assorted funny quotes, vol. 1

tim mccarver, re: the all star voting process during fox's saturday broadcast of the giants vs. the yankees:

"even if major league baseball has to overhaul the entire all-star balloting program, they need to make sure bonds is the starting left fielder."

i'm not sure if he means overhaul it so that the guy with the top OPS at each position gets the starting nod, or overhaul it so that the guy tim mccarver likes the most at each position gets the starting nod. i can guess though.


cecil fielder on steroids in baseball:

"If we didn't know, we ought to really slap ourselves if we didn't think something was going on in baseball - from the commissioner's office on down," said Fielder, the manager of an independent league team. "Guys were getting too big and too strong. Little guys turned into big guys. Baseball was doing so well at the time, everybody was turning away from it and letting it go on."

i'm not at all saying this is funny because fielder was on the juice or something. this is funny because, whatever the reason (in this case probably bacon covered cheese fries), fielder is one of the most famous "big guys" in recent baseball history. i'm reading between the lines here and it seems cecil is saying "i got huge by eating a lot and occasionally lifting weights. all these guys that got big using drugs piss me off. i'm supposed to be the only ridiculously fat/strong guy around these parts." i'm also picturing him giving the quote while eating a sandwich.

lawl! lawl!