Sunday, January 6, 2008

If Homer Simpson is S-M-R-T, Then I'm L-C-K-Y

Pop culture reference! Maybe if I bring up a popular TV show, people will like my blog just as much as they like it!

I know this has nothing to do with bad sports journalism, other than the fact that I'm less ignorant than Stewart Mandel (which isn't saying much), but I'm writing about it anyways. Consider it a sad celebration of the end of college football for the next 8 months or so. Just because I'm feeling like the cock of the walk after re-reading these, and because Ohio State and LSU square off tonight in the last game of the season, let's review my BCS bowl predictions from about a month ago. Obviously I would not be doing this if they had all turned out flagrantly wrong, but they didn't, so I am. Hooray. Holy shit, I am one lucky guessing bastard. Let's get the barely right/mostly wrong one out of the way first.

Georgia/Hawaii: This is exciting on the surface because just like last year's Fiesta Bowl, it's a high scoring WAC team matching up against a traditional powerhouse. So I'm excited about that (as anyone should be, at least on some minimal level) no matter how imbalanced the matchups on the field look. In any case, Georgia is probably going to win, but I'm not sold at all on Mathew Stafford. He misses a lot of open guys. Colt Brennan is the shit and he showed it against Boise State. Knowshon Moreno and Thomas Brown should rack up big yards, but the game will be played indoors and on fieldturf so the Warriors will be moving the ball as well. If Brennan has time to throw Hawaii's going to put up at least 35. Can Georgia match?

Obviously I was way off in thinking that Hawaii had a chance. But at least I was correct in guessing that if Hawaii was going to get killed, it would be because Brennan had no time to throw. That Georgia pass rush was vicious. Anyways, my thoughts about the other three games were more or less correct.

USC/Illinois: Yawn. Stanford over USC gets more ridiculous every time I think about it. Illinois beat Ohio State because no one could tackle Juice Williams. USC won't have the same problem.

Yawn. Williams and the rest of the Illini offense looked like a bunch of Canadians against the Trojan defense. The only thing that kept the game from turning into a total travesty was John David Booty's awfulness. I bet Missouri or Florida could have at least kept the final margin under three touchdowns. But why have a game like that, when you can have tradition? Heavens to Betsy, thank goodness a Big 10 team faced off with a PAC 10 team in the Rose Bowl! What would we have done otherwise?

West Virginia/Oklahoma: Since they seem to be on national TV every single weekend, I've seen WV absolutely embarrass several teams this year. Sure, they haven't played a team like Oklahoma, but as long as Pat White is healthy their offense can move the ball on anyone. Oklahoma is, of course, dangerously good in their own right. Stupid Bob Stoops. Stop looking so smug already. I can't explain WV's meltdown against Pitt other than to say it was a rivalry game, Pitt got up for it, and Westy choked. But like I already mentioned, I also watched Oklahoma absolutely shit the bed against Colorado in October. Bad games happen. If Westy doesn't have a hangover from the Pitt disaster (which is likely given that they have a month to forget about it) they're more than capable of beating the Sooners. Will they? Probably not. But it's going to be a good game as long as White doesn't get knocked out.

West Virginia's bed-shitting against Pitt was an aberration. Turns out, they can play with anyone when White is healthy. Just like I said. Nah nah nah nah nah. OK, maybe I said they "probably" wouldn't win and then they won by 20. At least I gave them a fighting chance, unlike Mandel. (See his article, linked in my original post.)

Kansas/Virigina Tech: Obviously, Kansas is really going to struggle to score much. Fortunately they have a very underrated defense that's going to hold VaTech's offense in check as well. Kansas CB Aqib Talib is a bad man and future NFL starter. I've seen four Hokie games this year and they don't seem to have much at the offensive skill positions. Tyrod Taylor gets a lot of snaps considering he sucks. Brandon Ore crumples as soon as he gets touched half the time. If Kansas makes too many mistakes early, it could get out of hand, but I think Todd Reesing is capable enough of not coughing up the ball that it should be interesting well into the second half.

Obviously this is my favorite of the four. Talib had a pick-6, KU's defense beat the crap out of VaTech's offense pretty much all night, and I came out smelling like a pile of roses covered in daisies and freshly baked cookies. The only thing I was really wrong about was the fact that Ore had a good game. Yayyyyyyyyyy me. Mandel made some kind of crack about the fact that Kansas was only the second best team in the Big 12 North. That may be true, but I guess the second best team in the Big 12 North is still more than a match for the ACC champ.

In conclusion, if there's anything we've learned in the end from this year's slate of BCS bowls, it's that a playoff system would be completely unnecessary and unsatisfactory. (I'm not implying that it will ever happen, just implying that anyone who says it shouldn't happen has a tiny brain. And if they're male, a tiny penis.)

Go Tigers! I don't really give a shit about them, but I do hate Ohio State, and a two loss national champion would be just another log on the fire that's hopefully about to engulf the BCS.


Probably not.

Definitely not.


Oh well.


Anonymous said...

Booty's "awfulness"?

25 of 37, 255, 3 TD, 102.9 QB rating.

Fuck the heck?

larry b said...

That was obviously a big mistake by me. All I will say in my defense is that it turns out I am too stupid to correctly read a box score. You can make your own inferences from there. I would like to issue an official apology to Mr. Booty and the entire USC Trojan family.

Anonymous said...

How about Illinois kept it close because Rashard Mendenhall is legitimately stellar instead of JD Booty is awful? Without Mendenhall, that game is an even bigger joke. Like how it's supposed to be when Michigan plays a I-AA school...

Anonymous said...

I like how we're talking about a 49-17 game that ended with SC on Illinois' 4-yard-line as "keeping it close."

Kevin said...

lb, i think you meant "HECK to betsy". your boy larry dobrow can't be too happy with that slip up.

Also, in case you haven't heard...RIP Honey.

larry b said...

Yeah, I heard. Sad. Had to happen eventually... I guess all I can say is that I'm glad it didn't while we were there. Is that bad? I just mean it would have been tough to deal with. Also... while we're at it, who the fuck are you? Pitt? Hess? I hope neither, because you're both more successful than me and I hate you for it. Seriously though, what's going on.