Friday, January 25, 2008

And Here I Thought I Knew What Unnecessary Meant.....

I can't fucking believe this was written. There couldn't be a thing in the world more irrelevant. Here's my thought: no Chicago team did anything worth bitching about, so JayBird's digging deep to bash the Sox for something they did in 2001. Two. Thousand. Fucking. One. I hope you're ready for a fuckton of irrelevancies, because here we go.

I once asked Magglio Ordonez about steroids. It was three years ago, after his divorce from the White Sox and shortly before fellow countryman Ozzie Guillen called him ``a Venezuelan (bleep),'' and I wondered if Ordonez had observed or suspected any steroids use on a Sox team known for sluggers.

He responded by mumbling something under his breath, but what I remember most was the perplexed look on Ordonez's face. His eyebrows were raised, arching higher than the central Florida sun, as if I knew more than I was supposed to know. A simple ``no'' would have worked -- unless, of course, ``no'' wasn't the truth.


Here's the likely real story....from 3 years ago.

Jay Mariotti: Yo Maggs, do you know of anyone on the Sox that's juicing?

Magglio Ordonez: (raises his eyebrows higher than the fucking central Florida sun, perplexed as hell at why he is being bothered by a loud talking doughnut, utters under his breath) Get away from me, you fat shit.....

3 years later.....

Jay Mariotti: There must have been something funny going on with that Ordonez fellow.....

This weekend at the Palmer House Hilton, snarling fans will continue a Soxfest tradition. They'll demand straight answers from general manager Ken Williams, who would have more fun sleeping naked at Wrigley Field in a snowstorm. They will ask why he left the rotation filled with craters, why he whiffed badly on Torii Hunter and Miguel Cabrera and why he keeps talking about a championship when finishing .500 seems like a -- cue the silly Hawkeroo -- ``stretch, stretch, stretch.''

This is getting so old......

1) Didn't whiff on Hunter. He was even going to overpay for Hunter before that dumbass Reagins upped the bid despite already having a good center fielder. Swisher is a better player.

2) In what universe did the White Sox even have close to an attractive package to offer for Miguel?

But if the good people are true baseball loyalists, they won't focus on 2008 at the session as much as 2001. That was when Williams, in a signing that reeked even before we completely grasped the monumental impact of steroids, purchased Jose Canseco from the Newark Bears of an independent league.

What the fuck??????

SoxFest is a convention allowing fans to ask the GM and manager questions about the upcoming baseball season.

Jay Mariotti just said that if these fans are true to baseball, they would interrupt all the interesting dialogue and debate about the upcoming season to interrogate him on why he signed a man of questionable character to play half a season when the White Sox had little-to-no chance to make the playoffs seven fucking seasons ago

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!??!?!?!??!?!

8 comments:

Chris W said...

i hate maggs

Tonus said...

I get the feeling that Jay and Jemele Hill have had a wager going for a few years now, to see who can write the dumber column.

Jim said...

Does Mariotti remember that the White Sox won the World Series in 2005, therefore a move made before that couldn't have been all that bad, especially Canseco 4 years before that.

dan-bob said...

" maggs got jewed"

- knott hall screensaver, circa early 2003

willie harris 4 lyfe

stevekerr said...

What. The. Fuck.

While Mariotti jumps on high fucking horse making it sound like he knew about steroid problem before MLB did, let's remember that around the very same 2001 timeframe, he thought it was impossible that Barry Bonds ever did steroids and that his going after the home run record was the best thing ever since sliced fucking bread.

I hate Mariotti with a burning passion.

Ed Hardiman said...

hey guys,
Great fucking scribble as always, but
what kind of crack is Gillick smoking when he'll pay a stiff like Werth 1.7m per year and with the same breath say Ryan Howard isn't worth 10m per?

GM's in baseball can't possibly be hired for their brains, otherwise how did Ed Wade end up putting the dumb ass in Astros?

Best Wishes & I'm looking forward to what you think about the Super Bowl broadcast and 'casters...

Ed Hardiman
FOXSports.com
contributing writer

pnoles said...

Hiyyyyyaaaaa there Eddie!

Ed Hardiman said...

pnoles,

Hiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyaaaa pnoles...It's almost spring training, I was thinking I'd throw up a post filled with every baseball misconception known to man including topics like...VORP is a fraud...Range factor is overrated for shortstops...Walks are more important than OBP...Why can't SABR prove the greatest player of all time was either Todd Zeille or Endy Chavez...we just don't know how great Endy will finally be...and all the awkward sentences you've come to know and love...start the season off with a bang as well as give you guys a chance to get in game shape for the season...