Are We Just Not Supposed To Take Anything on FoxSports Seriously?

I mean....between this article and Ed Hardiman...I've kind of lost faith. Some lady named Lisa Horne has just written a pathetically bad article.

10 most obnoxious fan bases

COLLEGE FOOTBALL THAT IS. OTHERWISE THE RED SOX WOULD BE THERE.

...anyway.

10. Florida
They live in the past and never shut up. They're sore losers and worse winners. Blackboard, meet fingernails. Presenting the 10 most obnoxious college football fan bases

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Really? They live in the past? If true, they do really suck. But me, I'd think the UF fan base would be living in the present given that they won a national championship two years ago and are looking like a fair bet to win one this year. Also their posterboy QB is coming off a Heisman campaign as the frontrunner for another Heisman.

Or does she mean the past like "stop talking about last year you losers! stop talking about last week when you stomped Miami! stop living in the past!"

Everything else in this entry could be applied to every fucking fanbase in CFB if you happened to dislike their team. Generic, meet Fox Sports reader!

At No. 10 is Florida, formerly coached by Steve "The Evil Genius" Spurrier. There used to be a popular joke that asked what the difference was between God and Steve Spurrier. The answer: "God doesn't think he's Steve Spurrier." Spurrier's gone to South Carolina now (how appropriate that he coaches a team whose mascot is named "Cocky"), replaced by Urban Meyer. Florida fans got all superior-like when Meyer turned down Notre Dame in favor of coming to Gainesville. Well, duh! Ever try to work on your tan in South Bend?

No words.

But Florida classlessness dates back at least to 1971, when the infamous "Gator Flop" against Miami got the ball back so John Reaves could break the NCAA passing record

Remember this excerpt for two reasons

1.) This lady absolutely refuses to make up her mind whether she's writing about programs or fan bases. This garbage about Spurrier being cocky and Florida's onfield behavior have very little to do with whether their fanbase is annoying, right? I mean, am I right?

2.) I want to propose a theory later that FoxSports just let some random Miami fan write some article about CFB teams she hates

9. Florida State
What makes FSU fans so obnoxious? How about bragging about themselves and their rituals instead of their football team? Since the Seminole players can't seem to entertain, the FSU faithful have to rely on cheesy Native American war chants, the Tomahawk Chop gimmick (how '90s) and hot chicks in Daisy Dukes and cowboy hats to amuse themselves.

Is this "annoying fanbases" or "annoying things I saw while randomly flipping through the channels on a college football Saturday"?

But seriously, fuck them for having tradition. And fuck them for continuing their traditional behavior EVEN WHEN THEIR TEAM IS LOSING.

God, what an annoying fanbase.

8. Alabama
Crimson Tide fans take living in the past to a whole new level. How long has Bear Bryant been gone? They brag about how many titles they've won and proclaim their rivalry with Auburn the greatest ever, but they're on an 0-6 streak in the Iron Bowl. Maybe they're the ones who started this whole "SEC" chant thing; if your team can't win, hide behind your conference's success.

Even a blind pig finds a shitbucket

7. Ohio State
Just how many times are Buckeyes fans going to make a big deal out of dotting that "i"? Attention to detail is all well and good, but come on

Once again, fuck them! How dare they have a unique and memorable tradition!

They use regular-season success to pronounce their team the greatest ever, then scatter like rats when their heroes get spanked in a title game. After they almost lost to Ohio, you have to wonder whether the wrong school has the pretentious "The" in front of its name.

That's kind of funny. I hate Ohio State and I hate that tOSU shit. But it's not THAT funny. I'm going to play curmudgeon here.

6.

Clemson
Do you get the feeling that Clemson fans feel they belong in the SEC and tend to over-compensate for it? They call their stadium Death Valley and chant "Tiger bait" at visiting teams, but honestly, what have they done in the last 10 years?

Clemson? Really? I mean...I'm not an ACC fan (unlike, evidently, Lisa Horne) but...Clemson? Really? Of all the fucking fanbases in all the fucking gin joints in this country?

And "what have they done in the last 10 years?" Well they haven't done anything particularly amazing, but they have established themself at or near the top of the ACC in recruiting and on-field performance despite being one of the least traditionally prestigious schools in a conference full of historically notable programs.

A golf championship in 2003? ("Spin that wedge! Sink that putt!") These SEC-wannabe fans are downright delusional

Once again, I'm not sure (since unlike Horne I'm not an ACC fan) but I'm PRETTY SURE she just made up something to make fun of Clemson fans for?

As in "heh heh wouldn't it be funny if they cheered on their golf team with golf related cheers at football games? That's typical Clemson. In conclusion, that is why Clemson fans suck!"?

5

. Southern Cal
Raise your hand if you're counting the days 'til the NCAA hammers the Trojans with sanctions so bad that Tommy Trojan falls on his sword and takes that mind-numbing band and those spoiled "V"-fingered fans with him. Forcing Traveler to listen to "Conquest" 50 times a Saturday should qualify as animal cruelty. Someone call PETA.

: I

4. Oklahoma
Stoops is the greatest, and this is the year. Right, every dang year. Give it up already.

Bob Stoops's record at OU:

1999: 7-5, bowl loss
2000: 13-0, Big Xii title, Orange Bowl win, National Championship
2001: 11-2, Cotton Bowl win
2002: 12-2, Big Xii title, Rose Bowl (fuck the BCS) win
2003: 12-2, Big Xii South title, BCS bowl berth
2004: 12-2, Big Xii title, BCS bowl berth
2005: 8-4, Bowl win
2006: 11-3, Big Xii title, BCS bowl berth
2007: 11-3, Big Xii title, BCS bowl berth
2008: 2-0, 4th in both polls.

