no! you can't... how... nooooooo!

doesn't cbssportsline.com's scott miller understand that a-rod is the most unclutchiest unclutcher of all time? apparently not, because otherwise he wouldn't have written this monstrosity of an article. no one else comes close. two other very well paid guys with very similar postseason stats can't even compare. why not? because they didn't single handedly end the yankees' postseason chances, that's why. vlad guerrero and alfonso soriano play for the angels and cubs, respectively. therefore they're not chokers like choke-rod. only choke-rod is a postseason failure. no one else. i mean, let's be fair to soriano and vlad- they've both been under tremendous pressure to produce in the postseason. cut them a little bit of slack already! i think they've earned it. rodriguez? wah wah wah. cry me a river. i'll tell you what- i'll get in touch with you next april if and when i need a walk off grand slam. until then, just try to enjoy your piles and piles of money that you didn't earn. if only you had hit a HR in every at bat you had against the indians, as you're being paid to do, new york would be moving on to the ALCS. instead you decided to blow it because you're lazy and useless and horrible. and for that you should be shot. enjoy the canadian baseball league, fake-rod, because no MLB owner in his right is going to sign you when you opt out of your yankee contract! good riddance.

(note to anyone who might be new to this blog: i'm being sarcastic, miller's article is actually really good. go read it.)