Saturday, August 23, 2008

Every Time You Watch FOX Saturday Baseball With the Volume Unmuted, You Get Stupider

They've got the "B" team announcers working today's Rays/White Sox game. (I'm not going to take the time to look up their names.) If people are below Joe Buck and Tim McCarver on the depth chart, you know they're useless.

Play by play guy: You know, an all-Chicago World Series is a real possibility this year!
Color guy: Sure, it's a possibility, but they both still have to get there.

Thanks, pal. Thanks so much. You know, it's hot outside, but it's not cold. My couch is comfortable, but it's not lumpy. I'm hungry, but it's not like I don't want to eat something.

What a zilch.

14 comments:

pnoles said...

I was gonna make a separate post about this, but since you're on the topic, I'll leave it right here. The commentators just said this:

"Scott Kazmir was one of the guys wearing one of Joe Maddon's cryptic T-shirts. The shirts say "9=8". That seems like a mathematical impossibility but what it means is, 9 guys on the field playing hard equals one of the 8 teams to make the playoffs".

This is the motivational tactic of choice by the man who will certainly win AL Manager of the Year.

My God....

pnoles said...

Wow, we really should be liveblogging this game. I'm not "burying the post", so I'll just add on here.

Play by play guy: Dye now has 31 homers to go along with 32 doubles, he's having a great year!

Color guy: You know, he does this year in and year out, just one of the most consistent players you'll ever find on this Cubs offense....err...White Sox...did I say Cubs?

In re: consistent

Dye EqAs, 2005-2008

.285
.320
.271
.300

So basically, one season, he's 2001-2005 Raul Ibanez, the next, he's Matt Holliday. You know, consistent.

pnoles said...

Oh my God, I think they just praised Joe Maddon for intentionally walking Josh Hamilton with the bases loaded. That's one of the single stupidest strategies in history.

"Here ya go Rangers, have a free run!"

pnoles said...

Color Guy: "They think B.J. Upton is going to be a middle-of-the-order kind of guy, and he's definitely got the athleticism for it."

Yep. Just like Prince Fielder, Jim Thome, David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Justin Morneau, Jack Cust, Billy Butler, Ryan Howard, Carlos Delgado, Carlos Pena, et al.

Athleticism. That's the key.

Chris W said...

pnoles, wtf

pnoles said...

liveblogging d00d!

Chris W said...

lawl

pnoles, FTW

pnoles said...

The color guy is Eric Karros!

God bless the general rule that having played baseball to some degree qualifies you to talk about it.

pnoles said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
pnoles said...

Karros: "Another thing the Rays have that no other team really has except maybe the Angels is 5 capable starters."

Yeah....MAYBE the Angels. You know, if you're feeling generous. MAYBE 5 guys with an ERA under 4.5 are capable.

Also.....ever hear of the Minnesota Twins? They have like 7 or 8 starters on their team and in their system that just reek of "capable starter".

Larry B said...

We're definitely going to start liveblogging like a big bag of douches. It's on.

JimA said...

From www.suntimes.com, quoting Ozzie:

''He puts up numbers, is the MVP of the World Series...I love him. He's the most consistent player I've ever had.''

pnoles, better hit him with the EqAs.

Iridescence said...

I love how the the big media is just "discovering" the Rays, they must have said 15 times in the first few minutes "Oh my god! Can you believe the TAMPA BAY Rays? are in first place?! Who the hell are these guys?!" They actually have the best record in baseball?!" and since they aren't really smart enough to figure oout the Rays are winning with their pitching they attribute it all to the managerial genius of Joe Maddon.

It's infuriating, nothing against Joe Maddon but if's like these idiots think that if the Rays had some other manager they'd be 30 games under .500. You never hear their GM get any credit and he had a lot more to do than Maddon with putting this team together. You hear 5 words about their great pitching for every hundred about the great Joe Maddon. It's maddening how stupid FOX baseball commentatotrs are.

It looks like the Rays coverage in the playoffs (assuming they make it) is going to make the David Eckstein saga look restrained by comparison *puke*

pnoles said...

Hehe....well said iridescence.....it will be an interesting ride indeed.