STOP

Everyone seems to have an opinion about whether or not Joba Chamberlain should move from the Yankee bullpen into their rotation. So let me give you mine: this is the stupidest, most worthless, most ridiculous, most rage-inducing sports story of the past five years. I cannot think of a single "talking point" - not one - that is more of a waste of the public's time than this. The first time I heard it brought up (probably immediately following New York's loss to Cleveland in the ALDS) absolutely needed to be the last. I don't care how popular the Yankees are; until he steps onto a mound to actually make his first start, this is the very definition of a non-story. Holy fucking balls, media. Stop it. Now. Stop stop stop. Fucking stop it before you make another generation of America's youth think that no matter where they live, they're required to be either Yankees or Red Sox fans. (Watch the Little League World Series this August and take notice of the kids' profiles if you don't know what I'm referring to.)

As an aside, another thing that needs to stop is the national media referring to players (or execs, for that matter) strictly by their first name. I'm tired of hearing about "Joba," "Hank," "Manny," or "Pedro." Well, the last two I might be able to stomach, since those are kind of those dudes' nicknames. But headlines like "Hank Starts Storm Over Joba's Role" are flagrantly tabloidish. The reason trashy celebrity magazines refer to "Britney" and "Angelina" in the way that they do is to try to bring the stars closer to their audience and make them feel like they actually know famous people on some level. That kind of imaginary friendship is intended to add fun, by way of drama and sensationalism, to the lives of those readers. But sports are already fun and sensational enough on their own. Fans don't need empty stories presented in a tabloidish format to stay interested.

I'm off to write another post that will contain significantly less bitching!