marty burns has been paying too much attention to what we write

not to be outdone by new fjm fan jeff pearlman, (that is the first and only time i will namedrop him... but yes, oh yes, jeff pearlman does indeed read this site) cnnsi.com's nba writer marty burns has quickly jumped on the firejaymariotti bandwagon. considering that one of our favorite complaints to make here is that sportswriters constantly write bombastic, outrageous, and completely over-the-top nonsense, how else would you explain this comically un-controversial and painfully non-analytical nba draft lottery piece?

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/writers/marty_burns/05/22/lottery/index.html

Little luck goes a long way

Chance to draft Oden just part of lottery's high stakes

you mean oden isnt the only player out there teams might be interested in drafting? who the hell is writing these headlines? do they know anything about basketball? based on all the college basketball i watched this past winter, i would say greg oden is the one and only player available who can help a team next year. i guess i didnt watch any foreign basketball, so there could be decent guys available from overseas... but i doubt it.

Forget the playoffs. For fans of the Grizzlies, Celtics, Bucks, Hawks and most of the other NBA also-rans, the moment they have been waiting for since the end of the regular season has finally arrived.

The NBA will hold its annual draft lottery at 8:30 EST Tuesday night, and this year's event is one of the most anticipated in years.

This time we're not talking about a Bogut, Bargnani or (Kwame) Brown.

This time we're talking about a No. 1 pick who can really make a difference --if the scouts are right about Ohio State's Greg Oden and Texas' Kevin Durant.

"the scouts" ranted and raved about bogut, bargnani, and brown and how they would "really make a difference" if "they" were right. "they" do that about at least one guy every single year. i know its all relative, and that oden and durant are regarded as much better prospects than any of those 3 guys. but to pretend like this is the first draft in years with a potential "real difference maker" is silly.

"We've got two players who stand head and shoulders above the others," said Grizzlies president Jerry West, whose team will have the best chance of landing the top pick. "It could be a franchise-altering experience."

starting with 2005 and moving backwards, heres the names of two players drafted in each of the previous 10 years: deron williams/chris paul; dwight howard/andre igoudala; lebron james/carmelo anthony; yao ming/amare stoudemire; joe johnson/zach randolph; mike miller/quinten richardson (ok so 2000 sucked, but stay with me); shawn marion/ron artest; dirk nowitzki/paul pierce; tim duncan/tracy mcgrady; allen iverson/kobe bryant. boy, i dont know jerry... are you sure you want to go out on a limb and say that the draft could be a franchise altering experience for a couple teams? lets not go too bonkers here. this "well i think something will happen maybe" quote sets the tone nicely for the rest of the article, however.

"It's a big day for all the teams involved," said Celtics general manager Chris Wallace, whose team has the second-best chance. "I think this draft is deep enough that there will be quality players beyond Oden and Durant. But there's no question those guys are potential high-impact players."

its a big day... there are many good players available... oden and durant are really really good. wow. chris and jerry have been taking crazy pills together i guess.

im skipping over some blah stuff about how the lottery works. then this totally WACKY observation:

The good news for the Grizzlies and Celtics, of course, is that this year there are two players deemed worthy of the No. 1 spot. So finishing runner-up this time around won't be so bad.

yeah, you think that would be ok? you think those teams (notably the celtics, who have the second worst record in the league and thus "should" end up with the 2nd pick) wouldnt think it was bad to have the 2nd pick? that they would shrug their shoulders and say "yeah, i guess we'll take it?" im not going to put up a list of guys taken with the second overall pick. needless to say, many of them became awesome basketball players.

Here's a look at teams that have the most at stake in Tuesday's drawing:

as youll see, this sentence should have read "here's a look at teams that have the most at stake in tuesday's drawing, and some atrociously obvious commentary about what they want to have happen in the lottery."

Grizzlies: As long as they get one of the first two picks, they will be happy.

i dont know, ive heard some analysts say theyll be happy if and ONLY if they get the 4th pick.

Despite their abysmal season, they have a talented core in Pau Gasol, Mike Miller and Rudy Gay. The addition of Oden or Durant could give them a huge boost.

i dont really think so. i mean, oden and durant are two great basketball players, but how are they going to help the grizzlies? by playing basketball for them? yeah, right, thatll be the day.

