Wednesday, June 18, 2008

One Bad Thing Happens to the Yankees, Therefore Baseball Needs to Change The Rules

So the Yankees' best pitcher was injured while running the bases. Unfortunately, a lot of mean-spirited assholes out there want to crucify someone for dooming the Yankees' chances and deliberately hurting the Yankees' pennant run. Popular scapegoats:

1. The National League (for making pitchers run the bases)
2. Bud Selig (for interleague play) I would vivisect this awful, awful article, but attacking open-source journalism sites seems like picking on someone smaller than me.
3. Chien-Ming Wang (for not being able to run around the bases without hurting himself, which any eight-year old can do)
4. Space Aliens (for invading Hank Steinbrenner's brain)

When asked for his opinion, Hank Steinbrenner gave it:

I just think it's time the NL joined the 21st century," Steinbrenner said in a telephone interview. "The AL, the minors, colleges, high schools, they all have DHs.

All those leagues have had the DH for like 30 years, even way back in the 20th century. I like this logic: even high schools have DHs, so the NL should too, even though the DH is used in a vastly different manner in high school.

"Truthfully, the NL owners should be concerned with it

Truthfully, you're only concerned with it because one freak accident happened to you. Kind of like how baseball is considering instant replay just because two freak accidents happened to New York teams. Shut up already.

, even with the practice their pitchers get doing it.

My guess is that NL pitchers don't practice baserunning much. Of all the injuries this year, about .0000023 of them will come from an AL pitcher running the bases. Surely the rules need to be amended to adjust for this institutional unfairness toward the yankees.

You don't need to lose your best pitcher.

It's not the NL's fault Chien-Ming Wang can't round a base.

The pitcher has enough work to do.

Running around the bases is not much work.

It's something Bud (Selig) needs to address and he needs to address it soon. Don't give me that traditionalist crap.

No, he doesn't need to address it just beacuse your pitcher got hurt. Interleague play has been going on for eleven years now, and there's no reason to change things just because the almighty Yankees caught a shitty break. Just beacuse one bad thing happened to the Yankees doesn't mean baseball needs to change its rules.

Another Steinbrenner, another fat loudmouth. Also, I hate the DH.


cs said...

My favorite team is in the AL, so I'm def an AL guy. But I have never understood why people bitch about pitchers batting in the NL. The DH, in my opinion, is shit.

Pitchers batting adds so much more to the game, and actually gives a reason for the manager to be sitting in the dugout after he hands the ump the line up card before the game.

And let's be realistic, Hank thinking it's the fault of the non-DH NL is fucking ridiculous. If a grown man, a highly paid athlete, can't run a couple of 90 feet sprints, he doesn't deserve to be out there. Wang could have gotten injured making a play on the ball from the mound, covering first, backing up home, etc etc etc.


CitizenX said...

As a "comedy" "writer", I think that Hank is being shortsighted. Think about all the delicious, delicious puns that can be constructed around this injury.

I'm not sure if you guys know this, but "wang" is american english slang for penis.

That being said, I think instant replay for home runs is a good idea. And this is coming from a Derek Jeter fan.

cs said...

X, I think this quote says it all:

"Don't give me that traditionalist crap."

Making a joke off of "Wang" is too traditional, too easy. Hank's an innovator. He mines deep for his comedy gold.

"Red Sox Nation... what a bunch of shit that is!"

larry b said...

Hank is a lot more like Vince McMahon than he'd probably want to admit. Can't you just hear him saying "Don't give me that traditionalist crap!" into a microphone inside an arena filled with rabid wrestling fans?

larry b said...

I should add that after saying that, Steinbrenner would hit Bud Selig with a folding chair.

Chris W said...

the DH rules. you nl fans can eat a dick.


NDIrish11 said...

The NL is living in the past, everyone has DHs. Time to move on before a stupid rule causes some other team to lose their ace.