scoop jackson sits down, writes from his stream of consciousness for about 30 minutes, doesnt edit, then submits

at least im guessing thats how ol' scoop comes up with his articles. its really the only logical explanation given how much he wanders, flip flops, and arbitrarily changes subtopics.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/070516&sportCat=mlb

Who framed Roger Clemens? Not us

interesting. what do you suppose the theme will be here? that its clemens' own fault most people dont like him at this point? that contrary to the assertions of some, there really hasnt been much of an anti-clemens smear campaign by the media the last few years? "us" refers to the media, right? im curious. before we get going, i think its important to acknowledge that any mildly serious baseball fan whos not a yankee fan probably hates clemens anywhere from mildly to passionately. at the very least, im confident that pretty much no one thinks hes a really good guy who's just misunderstood or something. note that in using "who framed..." as his reference point, hes already tacitly admitting this. stick around and see how dumb he subsequently makes himself look.

I waited all week for it -- for something, anything, to happen.
Nothing.

if youre referring to the fact that espn didnt fire you, im right there with you.

Roger Clemens -- the most selfish man in sports? I watched, I listened, I read, waiting for someone -- anyone -- to say something; to break down how selfish Roger Clemens really is to continue to treat the game this way. The game of baseball, the one America holds so dearly to its heart. Instead, nothing. The only point of national contention seems to be a "freedom clause" in his contract that allows him to go home on off days.

my personal opinion on clemens, just to get it off my chest, is that hes obviously a detestable player for doing what he does. it was especially low-class to call his 2006 season with the astros "a waste of time" because they didnt make the playoffs. hey asshat, maybe if you showed up to camp on time and played a full season they would have had a better record, you think? but all that said (because i know im not exactly breaking new ground with that opinion) i dont think his actions were given a free pass by the media. i googled "roger clemens jerk" and got a large selection of anti-clemens pieces, including some from aol fanhouse and si.com, both legitimate "mainstream" sports sites. jackson's own espn.com page 2 coworker bill simmons wrote a pretty nasty little piece about clemens two sundays ago. and the blogosphere was all over the rocket, with way too many great anti-clemens rants to count. sure, people also made a big deal about the not being around for all the road games contract clause, but i think he was also pretty generally reviled. even as a clemens hater, i didnt find much to complain about. you also have to admit hes an all-time great, so from the media's standpoint hes not exactly a perfect villain (like rae carruth, john rocker, lawrence phillips, etc.). overall i thought the media did an ok job of reporting on the incident.

The media -- the people who are supposed to be the voices of reason, the protectors of the sanctity of sports --

are you kidding me? what year is this? welcome to 2007, scoop, where thanks to media conglomerates like YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER this is the exact opposite of what the media is supposed to be! as far as i can tell from the massive amount of sports media i consume on a daily basis, everyone (with a few exceptions) currently getting ahead in this field is doing so by being as outrageous, bombastic, and unreasonable as possible. you dont become a successful member of todays sports media by being a "voice of reason". if that were truly the case, this blog wouldnt exist. rather, you get ahead by saying something, anything, that will get a rise out of people and shock them. it seems very few people want cool headed, calm, rational analysis. they want outlandish bullshit. espn has recently been caught with its pants down when some of their personalities (including fjm favorite john kruk) have admitted that network execs told them to make "crazy" predictions rather than safe ones. why would the suits do this? clearly, studies have shown that crazy predictions improve ratings. welcome to the age of the idiot. my only hope for scoop's sake is that hes writing from the past and being published posthumously like a twisted version of that movie "frequency" or whatever. thats the only way he could possibly justify calling the sports media "a voice of reason".

sorry scoop, i interrupted you mid-sentence. you were talking about the media, who you claim is a protectorate of dignity and reason... go on?

collectively have acted as if Roger Clemens' signing with the Yankees was about Roger Clemens' signing with the Yankees.

tragically unclever.

The media is failing to recognize this is about how one man not only has put an "I" in team, but put a "me" in MLB and "myself" in professional sports.

even less clever. scoop jackson really puts that "atrocious" in sportswriting. also, as weve discussed, this is not true.

Roger Clemens is without question the most selfish athlete of our time. Either that, or he's the most celebrated pimp in professional sports.

just kind of weird. how is clemens a pimp now? jackson never really explains this and i am too frustrated to try to analyze it. suffice it to say that in this context, its not a compliment. "selfish" is certainly an insult as well. so why does scoop then go on to say this:

Now, I like Roger Clemens, a lot. Always have. I'll root for him whenever he's on the mound, as long as he's not facing Pedro Martinez. I respect his "gangster." It's not him I have the issue with.

huh... kind of seemed like you had an issue with him a second ago... im lost. i wonder if scoop remembers what this article was supposed to be about when he started it. he should have just titled the piece "my general ramblings on roger clemens." youll see. its about to get worse.

