Sunday, September 14, 2008

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen and Welcome to U.S. Cellular Field. Home of Your.....JOE MORGAN

Yep, it's another Sunday night LiveBlog! Larry is on his way over, and already caught a really awful Joe-ism. (I was watching V for Vendetta at the time, thinking the start of the game was going to be delayed a little bit. Underrated movie, I tell ya.)

I'm going to keep my stuff in this typeface. Larry's will be in italics.

Anyway, on to Rogers v Danks! We'll talk later after Joe's stupidity manifests itself (estimated time 3 minutes).

Quotes as close as possible. No DVR here yet.

Here's a couple of pre-broadcast bits from Larry B.

Opening scene of the broadcast: a wide screen shot of US Cellular. The national anthem is playing in the background. No audio from Jon or Joe. After about 15 seconds of silence on their part: Jon: "Hello! We're on the South Si-" He stops abruptly, and remains silent for 10 more seconds. Then: "Hello! We're on the South Side of Chicago!"

Off to a flying start.

Joe talks about all the threats in the Tiger lineup, and concludes:

"So it's not easy to beat the Tigers, although over the course of this season it appears that way, it hasn't been."

So I guess a lot of teams have been working extra super hard to beat the Tigers and keep them 7 games under .500, then, huh?

Edit: Bottom of 1st:

Joe Morgan: Thome just muscled that ball into right-center for a single, whereas most guys would have had a broken bat.

Correct me if I'm wrong (and I might be), but if you swing hard, don't you stand a greater chance of breaking your bat given the same point of contact?

Edit: After reading this, I feel better. I'm pretty sure Joey's wrong on this one.

Edit: Top of 3rd:

This was fun.

Joe Morgan: [Alexei Ramirez] has played his way back into Rookie of the Year consideration with the way he's played in this pennant....winning....situation

What?

Joe Morgan: (comparing Ramirez to Evan Longoria) He's been here all year, while Longoria wasn't there at the beginning or with his recent injury...

According to Baseball Prospectus's latest updated stats pages, both have exactly 441 plate appearances. Isn't that Joe-negatingly beautiful?

One's a power hitter, one's a.....second baseman...

wafij;oslekjfakwef'law;flasfk;laweask;lfasfd

Now there's two mutually exclusive categories if I've ever seen 'em. Ask Chase Utley if that one holds true.

Edit: Bottom of 3rd, Larry B finally here and chiming in.

"Well, you know what Yogi said, 'It ain't over til it's over.' I mean, it might look like it's over for the Yankees, but it's not over yet."

ESPN's Yankees playoff odds: Rays: 99.8% Red Sox: 99.7% Blue Jays: 0.2% Yankees 0.1%

It's over, man.


Edit: Bottom of the 3rd

Jon Miller: It used to be the new Comiskey, now it's U.S. Cellular Field. Try saying that 3 times fast!

Joe Morgan: ...That's ok.


So is "U.S. Cellular Field" tough to say fast now? That's hilarious. And in the process, we've uncovered Joe's childhood fear of tongue-twisters.

Edit: Top of 4th, Larry is on a roll here.

Joe: I always used to say, back when i was in high school, if it's a full moon, and you're out with your date, it's a good thing.

I think Joe is referring to werewolves.

Edit: Top of 4th. Marcus Thames, a notorious hard swinger and muscleman, just shattered his bat in a soft fielder's choice.

But Jim Thome would have muscled it into the outfield for a hit. I'm 100% sure.

Side note: If Progressive Auto Insurance doesn't take those Kathy Griffin commercials off the air, I am going to stop watching TV and move to the Yukon.

Edit: Bottom of 4th.

Joe Morgan: (on the Phillies) The difference obviously is Ryan Howard. When he hits, the entire lineup seems to hit. When he struggles, the entire lineup seems to struggle.

Phillies, April 18-May 20. Record: 17-14. Ryan Howard's OPS: .614.

August 7-August 25. Record: 10-8. Howard's OPS: .492.

Am I cherry picking? Of course. Who's going to stop me? But seriously, I think this makes it a whole lot less obvious as to the magnitude Howard's contributions have on Philly's success. I think what Joe meant to say is that Howard is African-American, so therefore he's awesome. (See: Sheffield, Gary and Joe's well established track record of gladhanding him.)


Edit: Bottom of the 5th.

After Joe Morgan gushed for like an hour about Rogers needing to throw the high fastball, Alexei Ramirez slapped said high fastball into center for a single. Isn't life beautiful?

Joe Morgan: Mr. October... It was a misnomer. People think he was named that just because of those three home runs he hit, but he was always good in the playoffs.

So when you say "misnomer," (a word I'm shocked he knows in the first place), you actually mean, "appropriate nickname." Joe's mastery of the English language continues to inspire viewers across America.

Side note: Did any of you guys this is the last season for Yankee Stadium? Because I sure didn't. I LOVE YOU ESPN ZOMG MWAH!

Edit: Bottom of 7th

Joe has either fallen asleep, wandered away, or is on the can. Again. Whatever old-people bowel problems Joe seems to have every Sunday night, they seem to not affect Jon Miller.

Scary thought: What if Joe had to step in as the play-by-play guy for a half inning?

Bottom of 8th, Tigers have scored 7 unanswered to tie the game.

Joe Morgan: They're not used to blowing 7 run leads either. They tried outscoring them by 7 runs, but that didn't work, so now they're going to try to score one more run.

Apparently, all attempts to remove one of the Tigers' runs have failed!

Steve Phillips just announced that because of a no-hitter by Carlos Zambrano, the Cubs are now the team to beat in the National League. Thanks, Steve.

Larry B and pnoles out.

5 comments:

Jack M said...

America prevails because Joe Morgan says it does.

Tonus said...

I'm wondering how the Phillies only played 31 games from August 18 to May 20.

Anonymous said...

If you think that Joe "the village idiot" Morgan is a fan of Ryan Howard, then you have NEVER seen an ESPN Phillies broadcast. Joe always nitpicks on as many negatives as possible. But the hard-on he has for Delgado would almost have me what is his real sexual preference.

Anonymous said...

If you think that Joe "the village idiot" Morgan is a fan of Ryan Howard, then you have NEVER seen an ESPN Phillies broadcast. Joe always nitpicks on as many negatives as possible. But the hard-on he has for Delgado would almost have me wondering what is his real sexual preference.

pnoles said...

tonus - Haha....you'll have to take that one up with Larry. :p

anonymous - We did a Phillies Sunday Night Baseball liveblog a few weeks back. He was very complimentary to Ryan Howard. See especially the comment about "chasing those balls down the right field line." Overall, I can't say for certain, as that was the only time I've watched the Phillies on Sunday Night Baseball. But that day he was definitely a-ok with Howard's play.