Monday Night Reader Extra Participation: A Life or Death Situation
I halfway mentioned this in the comments section of an earlier post, but since it's kind of a slow sports night, I felt compelled to turn it into a full post. Here's the situation: you're on a plane that's minutes away from crashing. The pilots and other passengers have already parachuted to safety. The only two other beings on said plane besides yourself are none other than Brett Fav-ruh and Barbaro. (Pretend he's alive; after all, he'll live forever in our hearts.) It's the three of you... and only two parachutes. You're in control. What do you do? Are you selfish enough to deprive America of one of its true heroes? Are you crazy enough to deprive it of both? Will you try to wear a chute while holding onto Barbaro in order to save all three of you? Please, let me know. I'm curious.
(Hint: unless you want to get really creative, this basically boils down to who sucks more between the two celebrities.)
20 comments:
Why would you use a parachute on a horse?
Getting a little carried away with the Favre hatred around here...
Does Favre have an HBO doc? I think not Larry B. Nice trick question but the answer is clearly Barbaro. Plus, I think you've entirely discounted divine intervention? Would God deprive us all?
I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna get that chute on the horse. At least the horse didn't bring all this attention on himself.
Fuck it, I parachute with one on, and holding the other incase the first one fails.
Adios muchachos!!
Deal with it, Anonymous #2.
It's a magical parachute, Anonymous #1.
Thank god readers are here to remind us of things like whether we are "getting a little carried away with our Favre hate"
Ah, the delicate voices of reason!
I'd choose the horse. Think about it, what better way to cement Favre's popularity and legend by having him die in a plane crash because some basement-dwelling loser wouldn't give him a hand? The press would write epic tales about how Brett almost landed the plane even though his skin was being seared off by the flames in the cockpit. And imagine the stories! About how on quiet winter nights in the area of the crash, you can still hear a disembodied "hut hut... HUUUUUUUUUT" carrying through the crisp cold air.
It's the kind of ending that Brett would want!
We are not carried away with Favre hatred, the media gets carried away with Favre love.
Here's what I would do. Knowing beforehand I would be on a plane with Barbaro and Brett Favre, I would bring horse tranquilizer, euthanize the horse in a humane way. There is really no way to get a horse off a plane so he should be used for good purposes. Then turn Barbaro into Super Glue. I would use the Super Glue I created from Barbaro's remains and glue Brett Favre's body to his seat in the plane. That way he can't overpower me and get to the other parachute. Then I would throw the parachute out the window, strap on my parachute and jump out of the airplane knowing Aaron Rodgers will finally be able to battle Brian Brohm for the starting QB job in Green Bay and ESPN will quit talking about it.
I'd grant Favre his parachute if he promised me, pinky swear and all, that he'd stay retired and tell ESPN to shut the hell up once and for all about it. If the greatest interception-thrower of all time refused, I'd let Barbaro have the ginormous, magical, customized-for-horses parachute (Favre would look silly using it anyway) and jump out myself. Heck, if Favre is that intent on getting media attention, his unbelievable story of surviving a plane crash and subsequent fiery inferno because his scruff and Wranglers are flame-retardant.
I'd save Favre.
Because if he dies in that plane crash we'll never hear the bloody end of it. Think Buddy Holly in "American Pie" (the Don McLean song, not the shitty teen movie) except instead of a talented singer-songwriter, Peter King.
Here's the thing:
Favre could end, or at least diminish, the media circus surrounding him. It seems to me that he could cut a lower profile. I'm not saying he's an attention-grabbing hooker, but I do think some of this is due to his own personal action.
I'd save Favre on the off-chance that, if I didn't, he'd be able to quarterback that plane away from crashing anyway and make us all look like idiots for jumping out. Plus, he's more likely to think that he could land the plane juuussst between those two buildings over there and squeeze it in, but he'd overshoot it and crash and die.
I guess my scenario means I save Barbaro and Brett Favre kills thousands of people.
