Thursday, October 11, 2007

here's why people hate new yorkers...

Tony Kornheiser sucks. We all know it. So why am I going to write anything about him? Because he's terrible at his easy and awesome job, and he doesn't care that he sucks.

On PTI today, they were talking about the NLCS. Michael Wilbon, who sucks considerably less than Kornheiser, accuses Tony of not being able to name a handful of Rockies or Diamondback players. (of course the only two names Wilbon pulls out is Brandon Webb and Livan Hernandez who "has some bling from Florida")

Tony : "All I know... All I know... is that Matt Holliday still hasn't touched home plate. In all seriousness it's hard to bet against a team that has won 17 of their last 18 games."

That's all he had to say on the matter.

That's right. Kornheiser, who is paid what must be a fairly generous salary for COMMENTING AND "ANALYZING" SPORTS, cannot be bothered to know a single fucking thing about the two teams about to play for the world series.

Instead he makes a joke about a questionable call (that made up one possible out of a 163 game season) from a few weeks ago, and mentions that the Rockies are hot. Let's put this in perspective: I have a job. I work ~48 hours per week, in a job that's not analyzing sports. Yet I could probably name five times more MLB players than Kornheiser; and I could tell you a little about their abilities.

It's an embarrassment for ESPN, and for Kornheiser himself, who freely admits he doesn't care about non marquee teams in big cities. Get your stupid old coot ass on the computer and at least look at some stat sheets: i don't care if it's just batting averages, ERAs and RBIs. DO SOMETHING THAT JUSTIFIES YOUR EXISTENCE. Say something, anything, besides talk from your ass every single time you're on.

I freely admit to hating "around the horn," but at least they get columnists from around the country to talk. I don't need an idiotic old fart new yorker yabbing on about the SAWKS and METS and KOBE BRYYYANT 365 days a year. Wilbon at least tries sometimes, but jesus, how can anybody in their right mind like or respect Kornheiser?

Also, I'm jealous of his job.

EDIT: Using wikipedia, I found these fun facts about Tony:

He did not write columns between April 26, 2006 and August 7, 2006 to prepare as an analyst of ESPN's Monday Night Football.

"T.O. is a Locker room cancer" jokes don't write themselves!

Kornheiser reportedly earns $1.8 million for being a Monday Night Football announcer and $900,000 for co-hosting PTI.

Kornheiser has mentioned several times that he doesn't frequently make use of the Internet or computers, and that he has never viewed his own Wikipedia entry.


Anonymous said...

Why the irrational hatred of New York? Just because Tony grew up on the Island?

I always find the jealousy other cities have for NYC to be very funny.

eriz said...

hahahahahaha... you couldn't have proved my point more.

Anonymous said...

extra bonus "here's why people hate Bill Simmons" edition.

from his latest mailbag:

'Anyway, a friend of mine who works in the sports world got me thinking about this on Monday when he e-mailed just to say, "Colorado versus Arizona might be the least watched LCS in baseball history. Who the hell cares about either team? I'm convinced that sports is all about history. If there's history, it's interesting. If not, who cares? People need the emotional attachment that comes from a lifetime of cheering for the same team -- and especially when their parents rooted for the same franchise."'

I'm expecting one of you guys to shred on this.

larry b said...

Anonymous, I'm way ahead of you. Enjoy and please let me know how I did.

pnoles said...

I was watching PTI today when that happened, and I couldn't have been more confused.

Also relevant: Tony Gwynn, during that same episode of PTI, was listing 3 players he thought would have an impact on the series. Here's how he stated his last one (quote not exact, but close)

Now this last one might suprise you guys, but

Who, Tony? Augie Ojeda? Doug Davis? Conor Jackson?

Troy Tulowitzki.

Really Mr. Gwynn? The almost-certain fucking Rookie of the Year? Shocking! I'm suprised....

Of all the players in this series, I think Matt Holliday and Brandon Webb are the most talked-about. Troy Tulowitzki pretty much has to be 3rd (unless I missed people babbling on about Chris Young or Eric Byrnes). And this is supposed to suprise me?

I almost think the media SHOULD only cover the Red Sox and Yankees. That way at least they wouldn't be exposed as knowing less than avid fans.

Larry said...

Are you just figuring out that most sports writers (specifically the ESPN yell at each other in front of a camera variety) don't know jack about sports?

Anonymous said...

All the reasons you hate Tony are the reasons why I watch PTI. I watch him and it gives me hope that one day I could have my very own show on ESPN.

Anonymous said...

Kornheiser is a miserable drag on Monday Night Football - hell, maybe ESPN is trying to kill the thing altogether. If cornholio comes back for another year, I'm just going to turn the damn thing off!