

larry b said...

matt, don't hate, appreciate! i went and looked at the post you made on your class blog... good stuff.

In order to be honest I’d have to admit right away that I didn’t have very high expectations for the class trip to the Deptford Barnes and Noble. I couldn’t have been more wrong though.

great intro- it really drew me into the piece. i didn't see that twist coming, either. zowie! so you ENJOYED it? do tell how.

I thought that both presentations were very interesting and insightful in their own rights. I especially enjoyed the content of Jonathan Mayberry’s lecture. As a prospective writer (I’m interested in sports journalism which is like novel writing on a much, much smaller scale)

that's cute that you want to be a sports journalist, but as we in the blogging business say, don't give up your day job! or in your case, since you're still in school, be sure to get a different day job once you graduate, because there's no way you will ever achieve your dream.

I definitely was intrigued by this drastically different, insider’s perspective of the writing industry, especially coming from an author with a laundry list of works and many years of experience. I also was fascinated when Mr. Mayberry told us about the arduous, kicking and screaming process behind the scenes of getting a book to the shelves.

again, a process you will never ever see from the inside. have you considered grad school? or a job in sales? i hear those are all the rage.

I was shocked by some of the quirks and eccentricities of the business, like how editors and publishers are most often responsible for picking the title of a book, or how the end cap position in the book store is purchased by the publisher with the aim to boost book sales.

shocking indeed! great word choice. i myself am flabbergasted.

The point about being able to revise work on an editor’s whim was one that hit home for me. When I become invested in something I’m writing I find it incredibly difficult to have to make changes, so I can’t even imagine having to rewrite an entire plot line or ending like Mr. Mayberry talked about.

well i hope you were heavily invested in your previous comment, because it's about the closest you're going to come to getting something published or having to worry about a nasty mean ol' editor.

thanks for reading! i hope you become the next skip bayless and teach all of us here at fjm a lesson about good journalism.

Chris W said...

be nice lar

Chris Hart said...

Hey pnoles, we both know the reason for the Yanks winning those championships had nothing to do with good pitching (though I looked up David Cone's stats.. pret-tay, pret-tay good). They won because of the grit guys like Scott Brosius and Charlie Hayes. TRUE YANKEES.

Matt said...

Ha ha, nice one dude. You found blog posts that were done for a GRADED college class and decided to make fun of them? Come on dude, my feelings are hurt?
It's all true though, I was trying to be very cutting edge for my teacher. Who was asking for a summary of a class trip. And was giving me a grade.
Funny stuff though. DO YOU WRITE HERE? You must blog too..

Matt said...

Another note: Bloggers are sensitive?
I mean, right after posting some criticism, I get some web-surfing wordsmith shouting at me and digging up work that was done for a class? Ha ha.. Kind of touchy at home, behind your laptop.. Where you thrash PROFESSIONAL writers and solve equations to figure out who to draft for your fantasy league? Come on now, this is a blog, with opinion.. You can criticize real writers but can't handle a college kid? Why don't you freak out on me and find some more of my homework assignments to pick on.. :P

Chris W said...

this bores me

what exactly are you trying to prove matt?

eriz said...

pWned n00bzi77a

larry b said...

matt- first question, why did you feel the need to point out how your college class was GRADED? i'm not following you there. please clarify. is that supposed to make your tougher or something?

sweet joke about using a computer to figure out a fantasy draft. you forgot to throw something in there about me living in my parents' basement though. don't leave that out next time; it's key.

also- if i had access to other homework/assignments done by you, i would definitely trash them too. but that was the only one on your class's blog. by the way, what GRADE did you receive for it? i'm curious.

in conclusion, face it, you just got posterized. it's time to move on and deal with it. that french guy vince carter famous dunked over in the olympics has a really nice life right now in spite of his embarassment from that incident. that could be you if you would just shut your mouth.

thanks for reading!

Anonymous said...

Exactly. It's not like it would have been straight up, either. What did the Red Sox trade, three prospects and send over some money? Just not something I'd like to see the Yankees do, that's all. Not the worst scenario, just not the best in my opinion.

"yeah chamberlain is nice to have

but it's not like there was a proposed trade chamberlain for gagne.
... "

Matt said...

Ok, honestly, having way too much fun at your expense, this should stop.
You're a blogger, and you take that very damn seriously, which is cute.
I'm sure you talk all badass and really riff to your teachers.. They must have appreciated your biting, textual wit and use of clever anecdotes!
So, I rip on your shitty post and you rip on my.. homework? I'd totally say we're even..
In the meanwhile, keep writing your opinion. Maybe one day more than a 100 people at a time will read it! That's going to be an exciting feeling.
You got me though dude. My homework really, really sucks.
To conclude: shut the fuck up, you know you play fantasy baseball, you know your trade deadline just passed and you should have dumped Vernon Wells, and I'll see you in our Premium Yahoo Fantasy Football League, you number nerd-

eriz said...

I wish I knew, how to construct sentences as well, as matt, who as you know is a journalism major. He really, has a wonderful easy to read prose, which is cute.

Chris W said...

seriously, matt, we really don't take this too seriously.

this site existed before anyone but ourselves read it, and it continues to exist.

since obviously you dislike it so much, i'd suggest you simply avoid it--

believe me: avoiding this site is a pretty easy thing to do.

pnoles said...

Anonymous - Thanks for pointing out a flaw in what I said. Long-term, you're right, Chamberlain is probably the better option. What I meant was that this year, here and now, if there was some way for the Yankees to get Gagne at the expense of Chamberlain and instantly and automatically get him back before next season, that they should do it. I'd bet on Gagne to be the better pitcher for the next 2-3 months.

matt - To echo the things the other posters have said, we don't take this seriously, and this is not any serious campaign to get Jay Mariotti or any other media dumbass fired (though none of us would mind it). Next time, read the caption under the title of the blog. We're venting frustration, and we're doing it because we think it's fun, not because we want to show the world that we're funny or something like that.

Specific to this post, you must not have read it at all, except glanced over it and saw that I used numbers. My problem with what Wallace Matthews wrote was not that it wasn't funny or entertaining, it was that it was just plain wrong. He could have at least looked up whether the Yankees middle relievers of circa 10 years ago were even good before writing an entire article dedicated to how awesome they were.

If you don't like what you see here, don't read. We don't care.

John said...

I have to agree with matt; i mean joe torre is WILLING this Yankee team to victory, and with the feel good story of the Yankees potential to rally around the death of Rizzuto, there is no way they can lose. Plus, late in the season, when Derek Jeter steps in the batter's box, the other team just gives up, because they know that he is a grinder, a gamer, and a TRUE Yankee. All opponents are powerless to stop him!

John said...

oh yeah, and matt, why don't you post an article written by you that you would consider good?