Sunday, December 7, 2008

Well, That Settles That!!!!!

Gregg "I'm a fucking Idiot" Doyel:

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Hey, Texas. Hey, USC. Hey, anyone and everyone who doubted Oklahoma belonged in the Big 12 title game, and going forward, in the BCS title game:

Any questions?

I can't claim to speak for Texas or USC fans, since I hate both those fucking teams, but I'd imagine their questions would sound something like this:

TEXAS FAN: "My question is how does blowing out a team that we blew out by a similar margin prove that a team we beat belongs in the title game?"

USC FAN: "My question is when did we say OU didn't belong in the Big 12 title game? Also I have an unrelated question regarding Reggie Bush's living arrangements, but you don't have to answer that. Oh and one more question, which is, how does a pasting of an inferior team speak to the fact that Vegas thinks we're a better team than every CFB team on a neutral field?"

Texas, if they played 10 more times, might not be able to compete with Oklahoma.

TEXAS FAN: "From Gregg Doyel's mouth to my ears!"

USC FAN: "What does that have to do with me?"

I know, I know. If you're a Texas fan, maybe even if you're not, that's a hard argument to swallow. Kind of like a snake downing a goat. But I've seen pictures. Snakes can swallow goats. And if you open your mind, you can swallow this hard-to-believe truth:

Oklahoma deserves its spot in the BCS title game.


Oklahoma over Texas? Sure, but the real question is whether Florida deserves to be in the BCS title game over Texas. Oklahoma is a no-brainer. Oklahoma is the best team in the country, and Saturday night at Arrowhead Stadium was Exhibit F. Exhibits A-E came Oct. 25 to Nov. 29, when the Sooners -- good and ticked off by that loss to Texas on Oct. 11 -- annihilated five Big 12 teams by an average score of 62-30.

Fair point. Florida doesn't deserve to be there. Unlike Oklahoma, who responded to a bad loss by annihilating their opponents, Florida has pretty much been squeaking by since their Ole Miss loss.

Touche. Too-fucking-shay.

Exhibit F was just as thorough. Just as frightening. Early in the third quarter it was 41-7, and Missouri's fans were gone. They'd seen enough. But not Oklahoma's fans. After the Sooners intercepted Chase Daniel with a 55-21 lead and five minutes to play, OU fans chanted, "We want 60, we want 60!"

Oklahoma complied, because Oklahoma is that good. Third-stringer Mossis Madu hurdled a defender and went 38 yards for a touchdown as the Sooners became the first team in NCAA history to score at least 60 points in five straight games.

Yeah, Florida's championship game was nowhere near as impressive. USC floundered on the road against UCLA, squeaking by in a real nailbiter. And Texas, well let's just say they're glad they didn't have to face the mighty Mizzou Tigers. They didn't even crack 60 the first time they played them!!!!!!


This article, it just really really sucks. Doyel spends the rest talking about how

a.) OU has a Heisman candidate QB (unlike, I guess, Florida and Texas)
b.) OU has had to play without a standout WR and still won (unlike, I guess, Florida)
c.) Bradford spreads the ball around for OU (unlike, I guess, Tebow or McCoy)
d.) Bradford is really good at running the spread offense (Tebow has been mostly uneffective as a spread option QB)

And various other buttfuckeries. Don't get me wrong--I'm fine with OU in the NC game and I'm not crying any tears that Bama, USC, Texas, Texas Tech, and Penn State are all left out, despite the fact that they are also one loss teams.

But OU beating a mediocre Mizzou team doesn't really resolve the issue. And if it does resolve the issue, it's not for the bullshit fuckass reasons Gregg Doyel's propagating here.

What is it with dumb sportswriters named "Gregg"?


Larry B said...

I think we can ALL agree that chocolate ice cream is better than vanilla. Yes, that is settled because I said so.

Also what the fuck does it mean to say that Texas "might not be able to compete" with OU if they played 10 more times? They sure were able to compete with them back in October. In fact, they competed so well, my records show that they actually outscored the Sooners. Have things changed drastically since then?

Martin said...

Well, perhaps he means that they couldn't compete 10 times, blowing out Oklahoma 9 times, and then losing that tenth...that being the magical "If they played ten times...." part of his article.

I think Florida is the best team in the country, but not by a large margin. USC, Texas, Alabama (get rid of a brain lock by the kick returner and two dumb ass personal foul penalties and they played Florida straight up) are all as deserving as Oklahoma I'd say, but only one team can go, and they made it. The lame and freakish justifications coming from the Oklahoma supporters is driving me nuts though, and almost turning me into a Texas fan...God bless my soul.

Chris W said...

I think there's only one thing to say about the situation:

Your fuckass NCAA people and pussyfoot University Presidents agreed on a numerical system to determine who plays.

That system determined, pretty conclusively that OU and UF play in Miami for the title.

Unfortunately that means that there are 5 (count 'em 5) major conference schools with one loss who are shit out of luck (one of whom doesn't even get to go to the BCS at all!). Which is pretty fucking shitty.

However, if you don't like that, you have the following options:

a.) Win your bowl game conclusively and hope you get voted #1 in the non-BCS poll so you can pretend you're the national champs like USC did in 2004

b.) Go back in time and not lose the one game you lost

c.) Go back in time and tell your University Presidents to tell the NCAA it's jus' 'bout time fo' a playoff.

d.) Stop whining and get a fucking playoff going NEXT SEASON YOU PUSSY ASS MORONS.


cs said...

NBA Playoffs rule

And a side note... my code to post was "Jammith"... that's pretty fucking cool as far as posting codes go.

Tonus said...

"Texas, if they played 10 more times, might not be able to compete with Oklahoma."

Because, as we see each and every year, the college football season is utterly predictable. No upsets, no letdowns, no surprises whatsoever.

Also, that line has to be in the running for "Most Weaselly Written Line of the Year."

Chris W said...

NBA playoffs suck. They should just have a bowl system for the NBA championship. It would have worked last year! Boston and LA would have been #1 and #2

CitizenX said...

I think we would have all paid good money to watch Atlanta take on Philadelphia in the Chick-fil-NBA bowl.