Peter King, Please Shut Up
First, let's briefly hand out the Reader Extra Participation Friday award for last week. Lots of good submissions, and thanks to everyone who threw their hats into the ring, but I'm going to award the title to Jones.
Moon launch: rockets make it possible
I mostly laughed at this because I could see it actually being on the cover of Popular Mechanics sometime in the early 60s. And without rockets, we wouldn't have this moment.
Next, let's do something painful and review why Peter King is annoying. From his "non-NFL thoughts of the week." (Yes, I know this blog is allegedly about sportswriting. But if this dummy is going to pop off at the mouth about other things while in the process of writing a football column, it's fair game.)
b. Finally saw Michael Clayton. Very good movie. Not as good as No Country for Old Men, or Charlie Wilson's War, but I believe if I were writing a blurb for the newspaper ad for Clayton, I would write: "Taut legal thriller.''
Wow. You have a way with words, my friend. How long did it take you to come up with that? It's so simple... yet so accurate. Watch your back, guy who currently writes newspaper ad blurbs for movies. There's a new guy who wants to do what you do (if you actually exist) in town.
c. Len Pasquarelli was up and about and feeling well in his Phoenix hospital room Sunday, just seven days after his bypass surgery. "Let me tell you something,'' Pasquarelli, the ESPN.com pro-football maven, reported from his bed Sunday afternoon, after his first post-bypass shower. "There's no better feeling in the world than your first shower after a heart attack.''
What does that mean? Len? Maybe you should just lie back down for a couple more days.
d. Coffeenerdness: No coffee news this week. None. Had a lot of tea, actually, coming off my bronchitis/virus/ear infections. Filled to the gills with the green tea, just like Phil Simms advises.
Phil Simms- health adviser to the stars. Does he have any recommendations as to how I should deal with my scoliosis? What about acne? Scurvy? Rickets?
e. Do people realize how silly they look and sound, even with Bluetooths (Blueteeth?) in their ears, to be cackling and talking loudly and gesturing with no one around.
Apparently King is still familiarizing himself with the concept of cellular telephones. Given how often he claims to text players, this is surprising. Either that or he wants to draw some meaningless distinction between hands-on cell usage and bluetooth-enabled usage.
OK, I think that was sufficiently awkward and painful.
9 comments:
People who cackle, talk loudly and gesture look stupid whether they are on a bluetooth or in a group of 5-10 people, unless they are drunk...then it's funny.
The question for Peter is if they look silly while just talking, in a normal tone like normal people when they are on their bluetooth. If the answer is "no", then I think the bluetooth is a non-issue.
See, what we've done here is "solved" for the bluetooth and found annoying people to be the problem, not the device.
Take that! Peter King!
Phil Simms- health adviser to the stars.
Too good.. Who knew Phil knew how to do anything but praise Tom Brady? What if Brady drank green tea on the sidelines, Phil would demand Brady go to to the hall of fame instantly!
Nice math, Jeff.
And Jim, Phil already demands that Brady go to the HOF instantly. Did you hear what he had to say in the aftermath of the AFC divisional game against the Jaguars?
I think you found your Reader Participation Friday feature for this week: "There's no better feeling in the world than... your first shower after a heart attack."
Tough to top Len on that one.
b. I think this might be the Reader Participation topic: "bland, formulaic, three-word movie reviews."
On the other hand, maybe not.
c. Not to dump on a guy who just had heart surgery, but while he's there, can he look into hair grafts or something? Pasquarelli has the absolutely most atrocious combover this side of Jane Pauley.
d. Boy that Phil Simms is a real health maverick! Who would think to suggest GREEN TEA for anything health related? Green tea is the chicken soup of the new century-- everyone tells you to take it when you're ill, even though no one knows if it does anything aside from burn your throat if it's too hot.
e. Tune in next week, when Peter King realizes that his "texting box" can actually be used for VOICE COMMUNICATIONS as well! And then the week after, when he realizes that athletes ask for him to text them because they don't want to actually talk to him. Yeah, that includes Brett Favre.
...
It's not easy to use the word TAUT in a sentence.
Maybe 3 years ago the bluetooth thing was annoying, but who isn't used to it by now?
Uh, the "bluetooth thing" is still annoying, but not for the reasons Peter King imagines. Peter King hates it because he imagines cyborgs in that Star Track movie are trying to kill him; my problem with them is that I don't like being near douchebags when I can avoid it.
Hooray, I won something from Larry's basement! uh...?
Jones, as stated on Friday, you win a Slim Jim. It's been in my basement for the past 2 months or so, but you know how many preservatives those things have. It's as good as new. If you want to stop by my house and pick it up, I'll have my mom put it in the mailbox.
I appreciate the discourse and suggestions from everyone else. A meaningless three word movie tagline thingy might be a good idea. We'll see.
Only a completely ignorant tool like Peter King would think Charlie Wilson's War was a better movie than Michael Clayton. Maybe he LIKED it better, but it was by no means a superior film.
Next time he'll tell the world that There Will Be Blood was good, but not as good as Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins.
Post a Comment