Wednesday, June 10, 2009

FJM Hall of Shame: Rick Reilly

Ladies and gentlemen, the first inductees for the Fire Jay Mariotti Hall of Shame will be inducted over the course of this summer. The first few will be awarded the title of "Inaugural Inductee" since their candidacy is so obvious, they will go down in history. Without further ado:

This is the man whose columns relate the human side of sports - which is certainly not the worst of goals. This is the man whose stories graced SI for 23 years and has been at ESPN since 2007. If you want to read a sample of what one of his columns usually looks like, read this FJM post, also from 2007. Apparently he has won the National Sportswriters and Sportscasters' Association's Sportswriter of the Year award eleven times.

He might be a good guy who helps charities, but his articles are still mindless tripe. In general, he is inducted for his crimes against decent writing, for his throwaway pop culture references, for his overly sentimental attitude and for his lack of logical thought while writing. We here at FJM are not here to indict Mr. Reilly's charity work or his attitudes on life, but rather to indict his awful sportswriting on a national level.

Here are some of his lowlights, as chronicled here at FJM:

  • Rick goes out on a limb to castigate the Georgia HS pitcher who beaned the umpire.
  • Rick humorously breaks down the national anthems at the Beijing Olympics.
  • Rick, after exhausting research, declares which franchises rule which cities.
  • Rick, in his position of power and authority, declares that Utah is the undisputable national champion of the 2008 season.
  • Rick gives us fans the lighter side of Super Bowl preparations.
  • Rick has something to say about Magic Johnson's AIDS. (!!!)
  • Rick wants to retroactively take suspected steroid users' MVP awards and give them to other suspected steroid users. (!!!)
  • Rick thinks that Rachel Alexandra is a victory for gender equality, democracy and world peace. In case you forgot, Rachel Alexandra is a horse.
  • Rick has a few ideas about how to improve baseball.
One note about the last link. In it, Rick wants to call out baseball for its tolerance of steroids. He writes:

In the Small-Balls era, nobody -- not the players, not the owners, not the writers -- tried to stop it. Where were all these books when we needed them?

In the comments section, FJM reader Fred Trigger provides perhaps the best comment in FJM history:
Writers didn't try to stop the steroids because they were busy writing things like this:

For his lack of historical awareness alone, he merits first-ballot status. For everything else, Mr. Reilly's resume clearly welcomes him into the hallowed ranks of this previously-empty hall. Don't worry, Rick: you'll have company soon.


Bengoodfella said...

Wow, Fred is going to be very proud that his comment was named best comment ever on FJMariotti.

That should be its own award I think.

Bengoodfella said...

Though I do like the picture of Mark McGwire's son being forced to suckle on his dad's new PED enhanced left breast. I think that is pretty classy.

The heading under "One Cool Daddy" says "How Mark McGwire is beating the pressure." I would bet the entire article consisted of two words in bold capital letters.

"HE CHEATS." (End of article)

The hypocrisy of Rick Reilly makes him deserve this induction into the FJM Hall of Shame. I think his bust should go in the "PED Hypocrisy" Wing of this journalist hall of ineptitude as well as the "Plagerizing His Own Work" Wing. Well earned Mr. Reilly, well earned.

CHart said...

Sorry to be a hater... but Rick never advocated for the whole secede from the FBS thing. That was some other moron. Rick just spiced that article up with some vague reference that had to be made fun of... just sayin.

dan-bob said...

Thanks CH - edited.

Larry said...

So did you guys hear what Ibanez said about bloggers today? Get out of your mom's basement you trolls!


Bengoodfella said...

I know Larry. How dare any one accuse a hitter who has previously not had numbers as good as the ones he is currently putting up of possibly using PEDs! He's 36 years old, his numbers should be increasing at that age.

Bloggers are so stupid, always falsely accusing players of steroid use. They don't have quite the credibility of mainstream journalists who would never hide steroid use among players. (looks at picture of Mark McGwire on the cover of SI with an article written by Rick Reilly).

Fred Trigger said...

I'm not gonna lie, I am very proud of this prestigious honor. If I didnt have to work tomorrow, I might go out and get drunk because thats what we boston fans do in every waking moment when we are not at work, or dont have to work the next day.

Nathan said...

The links are all messed up. They don't point to your bashing of Rick as they should... and sure, I could search and find them myself, but I'm lazy.

Alex said...

Dumb question: Since it's your ina, inag...First one, shouldn't Mariotti have been selected? Or has he become merely symbolic at this point? Why do I care?

Jack M said...

Picking Mariotti wouldn't have been meta enough.

Anonymous said...

As if right on cue, Reilly's latest article is a non-sports puff piece that references Sanjaya's barber and dyspeptic hamsters. I guess that's his version of an acceptance speech.

Jeff said...

How hard is it to read a Rick Reilly column? Ha! Have you ever tried flossing a piranha! What about teaching Britney Spears parenting lessons? It's as painful as giving a crocodile a root canal.

LincolnHawk said...

Is there any writer who should’ve disappeared faster than Reilly once the internet entered every household? I understand his small stories on the back page of SI with seemingly relevant pop references did resonate with people back then because of the total lack of media options. But now, I can read those same types of stories every day on many websites with more genuine motives and better analogies.

There are a lot of outdated writers still working, but why ESPN decided to give this guy a huge contract in 2007 is the most baffling part. He still uses the writing style of a Johnny Carson monologue except Johnny was smart enough to retire in May of 1992.