Dear MLB Teams: Can I Be a GM?

Don't you just love these potential-trade articles? It's got to be the easiest article for a sportswriter to shit out: identify needs on teams and then identify players who could potentially be obtained to fill these needs. Only problem is, this isn't Playstation and teams don't just GET the players they would like to have because a trade "seems to make sense" to the person conceiving it. An interesting exercise would be to remember the trades these prognosticators put forth and to see by season's end how many have taken place.

Here Jon Heyman proposes seven trades under the guise of "trades that need to happen." This might be translated as "if GM's knew what they were doing these trades would happen." Bullshit, Jon Heyman. I'm guessing he's going to be right about ZERO out of seven, and that will be because these trades are asinine, not because GM's don't know what they're doing (except in the case of Jim Bowden, but that's incidental).

1. Scott Rolen to the Dodgers
Los Angeles is desperately seeking additional power, and Rolen fits the bill. Ned Colletti, one of the game's more aggressive GMs, has looked just about everywhere for power, which is the glaring weakness on an otherwise well-balanced team. Colletti recently said he wasn't going after Blue Jays third baseman Troy Glaus. But he hasn't denied interest in Rolen.

The Cardinals have not yet signaled they're ready to throw in the towel, but if things continue to go south, it would make sense to trade Rolen, who has an uneasy relationship with manager Tony La Russa and would have some market value despite his awful start (.215). (Rolen has three years and $36 million remaining on his contract after this season.) The Dodgers have prospects to trade, including a third baseman, Andy LaRoche, plus young pitchers.

Let me say that I really love in these prospective trades how specific and general these hypothetical trades are about the terms of the agreement. Ok, so we have Rolen for LaRoche plus.....young pitchers? You mean prospects or bullpen arms? Do you mean 2 or 3 or 4? I mean, I suppose if the Dodgers offered Andy LaRoche and 3 MLB ready arms, St. Louis would really have to make this deal. But realistically, for a non-world series team like LA to give up an every day player and more than one strong arm for an aging veteran hitting .209 who's locked up for 90 million dollars until he's 40?....Why on earth would LA make that deal? And why on earth would St. Louis take anything less than two "young pitchers"?

Likelihood of happening? 10%

2. Garrett Atkins and Todd Helton to the Angels
Owner Arte Moreno is still itching to do something "major'' and this would qualify, especially with Helton recapturing his swing early this year (.360 batting average, .472 on-base percentage). Reports indicate the Angels have inquired about Atkins, who isn't as untouchable as one might think. The Rockies' top minor-league prospect is third baseman Ian Stewart.

Rockies people always liked the idea of dealing with the Angels regarding Helton because LA of A has plenty of prospects. The Rockies would have to offset the $87 million remaining on Helton's contract by about $35 million or so, but they'd be happy to consider Casey Kotchman, Erick Aybar, Mike Mathis or any number of Angels prospects in exchange. Helton has a no-trade clause, but the chance to win in Anaheim is probably enough to entice him to waive his veto powers, as he did when Boston showed interest this winter.

I'll have to defer to Larry, our resident Rockies expert, on this one, but Helton and Atkins in one trade? For a package combination of not-yets(Mathis, Aybar) and failed prospects(Kotchman)? And the Rockies are going to throw in 35 million? Franchise players aren't just dealt, with cash and young talent, for nothing Heyman. But anyway, I'll put this one in the shrug category.

Likelihood of happening? Ask Larry

3. Chad Cordero to the Indians
Cleveland looks like it has a decent shot at a playoff spot, even from the ultra-tough AL Central. But to get there, they'll need a closer better than Joe Borowski, who's toting an 8.44 ERA (though he does have 13 saves in 15 tries). The Indians revamped their bullpen this winter, but other AL contenders have much more established and dominating ninth-inning men (i.e. Francisco Rodriguez, Jonathan Papelbon, Mariano Rivera, Joe Nathan and even Bobby Jenks). Cordero has a lot of guts, but there's some concern as to whether his stuff would be short in the AL. It doesn't help that he's off to a slow start, with only five saves in nine opportunities. Nationals GM Jim Bowden likely will ask for the moon, anyway, so Cleveland may have to look elsewhere. But it does need to look somewhere.

It is true that the Nationals are essentially the scrap heap of baseball, but remember how big a dick Bowden was about Soriano? It seems Heyman does too, so why bring this up? The Indians's farm system is not as stacked as it once was, and they're in win-now mode, so they won't be trading ready talent.

Likelihood of happening? .0001%

4. Ken Griffey Jr. to the White Sox
Griffey didn't shown any willingness to go to New York when the opportunity materialized. But maybe Chicago's more to his liking. It's a nice city with a nice team that still should have a chance, something that has eluded the Reds regularly. It's finally time to thrown in the towel on the great Griffey trade to his hometown team, an annual albatross for the also-running Reds.

The White Sox have been hurt by the injury to Jim Thome and could use the left-handed power Griffey provides. Griffey (eight homers, 26 RBIs, .297) is having a fine year. But he'd be much better off having the DH option, which could limit his own well-known propensity for pain.

Nope. How many times has Kenny Williams tried to make this trade happen? How many times has he tried to make it happen from a position of advantage? Now the White Sox come to the situation with a gaping need at CF and Heyman thinks they're going to get a guy who Cincy has flat out refused to deal 3 times in the past 3 years? Sure...Who do you suppose the White Sox intend to offer? Would the Reds take Brian Anderson and a bullpen arm? No way. Would the White Sox be willing to part with Ryan Sweeney, Josh Fields, Gio Gonzalez, or John Danks? Don't hold your breath.

This trade will not happen.

Likelihood of Happening? negative 98%

5. Troy Glaus to the Tigers
Helton would also be a natural fit for Detroit, which isn't getting much from first base, where the beloved Sean Casey (winner of SI's poll for Friendliest Player) has struggled. Helton might be a better fit as a left-handed hitter and natural first baseman, but Glaus (eight homers, 21 RBIs, .307) would help, as well.

This is where it starts getting funny. Hey Tigers! Want Troy Glaus? Cool! I bet you could get him! Or maybe Helton? Yeah him too!

Likelihood of happening? Gee, I don't know. I hadn't really considered who the Tigers would give up for him. Apparently, neither has Heyman. 4%

6. Al Reyes to the Brewers
Milwaukee would like some bullpen fortification, and this ex-Brewer certainly would do the trick. He's come out of nowhere to go 12 for 12 in saves with a 1.31 ERA. A far cry from his mop-up days in Milwaukee, when the Brewers were an AL also ran, not an NL Central contender.

7. Jon Rauch to the Red Sox
Boston's bullpen can't be this good, can it? Rauch, a solid setup man (2-0. 3.70), is wasted in Washington, and the 6-foot-11 right-hander would enhance the Red Sox's relief crew.

And here's the opposite. Heyman suggests some "eh" players--the epitome of the deadline deal. These are likely to happen in THEORY, but the Red Sox and the Brewers could find any number of players in baseball to be setup men in their bullpen, and the people they get are unlikely to be, specifically, Jon Rauch or Al Reyes.

I would also suggest, quite off topicly, that nobody's who come out of nowhere, to have a good April and early May in the bullpen are not guys you want to invest a lot in...just saying.

Likelihood of happening? (These teams trade for middle-relief) 75% (these teams get Rauch or Reyes) 12%