It also could influence their search for a GM and coach. Larry Brown reportedly is waiting to see the results of the lottery before deciding whether he'd be interested in serving one or both of those roles in Memphis.

this part is fine. although at this point im not sure how much anyone should want larry brown coaching their team; he seems to be at the point of his coaching career where hell give up and mail in the rest of the season as soon as his team loses more than 1 in a row. whatever. moving on.

Celtics: Like the Grizzlies, they would be content with either Oden or Durant.

like the grizzlies, they will be happy if they get one of the two most highly touted players available in the draft in 4 years. to me, this is pure insanity- what are they thinking?

Oden's game, with his unselfishness and shot-blocking, is reminiscent of Bill Russell.

youre only saying this because this is a celtics blurb. although, to be fair, oden kind of looks like a 45 year old version of russell.

Durant would fit nicely alongside Paul Pierce and Al Jefferson.

again, how crazy an idea is this? such foolhardy analysis. someone get this guy a valium and calm him down.

Either way, landing one of these two picks will probably determine embattled front-office boss Danny Ainge's fate.

if danny ainge gets fired because his team gets unlucky in the lottery, i will laugh a lot. mostly because i hate boston sports teams, but also because that is dumb.

Hawks: They get to keep their pick only if they can move up into the top three. Otherwise it goes to the Suns as part of the '05 Joe Johnson trade (Phoenix would get Atlanta's '08 pick if the Hawks do get to keep it this year). Atlanta is in line to get the Pacers' pick (part of the Al Harrington trade), but only if it stays outside the top 10. If the Pacers get lucky and move up, the sad-sack Hawks could come away empty-handed.

any analysis about how this will affect their offseason personell moves? anything else to say here, burns? this is like a weatherman saying "if it rains, stuff will get wet." somehow he got even less aggressive with his analysis than he previously had been in the article... amazing.

Bulls: They own New York's pick, ninth overall based on records, because of the '05 Eddy Curry trade. Coming off a trip to the Eastern Conference semifinals, they could vault into title contention next season if they could somehow land Oden or Durant.

they looked somewhat flat against detriot in that series, but still forced it to 6 games after being down 3-0 (and very nearly won that game to force a game 7). detriot is most certainly a title contender whos about to steamroll cleveland and probably give san antonio all they can handle in the finals. so in burns' words: the bulls could become a title contender if their already extremely talented team brings in another extremely talented player. wow. this is like saying the new york mets can "vault into title contention" this summer if they make a midseason trade for a great pitcher.

Interesting side note: Chicago would be holding the No. 6 spot right now were it not for a last-second Knicks victory over the Bobcats in the final game of the regular season. The New York player who scored on a tip-in at the horn to win the game (and drop the Bulls three spots in the standings): Curry.

ill admit, that is kind of interesting. reading that led to the first time my brain has done anything since i started reading this column.

Suns: They won't be represented at the NBA TV studios in Secaucus, N.J., but they will be watching closely. Phoenix not only could snare Atlanta's pick, likely to fall between 4-6, but they also have the No. 24 pick (via Cleveland) and its own No. 29 selection. With three first-round picks, one potentially very high, the Suns could be an active player on the trade front. If Phoenix were to decide to retool by dealing Shawn Marion or Amaré Stoudemire, as rumored, those picks could be key pieces in a blockbuster deal.

the picks could possibly, maybe be part of a deal? you mean to say a team with a fantastically talented 7-deep rotation, which is also nearing the end of a window in which winning a title is a legitimate possibility (as nash enters his mid 30s), DOESNT want 3 rookies on their team? when two of them would be late 1st rounders? this is less obvious than "the celtics and grizzlies would both love either oden or durant." but still, this is the kind of analysis id expect from the clueless sports reporter on a phoenix local news station; not someone on a major national sports website.

im skipping over the blurbs for the sonics, bucks and timberwolves. needless to say they were all packed with the analytical equivalent of lettuce. the highlights: the sonics would like to resign rashard lewis, the bucks' fans should tune in because they might get a high pick, and kevin garnett probably feels better about the t-wolves' chances next year since theyll be drafting in the top 10. wow.

clearly, marty burns is listening to the gospel we preach here on fjm. we encourage writers to scale things back, not be so ridiculous, and put some simple analysis into their articles. unfortunately this article is a case of overcompensation to that effect. i know i sound impossible to please sometimes, but i promise its not that difficult. just write something that isnt full of garbage, but also tells even the most casual fan something they havent known for months. please.