Sunday, April 20, 2008

Joe Morgan Is America's Preeminent Baseball Color Commentator

During tonight's Mets/Phillies game, Joe had this to offer re: a video of Jose Reyes nearly sustaining an injury the night before when his head collided with Chase Utley's knee during an attempted steal:

"You see, he slides headfirst, which is the most dangerous way to slide because all kinds of things can happen."

1. Sliding feet first is probably less dangerous, but still puts you at risk for a plethora of potential injuries. "All kinds of things" can happen to your lower body just as easily as they can to your upper body. It's just the fragility of your head and hands that make going headfirst the riskier option.

2. I think Joe means more, rather than most, dangerous. Unless you count the "spread eagle flop," which hasn't been attempted in a game by anyone since Cappy "No Nuts" Williams in 1934, there are only two ways to slide.

I know that second point involves placing an awfully high level of scrutiny on someone as dumb as Joe, but how else was I going to get a dick joke into the post?


Anonymous said...

Unrelated to post: Simmons has jumped back on Bruins bandwagon. This can't be allowed.

Bengoodfella said...

You know what does not cause a plethora of injuries? Playing baseball the right way, ignoring computers and being a gritty baseball player who does not clog the bases.

Holy Motherfucking Good God Shit Taker Cock Block A Pony! Simmons did jump back on the bandwagon. He needs comments to his columns!

Andrew said...

"As a Boston fan, how am I supposed to get fired up during the regular season for a steady stream of Nashville, Columbus, Carolina and Anaheim?"

Total regular season games played by Boston since the lockout? 246. Number against the 4 teams Bill mentions? 17. Or 7 percent. Journalism at it's finest.

pnoles said...

Just to prove you wrong, I'm going to attempt a sideways slide in my summer softball league this summer.

Ah who am I kidding. I don't go outside. I meant, "I'm going to reprogram my bootlegged copy of 'Major League Baseball 2K8' so that the players slide sideways."