Thursday, July 19, 2007

hey dayn perry- you suck

i don't have the energy to discuss what a debacle dayn's weekly "heroes and villains" column usually is. i mean, it's a dumb concept, make no mistake about it. hey! let's arbitrarily pick 10 wacky/offbeat news items, declare them "good" or "evil" (the kind of oversimplified stratification american media consumers just love lapping up), and write some bad jokes about them! yay! but this week's edition is particularly idiotic. here's a brief rundown:

"heroes": ichiro's dog, the swiss (roger federer), the arizona diamondbacks (for having a carlos quinten bobblehead night even though quinten had just been sent down to AAA), fake joe torre quotes (from a blog), and a japanese pitcher throwing a crazy trick pitch.

while the jokes perry writes about these are incredibly dumb, and the stories themselves aren't nearly as interesting as he'd like you to believe, at least they're all sports related. now let's look at the "villains."

AC milan fans (for throwing a rabbit onto the field during play), danica patrick, people who buy an outrageously priced brand of bottled water, some kind of "flying" alarm clock, and ESPN's "the bronx is burning" (because john turturro doesn't look like billy martin).

in the context of who perry's employer and publisher is, two of these things don't belong. two others BARELY belong. sports, dayn. you're a sports columnist. if you're going to be unfunny at least stay on topic. i know it seems like i'm nitpicking. lay off. if you don't feel the same way i do about this you must be a dayn perry fan, in which case we have nothing to say to each other.


eriz said...

yeah he's an imbicile. I really hate his stats 101 columns, because he's like "EqA is a better stat for measuring batting" and that's all he says. He doesn't explain why or how a satistic works, or why it's better than something else. It doesn't make him wrong, but it does make him an incompetant sportswriter

eriz said...

plus those jokes are god awful

pnoles said... is a flying alarm clock POSSIBLY on any sort of villains list?

I'm hereby creating an official list of villain "snubs"

1) Slobbermetrics
2) Cascada's techno remix to "Truly, Madly, Deeply"
3) Clogging up the basepaths
4) The number 13
5) Hangovers
6) Segways
7) The NBA Slam Dunk Contest
8) Alex Rodriguez
9) That former defensive tackle on the Bears who is apparently a pretty bad dude but I can't remember his name because the media doesn't write about him enough.
10) Rob Bowen
11) Dan Patrick (for quitting ESPN)
12) Al Sharpton
13) Wet dogs
14) VORP
15) The movie "Ocean's Twelve"
16) Dayn Perry
17) Power rankings
18) People who don't pull into the intersection when waiting to making a left turn while the light is green
19) Matthew Murbles
20) Tinkling all over Barry Bonds that I'm done with that, I'm looking back and it doesn't make sense at all. Some things are bad, some things people think are bad, and aren't bad at all, and some are downright neutral. There's no point. So I guess that's just a list of 20 "things".

But it's every bit as legit as Dayn Perry!