WMTMQR: Oh, The Irony

I had been stretching to find material for a post tonight. Clark Judge of CBSSportsline wrote a real piece of crap about five NFL teams he boldly suggests will make a run at the playoffs in 2008 after not finishing 2007 with a winning record. All of them were 8-8 or 7-9 last year, and have plenty of talent on their rosters. Yawn. And Jemele Hill checked in with her usual piece of garbage minus the race card. But neither of those pieces really warranted a full breakdown.

So imagine my elation when I stumbled upon the final TMQ column of the year. I'll say this much- you can't fault Easterbrook for not having any balls. This is a guy who regularly serves up some of the worst football analysis you'll ever read, and yet here he is, devoting an entire column to the perceived missteps of his colleagues. There is so much wrong here, I can't even begin to cover it all right now. I might pick up wherever I leave off for a separate post tomorrow, but here's a sampling that should have you shaking your head in anger for the time being.

How hard it is to defend the predictors Easterbrook names (many of which are regular punching bags here at FireJay), I cannot fully put into words. But this guy is such a pompous douche that I have to go through with the post anyways. That's life I guess. You spend 99% of it talking about how much [X] sucks, and then in the end, it turns out that [X] really isn't that bad when you compare it to what an asshole [Y] is.

Peter King predicted, "It'll be stunning if the Chargers can dig their way out of this horrible web of mismanagement to finally be a playoff factor next season."

They were 5-5 at one point. I'd have to say that their ensuing 8 game win streak (including a win over Indy in the RCA Dome in the divisional round) was indeed "stunning."

Ron Borges, then of The Boston Globe, predicted that Jeff Garcia, Patrick Kerney and Leonard Davis were "free agents to avoid." All made the Pro Bowl.

We'll see how much Dallas/Seattle enjoys paying Davis's/Kerney's contract in 2012 when he's 34/35 years old. I know, the teams can always just cut them. But good chunks of those contracts are guaranteed. By this logic, the contract the Giants gave Barry Zito in 2006 would have been a great idea had he won 16 games in 2007. Oh, and Jeff Garcia apparently looks and smells like a rat.

"JT the Brick" of MSNBC predicted, "The Oakland Raiders are back. They are drastically improved."

They won two more games than they did in 2006. Their point differential improved by 50. Six of their losses were by a touchdown or less (compared to four in 2006). Only three were by more than two touchdowns (compared to six). Do they still suck? Yes. Did they suck a whole lot less? Even as someone who fucking detests the Raiders, I have to say yes. To be fair, "JT the Brick" is still a shitheaded nickname.

Brick also predicted that, in early 2008, Bill Parcells would become coach of the Giants or Chargers; neither team changed coaches, and Parcells went to the front office of the Dolphins.

Take that, JT. Idiot. You were only able to predict that Parcells would return to a prominent role with a team, and almost the exact time he would do so. Way to dick up exactly which team and role it would be.

Andrew Perloff said Jay Cutler will "lead the Broncos back to the playoffs."

The Broncos' struggles had nothing to do with Cutler, who had a very good year (88.1 QB rating). Maybe being ranked 30th against the run and 28th in scoring defense were slightly larger factors in their struggles.

Then there were the Jake Plummer predictions. ESPN.com's Jeremy Green speculated, "If Plummer ends up in Houston, he might have to sit behind David Carr." Plummer did not come back, and Carr wasn't in Houston either.

That prediction is not incorrect at all; it couldn't be much less incorrect. That's a quadruple negative.

Then there were the Rex Grossman predictions. "There is no question the Bears are committed to Grossman as their starting quarterback next season," Pompei of Sporting News predicted. The Bears benched Grossman twice, starting three different quarterbacks.

Grossman started the season as QB. After he was benched, they gave him another chance. Sounds like at least some level of horribly misguided commitment to me.

Gene Wojciechowski of ESPN.com predicted, "Grossman will be fine. No way does he throw another 20 interceptions." Grossman threw only seven interceptions -- because most of the time, he was benched.

He was obviously not "fine" overall, but if you project his totals out to a full season, he'd have thrown about 15 picks. Just saying.

Vic Carucci of NFL.com predicted the Super Bowl would pair the Patriots and Eagles; Philadelphia did not make the playoffs.

Nice one, Miss Cleo. Way to only pick one of the two Super Bowl teams before the season started.

The Boston Globe ran five sets of Super Bowl predictions, none of them mentioning the Giants.

Every other newspaper in the world totally saw the whole Giants thing coming. Where were the Globe's writers when we all agreed it was inevitable? Shooting up HGH with Rodney Harrison? Losers.

Dan Shaughnessy of the Globe predicted San Diego over New England in the AFC Championship Game.

How preposterous! There was no way that could have happened at all. It's not like San Diego had more scoring drives than New England, while being without their two biggest offensive weapons due to injury and playing a QB with a shredded knee.

USA Today offered eight dueling Super Bowl predictions, none of them involving the Giants.

