Some Casual Announcements

As the title states, I'd like to announce a few news items that some of you may find interesting. No big deal. Ho hum. If you are shocked or amazed by any of these, please leave a comment expressing your feelings. None of them have links to the stories that would prove they are true because... um... well, don't worry about it. Just take my word for it- all of these are real! Promise. (I can't wait. This is going to be so funny.)

-Apparently the Mets have signed a new pitcher named Sidd Finch, who can throw a fastball at 168 mph. Good for them. If he stays healthy, I'd have to say this puts them a step above the Braves and Phillies in the NL East.

-Doctors in Toronto say that when they conducted their routine physical on David Eckstein after the Blue Jays signed him last offseason, it was discovered that he literally has the largest heart out of anyone on Earth. It's about four times larger than yours or mine. One of the side effects of this condition is having no skin pigment.

-I won't be picking on Bill Simmons anymore. I just realized how funny he is. And, it's like, he's so right about everything! It feels like he's my old buddy, you know, and he just happened to get a job as a sportswriter. Hooray for more articles about Boston teams. I have to admit, they're just more compelling than everyone else.

-It turns out, "Jemele Hill" is just a pseudonym. She's actually a racist white guy from Alabama, spewing his hateful ideas all over the internet under the guise of being an African-American woman.

-Jay Mariotti has been fired by the Chicago Sun-Times and ESPN.

-PNoles will be taking his place in both capacities. Congratulations PNoles.

Again, if you think any of these stories are unbelievable or amazing, be sure to leave a comment saying so. I think it's really important that you share your feelings about this. (Oh come on, just one person... please... please... I did a good enough job being subtle and believable, I'm pretty sure.)