bill simmons (shockingly!) is in the middle of a writing a pretty decent column- how will he screw it up?

we'll do this like a quiz. first go here and read all the way up until the part very close to the bottom that says "Rosie on FNL". go ahead, i give everything in the article up to that point my non-sarcastic seal of mild approval. it's a pretty good (if hyperbolic, but come on, this is simmons we're talking about here) article. but once you get there, stop! no peeking. there are 2 paragraphs left. how will simmons snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and turn this column into the kind of crap we're used to seeing from him?

a) by telling a story about j-bug, hench, the sports gal, and his daughter
b) by needlessly referencing the celtics
c) by needlessly referencing the patriots
d) by talking about "the karate kid" for some reason
e) by talking about the red sox/yankees, which would be acceptable since this is a "summer" article and all, but by doing so in such a douche-y and snively way as to ruin the point


think about it....



ok, did you guess? let's take a look-






Will things turn around? All I know is this: Back in '81 and '94, video games helped save me. Now Madden 2008 is saving me. After wrangling an advance PS3 copy last weekend, for the first time ever I didn't have to make shady trades to improve the Patriots offense; their roster was so loaded I just cued up Franchise mode, skipped through exhibition season and started things off with the Jets in Week 1.

For the first play, I had Brady wing a play-action bomb to Randy Moss, who hauled it in 50 yards downfield and zoomed down the sideline for six. Watching fake Moss celebrate with his fake Pats teammates, I found myself hoping the same play would work during the season. And when you think about it, that's what the summer should be about: hope.

what a giant turd of a conclusion. we get it, bill. you like the patriots. smooth segue there from talking about how great they're allegedly going to be (at this point, a completely cliched topic; has been since early june) to giving a pathetically generic overarching point that's supposed to somehow wrap up the article. so the answer was c. although, give me some credit, weren't all 5 of the options i gave you totally plausible? i bet hench is pissed he didn't make it into this article.