Hey USA Today (and the Boston Globe), if your hand is bigger than your face, it means you've got a tiny penis. *Slap* I can't believe you fell for that!

None of ESPN television's "Sunday Countdown" crew -- Chris Berman, Tom Jackson, Chris Mortensen, Keyshawn Johnson, Mike Ditka or Emmitt Smith -- predicted the Giants would reach the Super Bowl.

Hey guys, there's a dickfor on the ceiling. (pause) Well I don't know, maybe you should ask your sister! Everyone get a load of these people who didn't think the Giants would make the Super Bowl. Can you believe they didn't see that coming? Talk about obvious.

Of the 22 predicted Super Bowl participants, 12 failed to make postseason, and no Pro Football Weekly analyst predicted the Giants would reach the Super Bowl.

Might as well ask them to try to bite their own ears!

ESPN The Magazine ("Published on Earth, the Planet") predicted a Super Bowl of Chargers over Cowboys.

Not even close! (Actually, somewhat close.)

None of the four dueling Super Bowl predictions inside The Mag mentioned the Giants.

OK, I'm running out of jokes to play on stupid people. Maybe gluing a quarter to the ground and seeing if they try really hard to pick it up?

Then there was the astonishing ESPN.com meta-forecast. Your faithful servants at ESPN.com offered no fewer than 16 dueling complete NFL forecasts for division winners, wild-card teams, Coach of the Year, MVPs and the like. And along the lines of the dog that didn't bark, if you check the link to the meta-forecast, what team name don't you see?

This is getting ridiculous. Other things Gregg Easterbrook wants to point out weren't predicted correctly by pundits:

George Mason in 2006 Final Four
Cardinals win 2006 World Series
Warriors knock of Mavericks in 2007 NBA playoffs
US 1980 Olympic hockey teams beats USSR
Appalachian St. beats Michigan

Honestly, the odds of the Giants winning 3 straight road playoff games weren't that much worse than any of those events happening. And I know Pittsburgh did exactly that just two years ago, but history still says its nearly impossible.

Trust Him, He Used to Run the Economy: In February 2004, Alan Greenspan, then chairman of the Federal Reserve, praised adjustable-rate and interest-only mortgages, the gimmick loans that triggered the 2007 default wave. In October 2004, Greenspan said a sudden drop in housing values was "most unlikely."

I hate to play this card, but honestly... hey asshole, let's see you do a better job of managing one of the world's largest economies. Greenspan couldn't have been more wrong, but his words were molded by the politics of reelection. I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's probably a pretty intelligent guy when his behavior isn't being dictated by the selfish powers that be.

Sports Illustrated forecast a Rose Bowl of Michigan versus Rutgers; neither made the BCS. The magazine forecast Ohio State would not make the BCS; it made the national title game.

Rutgers? That's bad. Michigan? They came within a decent offensive showing against OSU of making that happen. OSU themselves? Well, they probably deserved to be in the BCS... probably. Maybe. They certainly didn't deserve to be in the title game. And if they played Missouri 10 times on a neutral field, who do you think wins 6? I say it's a tough call. Of course, Hawaii apparently didn't deserve to be in the BCS either.

Bad College Predictions No. 2: "West Virginia is certain to win, and they will play in the BCS championship:" Doug Flutie on ABC, a few hours before No. 2 West Virginia lost to 4-7 Pittsburgh, forfeiting its shot at the BCS title.

Way to not see that coming, Elf-man.

Note: After West Virginia kept its first team on the field and kept throwing deep despite a 31-point, late-third-quarter lead against woeful Syracuse, reader Peggy McMahon of Rockport, Maine, e-mailed me to predict the football gods would exact vengeance on the Mountaineers. And yea, verily, it came to pass.

Hmm. Those Gods must've missed LSU throwing the ball deep numerous times during the second half of a 58-10 win over Louisiana Tech on November 10th. Unless you count their loss to Arkansas as "revenge," which you probably shouldn't, considering it didn't keep them out of the SEC or BCS title games.

Profootballtalk.com forecast the Giants to finish last in the NFC East. Paul Zimmerman of Sports Illustrated forecast the Giants to finish 6-10. The New York Times predicted the Giants would "take a step backward" in 2007. Eric Allen of ESPN foretold, "The Giants are a team that could disappoint." Don Pierson, whose MSNBC column is called "Ask the NFL Expert," forecast Jersey/A to finish last and added, "The Giants are having a hard time convincing anyone they are on the way up."

Bill Williamson, on MSNBC at the start of the season: Jersey/A "cannot go to the Super Bowl. The Giants have to just hope their quarterback progresses and there isn't a mutiny of the coaching staff. The Super Bowl is too much to ask for."

Dude, stop. You're fucking killing me.

Gregg Easterbrook, Tuesday Morning Quarterback: "I am not sold on the Giants." Spoken on "The Max Kellerman Show," November 2007.

Oh. Well alright then.