If he can continue getting away with what he's doing, more power to him. Play the game, don't ever let it play you. Ball Player Rule No. 4080.

i doubt there is a ball player rulebook, and if there was one, i very much doubt it would have over 4,000 entries. if ive learned anything from chad johnson over the years, that book would only have 3:

1) make plays

2) get money

3) it dont stop

and 3) isnt even really a rule, its more of a conclusion. anyways, heres where scoop forgets what the hell was just talking about.

My issue is with us, the media. We tell ourselves and the public that we'll be objective and fair, and provide balanced coverage, and set the proper agenda for what should be topics of national discussion.

i guess the real problem here must be that scoop doesnt read enough sports media. youd think hed find time to do so inbetween being awful at writing, but i guess not. i mean, im beating a dead horse a bit at this point. i dont have much else to say about this that i didnt already cover in that one really long paragraph. and i think a very important point (aside from the fact that scoop is just plain wrong) is, again, clemens is not that great of a villain. he just loves attention and money. not exactly on the level of "bad person-ness" attained by many of todays big name sports stories.

So when AI misses practice, we tell you about it. When Floyd Landis says it was Jack Daniel's and not synthetic testosterone in his system, we tell you about it. When a player holds out … when a player is in a contract dispute … when a player is under suspicion of illegal drug use … when a player re-retires five times … when a player isn't doing what's in the best interest of his team or his sport, we are on the front line to get you past the PR spin and the player's BS. This is what we do. This is our job.

sort of. usually, kind of, sometimes you succeed at this. and i hate to sound like a broken record, but im going to disagree with you scoop- youve pretty much done it again this time!

one last angle to consider is that clemens' arrival affects the landscape of baseball in its most media-friendly division, which is a pretty big deal. clemens is an d-bag, but hes about to (theoretically) make an impact on a very popular baseball team in the country's biggest media market. its not like the fact that hes an egotistical jerk is the only facet of this situation.

ive cut out a bunch of stuff in the middle of the argument because it was just scoop rambling on and on about the same stuff hes already rambled about for a while. but i dare you, go research this stuff yourself (if its too far in the past already for you to remember it). maybe it wasnt a barbaro level story, but plenty of people in both the mainstream and underground media ripped on clemens for being self centered and greedy. this happened. the evidence is right there on the internet, and probably in print format too if youre so crotchety and old that you still read newspapers.

But like Dave Chappelle's old skit, "When Keepin' It Real Goes Wrong," this latest situation should be dubbed "When The Benefit Of The Doubt Goes Too Far: The Roger Clemens Edition."

now im back to just mocking how crappy scoop is at writing. how awkward is this reference? i think scoop was hoping bringing up someone in the media whos universally adored would make himself look better.

All I'm saying is, sometimes in life we have to call a spade a spade, a crook a crook, a con artist a con artist, a selfish SOB a selfish SOB, a great pitcher a great pitcher … a pimp a pimp. And I feel it's my duty to say what needs to be said about the great Roger Clemens:

So what he's been pitching for 23 years?
So what he has rings, Cy Youngs and 348 wins?
So what the last time he pitched his ERA was 2.30?
So what he has more than 4,000 strikeouts?
SO WHAT?

He's a self-absorbed, beyond-arrogant, bigger-than-the-game, I-have-no-respect-or-honor-for-the-concept-of-team, I-only-pitch-when-I-feel-like-it, any-team-should-feel-blessed-to-have-me, Randy-Johnson-will-never-be-on-my-level, the-world-revolves-around-me, kiss-the-ground-I walk-on, worship-who-I-am-because-I-am-the-me-myself-and-

I-in-MLB pimp.

i am having so much trouble reconciling this with that part where scoop talked about how much he likes clemens. my head hurts.

But again, my problem is not with Roger, it's with us. The media cowards. Because all of us, for too long now, have looked past all of this and validated what I've said my whole life: "Pimpin' ain't easy, the media is just scared."

there's bizarre pimping reference #3. what is going on? and are you sure you have no problem with roger, scoop? go look at that stuff you just wrote about him. arent we calling a spade a spade here? and are you sure the media is scared? by my experience theyre scared about just about nothing as long as its bombastic and controversial- ripping apart a multiple cy young winner seems to fit that description. and- oh yeah- it happened! cant we also make a case that scoop himself is part of the problem here for not blaming roger (even though he really does blame roger, but i dont want to get into that again)? wouldnt it be better to lead by example than point fingers? especially when the finger pointing is being done in error?

im so confused- my analysis really fell apart near the end there, it just turned into a series of rhetorical questions. but thats what happens when you try to dissect a scoop jackson article. its just a complete and total descent into madness.

see, the thing is, my problem with this article isnt actually with scoop...