Thursday, June 19, 2008

Speaking of Bill Simmons

ESPN is now running a simple 5 second promo advertising The Sport Guy's work on their website and ESPN360. After what I'm sure was hours of brainstorming and debate, here's the slogan they decided to use for the spot-

"It's like watching sports with your best friend- if your best friend knew what he was talking about!"

Things Bill thinks, as advertised in his own columns:

-Excessive use of the serve and volley tactic makes tennis today less interesting
-Only in Boston do professional athletes attend local sporting events (besides the ones they're playing in)
-The quality of starting pitching in the AL would be worse in 2008 than 2007 because young starters like Felix Hernandez are on strict pitch counts
-Greg Oden will not be any good in the NBA because he walks oddly
-It's harder to be a fan of a team that wins a lot and then stops winning, than to be a fan of a team that never wins at all
-It's been settled- Tom Brady is better than Peyton Manning
-There just aren't any good real life sports villains these days

Nice slogan, ESPN.

Oh, and one last time, I would like to extend sincere thanks to the 2007 New York Giants. I honestly don't know where I would be right now if not for you guys.


cs said...

First of all, I'd like second that thanks to the 2007 NY Giants. Truly a godsend. Honestly, where would we be today with all three major championships in the Boston?

Secondly, what a fucking shitty slogan. "It's like watching sports with your best friend who just woke up from a 15 year long coma and thinks anyone actually remembers or cares about Cliffhanger! It's FANNNN-tastic!"

Thirdly, I'd like to add to your list of things Bill thinks:

-In all sports debates, Bill Simmons' father ultimately has the final say
-ESPN readers care about what Bill Simmons' father thinks
-Hooking up with a bride-to-be in Vegas is so awesome *HIGH FIVE*
-There is no way the 2007 Giants will beat the 18-0 Pats. No way.
-And lastly, Bill's seven friends are the absolute perfect sample size to gauge how the rest of America feels about something.

Bengoodfella said...

I could not think of anything catchy when I heard that last night but I was really trying. I did think about it some more and decided it would be like hanging out with my best friend-if I hung out with losers that annoyed the shit out of me. Bill would have been that friend we try to keep our plans from so he would not join us.

Also, I probably would have punched him at some point in our friendship until he had a skull fracture.

blanco said...

more things bill thinks:
-Shitty Sportswriters can change the outcome of sporting events that haven't happened yet in supernatural ways
-The NL doesn't matter
-Arod is a bad player to have on a baseball team
-Irish guys named Sully from Boston are cool because they get drunk and beat up fans from other teams.

We should make this the Reader Participation Friday topic for the week, although I'm confused on whether there is anymore RPF.

larry b said...

Nah, I kinda shelved REPF. It kind of felt like I was being desperate. But I'm thinking of bringing back a variation of it sometime soon, and maybe moving it to Mondays. We'll see.

John said...

I have to echo the sentiments that we should all be grateful that the Giants knocked off the undefeated, cheating Patriots. As soon as it became clear that the NBA had decided to award the title to the Celtics in the first half of Game 2 (seriously, a 38-10 free throw advantage, and you're telling me that the refs WEREN'T biased and that's NOT the reason they lost?!?!?), that was my immediate thought. I might have to stop following sports if Boston had all three titles at the same time, with one of them being an undefeated bunch of cheaters on my least favorite team in the history of sports.

It's gotten to the point that I wouldn't even consider moving to Boston. It's dead last on my potential cities to live. I just couldn't stand to be around a million a-holes like Simmons all the time. Besides, if you're going to move to that area of the country (and I prefer the West), there's no reason to move to Boston when you can move to New York City or Philadelphia.