Yeah, fuck that guy. What's he ever done?

Their fans demand the Sooners be ranked in the top 10 on reputation alone

See above

Get back to us when you can beat a WAC team in a BCS bowl.

Get it? Because remember when it happened that one time? Where an OU that Vegas favored by a whole 7 points happened to lose to a very very good WAC team in a BCS bowl game?

HA! Take that Oklahoma. Get back to us when that thing that happens that one time has not have happened! You lose nearly ever year to a WAC team in a BCS bowl game as long as that year is 2006! Time to take care of business and beat those WAC teams once and for all when you meet them in BCS bowl games in 2006. Ridiculous!

How dare they have lost that one time. Horrible fans.

3. LSU
Do their fans really think that changing the English language will make them better than everyone else? Geaux figure.

Yes. They do. Also, bayous and shit.

Their so-called rivalry game is with Tulane (yawn), and they never run out of excuses for their cupcake non-conference schedule.

Yeah fuck those guys. Playing in the incredibly weak SEC they play absolutely no tough conference games. And on top of that they schedule cupcake non-cons? Certainly no other major conference program would ever schedule Iaa or D-II noncons!

Also, fuck their fanbase for not storming the bastille at Baton Rouge and DEMANDING they schedule a totally tough team, like Michigan, not cupcakes like Appalaichan State.

Speaking of.

2. Michigan
What can you say about a fan base that thinks a loss should be rewarded? Never mind their incessant complaining after dropping (gasp!) in the rankings after losing to No. 1 Ohio State in 2006, they actually think the rest of the country cares about their rivalry with the Buckeyes. Maybe if the game actually determined a legit BCS title contender, we would.

Well, they did lose an incredibly close game to supposedly the best team in the country. But this isn't a particularly ridiculous quibble on my main girl Lisa's part. But...seriously "they actually think the rest of the country cares about their rivalry with the Buckeyes."

Oh, Lisa. Let me let you in on a little secret:

LOTS OF FUCKING PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST HISTORICAL AND HEATED RIVALRIES IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY.

But without a doubt, Michigan fans are the whiniest fans in college football.

Lisa's logic:

1. I set out to prove that Michigan fans are the whiniest in CFB
2. Lloyd Carr complained that losing by a narrow margin to the #1 team in the country shouldn't cost him a ranking spot. Once.
3. Ohio State-Michigan games haven't determined the National Title in a long time.
4. QED!

But ok. So Michigan fans are the whiniest ever. In the whole world. But Michigan's #2. Who could be #1? O the suspense! What program could possibly annoy Lisa Horne the most?

1.Notre Dame

Ok. A few things by way of preface. Me, Pnoles, Larry B, and Dan-Bob are all Notre Dame fans in some capacity. We go to games and are in general huge homers.

That said: Notre Dame has obnoxious fans. The ND fan base and the Chicago Cub fan base have a huge overlap. Enough said. Furthermore, Notre Dame is constantly and annoyingly overhyped year after year. It is undoubtedly true that they secure BCS and other major bowl berths other teams arguably deserve more and then lose their games pitifully. It is true that even when ND is out of contention for even a bowl berth everything Notre Dame does is blown out of proportion on ESPN when other people probably wish they could watch highlights of teams they care about and who might actually have an impact on the national title picture. It is also very true that the Irish are currently doing very little to merit national TV coverage when very exciting and relevant teams are buried deep in regional coverage.

It is completely fair to rank Notre Dame #1 on any "annoying __________ in College Football List."

That said, Lisa Horne completely boots it. She Leon Letts it. She Billy Bucks it. She Mary Todd Lincoln's it.

Let us count the ways.

The Irish rest on their laurels and think they deserve to bless us every Saturday on NBC. The 1940s have been over for a long time, folks. Notre Dame has been irrelevant for more than a decade, yet their myopic fans see light behind a 3-9 year. Call them out as a bad team and their fans bleat, "But you're still talking about us," in Stepford synchronicity. Obnoxiousness, thy home is South Bend.

1. What does the first sentence even mean? Who is resting on what laurels?

2. Notre Dame has been irrelevant for over a decade? Well certainly that's true if your only definition of relevance is winning bowl games, since the Irish haven't won a bowl game in over a decade. However, I don't know too many people who define relevance that way. I would probably define relevance by pointing to 2 BCS bowl berths (however "undeserved) in 2005 and 2006 as well as a 2002 team that was in the National Title picture as late as November 30th. But then again what the fuck do I know? I'm so...

3....myopic I see light behind a 3-9 year. What the fuck does that mean? Does that mean, like Las Vegas oddsmakers, I believe this team will win more games than they did in their historically bad 2007 campaign. Well fuck me. Or does she really think there's fans out there who think Notre Dame is a contender this year? My suspicion is, much like with Florida State, she's pretty much just saying "Your team sucks and you haven't hanged yourself? Pathetic!"

Even so.

Ok. So I said I'd propose a theory at the end of this column that Lisa Horne is a Miami fan. So look: here's the evidence

--Both Miami's major in state rivals are on this list and she uses a randomly irrelevant (to non Miami fans) incident against Miami as her keynote piece of evidence against Florida's fan base.

--Oklahoma, a team not particularly known for having an obnoxious fan base (most people I've talked to have nothing but good things to say about football trips to Norman), is on the list. Huge rivalry with Miami

--Ohio State. 2003. Tempe.

--Clemson?? Really.

--Notre Dame, though admittedly obnoxious, is yet another Miami rival.

Oh well. I guess if she's a fan of The U, I can't be too salty. After all her life must be plenty rough. Not much to cheer for down there these days. Except, I guess, my main man G-reg and his mad skills on the microphone.