HATGUY!!!!!

Finally, a Mike Celizic post will hit the young, fresh, fjm. Finally, pnoles is deciding to man up and post something of non-Mariotti significance. Here we go friends, it's two Fire Jay Mariotti firsts, all in one fun-filled post!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18773667/#storyContinued

Yankees must go drastic to save season

Oh boy....HatGuy must go drastic to save article.

I don’t know if the New York Yankees are dead. With three quarters of the season yet to play, anything can happen. But I do know this much: Unless they do something drastic, this will go down as the year the dynasty died.

Alternatively, they could refocus themselves, have their players work hard and improve back to their projections, get their pitchers healthy, and expect the Red Sox to cool off a little bit. Anyone believe that Schilling, Beckett, and especially Wakefield are this good? Mike Lowell gonna slug .560 all season? Kevin Youkilis normally a .320 EqA kinda guy?

I’m talking fire-the-manager or fire-the-general-manager drastic. Or fire them both and throw the hitting coach overboard, too. Trade a major star.

Oh. Ok. Firing the mannager. The guy who fills out the lineup cards and is in very little way responsible for the performance of his hitters or pitchers. Fire that guy. Fire the general manager....for what exactly? Oh yeah...and in order to help make the playoffs THIS YEAR, the Yankees are supposed to TRADE AWAY A MAJOR STAR?

Dig up Billy Martin and prop him up in the corner of the dugout. Stick pins in voodoo dolls dressed in Red Sox gear.

Hire Scott Brosius to channel the spirits of the great Yankee teams of old! Lock David Ortiz in another dimension! Eat Lucky Charms for breakfast!

The problem isn’t lack of talent but lack of killer instinct, and that’s the real shocker here. On WFAN radio in New York last week, Tino Martinez, one of the most competitive players on the team that won four championships in five years, said that as far as he can see, only two or three players are playing hard every day.

I'm not going to go into how little "killer instinct" has to do with anything. What I am going to comment on is that people are on the Yankees for not giving it 100% all the time, so in what way is that a shocker?

OK nevermind, I will go into it. Killer instinct has about as much to do with the Yankees' problems as you have to do with logic and reason.

I'd really like to know which players Tino Martinez doesn't think are trying.....Celizic has his own ideas in that department.....

Derek Jeter is the captain, but he leads by example.

So....when Jeter tries, other people try? Jeter is trying, so other people must be trying too! YOU LOSE!

No one will listen to Alex Rodriguez, even if he were the type to get on people.

You know this...how?

Johnny Damon is hurting all over, slumping badly and was benched twice last week for lack of performance.

Well I guarantee the Cardinals still see Eckstein as a leader.....

Jason Giambi is dealing with fall-out from his steroid issues.

Meh. I've got nothin.

Hideki Matsui doesn’t speak English that well.

Sorry Ozzie Guillen, but Mike Celizic has removed you from White Sox leadership status.

Robinson Cano is a kid.

Young players can never be leaders. Eat it, Miguel Cabrera.

Bobby Abreu seems to have forgotten how to play the game.

Bobby Abreu: ::Slaps line drive into short center field and starts running::
Joe Torre: DAMMIT BOBBY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING???
Bobby Abreu: Durrr...Coachie always told me to run tawourds Alex Gordon if I hit the baseball.
Joe Torre: NOT ALEX GORDON! RYAN SHEALY DAMMIT! RYAN SHEALY!!!!!!
Bobby Abreu: Huh? ::scratches head:: Bobby need nap now....

This isn’t a slump. This is a crisis. And the arrival of Roger Clemens in another two weeks — or less —

isn’t going to change it. Clemens is a great competitor who will get on his teammates, but a pitcher who takes the mound once every five games isn’t going to be the difference.

Billy Beane: Terry? It's Billy. I've got a trade offer for ya.
Terry Ryan: (munching on some Teddy Grahams) Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?
Beane: I'm offering to give you Mark Ellis. All I want in return is...is....Johan Santana.
Ryan: ::pukes Teddy Grahams:: You've gone batty, Billy! Santana's the best pitcher in the majors!
Beane: I don't know how much baseball you watch there, Terry, but Santana only plays once every five games.
Ryan: Huh. Ya don't say. Go on, salesman.
Beane: You see, Johan just can't be a difference maker, no matter how well he pitches. He can't play every day like my guy, Ellis.
Ryan: Wow, I guess you're right. Hey, should I be sending you some cash as well?
Beane: Nah, don't mention it. Neither of us really has that.

What the Yankees have managed to do — or fail to do —

this year is nothing short of extraordinary. They are, as everyone knows, the most expensive team in American team sports. They have an All Star at virtually every position.

(For the purposes of the following paragraph, I am referring to expected/projected performances, and not what has happened so far this year, to be consistent with Celizic)

Right. Can't do much better than Doug Mientkiewicz at first base, the best hitting position on the field. Ooh yeah, and Kyle Farnsworth and Scott Proctor are wicked awesome setup men. Jeter and Rodriguez, and probably Wang are All-stars. Cano is an all-star because in the AL, it's basically him and Kinsler. Posada, ditto....it's weak besides Mauer and Martinez. The rest of the team is chalk-full of almost-ies that sometimes get into the All-Star game simply by merit of playing in New York. So no, Celizic, the one team you know things about isn't as wicked sweet as you claim.

A-Rod, after a torrid start, has dipped to under .315.

If it weren’t for Jeter and catcher Jorge Posada, both of whom are tearing it up, the Yankees would have virtually no offense at all.

Posada is insane right now. He's EqA-ing himself a lovely .353. And Jeter's at .319. But despite your slamming of A-Rod for lowering his batting average, king of all stats, his EqA is a monstrous .343. He has contributed a TON of offense to the Yankees, and you're gonna say he sucks because his BATTING AVERAGE has just dipped a tad below .315? He's a career .306 hitter! Most of the time his batting average SHOULD be below .315.

This is looking like the year the run of playoff appearances ends. The wild card is pretty much a dead issue, especially with Cleveland and Detroit both on pace to win more than 100 games. If the Yankees want to get in the playoffs, they are going to have to figure out a way to overtake Boston, the team with the best record in the game, a team that scores approximately two more runs per game than it gives up.

I'm not gonna claim I think New York has a great shot at the Wild Card. But mark my words--there's NO WAY that Cleveland AND Detroit win 100 games. Let's follow his logic here, shall we?

1) Cleveland and Detroit are on pace to win over 100 games, and one of those teams will likely win the wild card.
2) Boston has the best record in the game, and therefore, is on pace to win more games than Cleveland and Detroit.
3) Conclusion: The Yankees have to overtake Boston to make the playoffs, because they have no hope of beating out a team on pace to win less games than Boston.

The reason we celebrate teams that overcome huge deficits is because it so rarely happens. What usually happens to teams that are 10 or 11 games out late in May is that they finish out of the money.

On May 21st, 2005. The Houston Astros were 12 games back of the St. Louis Cardinals. They went to the World Series.

On May 21st, 2006. The Minnesota Twins were 10.5 games back of the Detroit Tigers. They went on to win the division.

I'm not gonna keep looking back at past examples just to see how wrong you are, Celizic. I'm convinced that you don't follow any team besides the Yankees, and this is why you didn't know those things happened.

I JUST CANT STOP LAUGHING at how 8 weeks ago, you said the Milwaukee Brewers had no chance at the playoffs this year.