Saturday, December 27, 2008

Post-Holiday Bonus Bonanza Post

OK, I've been accumulating several things that need to get posted over the course of the past few days. Let's cut to the chase.

1. Buck Martinez, supposedly a baseball "expert" as he is employed by XM to comment on various baseball matters during its most listened-to timeslots, has this to say about the prospects of Pedro Martinez pitching anywhere this year.

Now this is a guy who I think still has a few starts under his belt.

You're right. As of the publishing of this post, he has exactly 400 of them "under his belt." And he will continue to have 400 or more of them, no matter how many years pass. If you're talking about his potential ability to pitching the majors in 2009, and referring to how many starts he has left in the tank, a figure of speech which is pretty common and should probably not be bungled by a guy employed in talk radio, that's up for debate. Please do not confuse "left in the tank" with "under his belt." It's not that hard.

2. ESPN's Doug Gottlieb, a guy who I usually like, lays a real egg in his summation of everything that's wrong with the media's interpretation of baseball in this soundbite re: Mark Teixeira (prior to his signing with the Yankees):

See, what I don't understand is why he would consider the Nationals or Orioles over the Red Sox. If you go to Baltimore, you're irrelevant. If you go to Washington, you're irrelevant.

This is, as I said above, exactly what's wrong with the media's interpretation of baseball today. According to Doug and the many writers and commentators who think exactly like him, if you don't play for the Yankees/Red Sox/Cubs/maybe the Dodgers or Mets, you might as well not be playing at all. And that's just fucking sad. What? Baltimore and DC each have millions of people, many of whom are fans of the hometown baseball team? Fuck it- if you're not playing for RED SOX NATION, you might as well be sitting at home and eating junk food.

Fucking gag me.

3. Here's a hot tip for all you announcers out there- puns are fucking lame. Don't use them. Ever. During Notre Dame's Christmas Eve win over Hawaii in the Hawaii Bowl, ESPN's play-by-play guy (who will remain unnamed due to my laziness) dropped the following two lines after commercial breaks:

It's Jimmy "Santa" Clausen and Golden "Frankinscence and Myrrh" Tate who are the story for Notre Dame today!

For the Irish, it is indeed "A Wonderful Life" here in Honolulu!

To put it simply: STOP. NO. FUCK YOU. No one worth pandering to enjoys this kind of monkey shit.


Venezuelan Beaver Cheese said...

Right, you're "irrelevant" if you're not playing in a huge market. That's why CC Sabathia was virtually ignored this offseason. After all, how good can you be if you play for Milwaukee?

With the exception of Aubrey Huff, I've only heard good things about Baltimore from players. Guys like Harold Baines, Mike Bordick and B.J. Surhoff all returned there after being traded away previously. Heaven forbid Teixeira might've actually wanted to play in a friendly environment.

Now that he's chosen the Yankees, he'd better produce in the Playoffs. The New York media can make even the best player in baseball seem like garbage to boorish fans who think the World Series is their birthright.

Tonus said...

I guess that, prior to the 2008 season, Doug's advice to free agents was "avoid Tampa Bay. If you go to Tampa Bay, you're irrelevant."

pnoles said...

Speaking of Aubrey Huff, I feel like no one even noticed what a monster season he had. God bless the media......

Jack M said...

Fast facts about the Orioles' 2008 season.

- 4th in the AL in hitting. Sent 0 hitters to the All-Star game.
- Melvin Mora OPS+ed 178 for the 2nd half of the season.
- Nick Markakis OPS+ed 134 for the season, but you'll never see or hear about him on ESPN unless he strikes out against the Red Sox or Yankees, or 3 years from now when he signs with one of those teams.
- The Orioles finished 2nd to last in the AL in pitching. Blah.

Passive Voice said...

Ehhhhh I think you've become a little too sensitive about the media's big-market ball-washing. Is it possible he meant "by mid-August, you're irrelevant because your team is shit"? Is it possible that this Gottlieb guy was making a distinction between good and bad teams, as opposed to popular and less-so teams?

Passive Voice said...

"Sitting at home and eating junk food" is what Tex could have counted on as his October regimen if he had signed in Washington.