I would take both parachutes for myself, in case one of them didn't open.
It's got to be Barbaro.
Leaving behind Favre and 17,839 credentialed members of the MSM (it's cozy on that plane) to burn.
Even if you don't dislike Favre, isn't it a noble enough sacrifice to take out his brown-nosed retinue of literacy-retarded sycophants.
(Also, this post needs the "screw you espn" label".)
I say you save Barabaro. That way, if you happen to land in the middle of nowhere, and you fear you won't be rescued for a long time, you can eat him.
Horse meat is delicious.
Cannibalism is wrong.
I guess you save Barbaro if it's somehow practical. Brett Favre go to hell.
Man...I like this blog, but you guys are way, way off on this.
Brett Favre is one of the most likable athletes of the last 20 years, and you guys are just ripping him for a very complex and difficult situation.
He plays the game as hard as anyone. He obviously cares only about playing and winning football games. He made a bad decision to retire and has taken the rejection by the Packers personally (which absolutely anyone would, given his history), and he just wants to play. So fucking crucify him.
What a joke. This blog takes itself so seriously as the watchdog of irrational sports journalism, and then it reacts to the Favre story with about as much thought and understanding as Jay Mariotti to any given White Sox story.
Yeah, you are absolutely right, jmott15. He cares about playing and winning so much that every year he holds the entire organization hostage to his whims or his petulance (last year he was peeved that the Packers didn't sign his choice for receiver). Because of that they cannot be certain of the team they will put on the field. That makes it tough to sign free agents, by the way.
This time he came out early, when he could have taken at least until spring to decide, and retired because he didn't think he was mentally able to get into the right mind set to be a champion. Then, after talking to the team, and telling them on different occasions he would stay retired, he decided to return. At that point, not only did he contact another team to let them know he wanted to play for them, but he used his original team's phone to do so (was this on their tab?). What does good ol' Brett do next? He calls the commissioner, asking him to get involved. The commish, not finding guys he can suspend or video tape evidence he can destroy, gets involved (as he would for any player..ha, ha) and forces the Packers to move Farve (oops, sorry, that's how it's pronounced, not spelled, at least how this pretentious (or ignorant) dickhead pronounces it.
It's not my blog, so I cannot speak for the owners. I think he wanted out of Green Bay and retired thinking he would be able to come back and pick his new team. The Packers held his rights, so he didn't have the control he wanted, and his buddies in the media like Peter King weren't able to help him, so he went to Goodell hoping to get released. Goodell forced Green Bay's hand, and now Brett is a Jet. He's on a lousy team, but at least he will be in green.
First of all, that whole thing with the call from the Packers phone turned out to be b.s., and if you'd been following the story, you'd know that.
And as for your point about him not wanting to win, that was just stupid. You argue that he isn't concerned with winning because he bitched about not signing Moss. To me and every other rational person on the planet, that is an obvious indication that he had his heart set on winning.
And guess what, when you're the franchise player and one of the best quarterbacks ever, you get to voice your opinion on who you'd like to throw to. It comes with the territory.
As for the rest of your post, you're just wrong. No one in their right mind can argue that Favre wanted out of Green Bay. It was clearly his first choice to play. And to further suggest that he wanted to come back and pick his team only to suddenly and unexpectedly learn that he lacked the contractual ability to do so is ridiculous. I'm gonna go out on a crazy limb and assume that someone, whether it be his agent, his attorney, his wife, his uncle, or Favre himself, was cognizant of the glaring fact that when he signed a binding contract with the Packers, he might be limited in his ability to play for other teams.
But all of this misses my original point. Favre has been a class act in a league (and sports world) full of classless players for the duration of his career. Has he been perfect? Of course not. Has he handled this recent situation perfectly? Not even close. But because of his recent acts, do I suddenly despise Favre as if he stole my girlfriend and ran over my dog? No.
Can I leave jimarmstrong and jmott15 on the plane with Favre?
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