Monday, June 8, 2009

Throwaway Post Because It's Been Almost a Week

It's not exactly summer/fall 2007 around here anymore in terms of the frequency of our posts. Everyone knows that. I'm OK with it- a lot of our rage (OK, well, maybe not my rage, but most of my co-bloggers' rage) about bad sportswriting has subsided over the years. And hey, Jay Mariotti fired himself last summer, undoubtedly as a result of our work here, so you could argue we've already reached the top of the anti sports media blogging world. I'm sure all fifteen of you readers will agree. That's right, I said it, the top. Who the fuck is Fire Jon Margun? No, but seriously, I think a week between posts is excessive. So while I don't have time right now to write a real post, here are a list of topics that are chafing my taint right now. Feel free to join in the bitching in the comments.

-I understand that the AP is going to report on the results of David Ortiz's eye exams, and other useless stories relating to his slump, and that those newsy-type stories will be prominently displayed on most sports new sites. That's OK with me- if the fine and upstanding racists who inhabit Red Sox Nation want their Big Papi news, give it to them. But I just toured around several such sites- MSNBC's sports section, ESPN, CBSSportsline, and Fox Sports. Every last one of them had one of their columnists breaking down and providing analysis for this fascinating story. WHAT IS IT? IS IT HIS MINDSET? DOES HE NEED A SECOND OPINION ABOUT THE EYE THING? IS HE ON STEROIDS? IS HE ACTUALLY 71 YEARS OLD? OH MY GOD PANIC PANIC PANIC

Shut the fuck up, please. Just shut up and leave this barely-a-story alone for a few weeks. I'm begging you. Factual news about it I'll have to tolerate. But the analysis needs to stop. Please. Kthxbye.

-Mark Schlereth has tapioca inside his head. The guy is a total boob. But he puts tons of emphasis on the word football when he talks about football players and football teams playing football games on football fields. So if you're not actually paying attention to what he's saying, as is the case with 84% of ESPN viewers, his idiocy kind of sneaks past you because of how self-assured he sounds. He's sneaky like that.

-Orel Hershiser is a reasonably tolerable color guy when ESPN sticks him in the booth, which is not nearly often enough. Too bad that when they do so they often pair him with Chris Berman. Do you hate Chris Berman? No? You think he's not that bad and kind of clever? Get the fuck off this blog.

-The NBA's decision to have four days of down time before starting the Finals on a Thursday night and then not playing game 2 until Sunday night really smacks of insecurity. Apparently they were terrified of not getting favorable ratings if they scheduled those games on, you know, Tuesday/Thursday or Wednesday/Friday like they should have. What's the matter, NBA? Why so worried about public perception? Do you have a tiny penis?

Yeah that's all I've got. Real post from Dan-Bob coming sometime soon.

11 comments:

Jeff said...

The next time I hear an analyst or writer describe a player in a particular sport by saying he's a "baseball player" or a "football player" (pretend I'm not lazy and I'm bolding the sport names for emphasis) or a "Hockey player" I'm going to get really upset and possibly consider putting together a blog post about it!

Bengoodfella said...

Who is Joe Margun? Is Joe Morgan's evil Moneyball loving brother?

Bengoodfella said...

It is some bullshit the NBA takes days and days off between games. It ruins any type of momentum the series has. Throw in the fact the games actually start later on Monday-Thursday than they do on the weekend and I have to say the NBA is kind of stupid.

You aren't leaving us are you "the real" FJM? If so, that would be sad because then there would increased unemployment even in the nerd blogging community.

cs said...

Speaking of Orel and Chris Berman, did you hear "Boomer" last night during the Yanks-Rays game come up with his own personal conspiracy theory as to why Steve Phillips wasn't in the booth when Berman was there? Orel defended Phillips by saying he was on on the West coast for Sunday Night Baseball, and Berman ended it with a bitter: "That's not how I see it. Steve Phillips is officially on my black list", to which Orel said, "But do you know who is here? Jason Isringhausen on the mound" as the inning was getting underway. Brilliant.

Berman is like a 13 year old girl.

pnoles said...

Bad articles come in waves, and unfortunately, the most recent waves came during March and April, when I had to ignore everything (was still stuck in the Forest Temple of Ocarina of Time).

If only Jay still wrote about stuff that I cared about enough to comment on........

Tonus said...

I enjoyed reading Simmons' bitch-fest about the NBA finals. I love the thought that, every time an announcer or analyst brings up "how much Kobe wants this," Simmons twitches so violently that he flops to the floor and slams his face into a nearby chair.

However, that doesn't change the fact that both announcers and analysts have run that whole "Kobe wants it really bad" angle straight into the ground. We get it, he's like a tall black David Eckstein. Can we move on to something else?

Martin said...

Berman was beyond horrible last night. He announced it like they had pulled his ass into the booth from the buffett line as an emergency replacement. I didn't think Orel had a very good game either, but teh fact that he was having to announce for two didn't help. Of course listening to Berman stroll down the Jeter memory lane and say that he knew that the Gold Gloves that Jeter had won meant as much as anything to him in his career was fantastic. Yes, undeserved fielding awards mean as much to him as World Series championships.

Die you lazy fat fuck.

Chris W said...

"-The NBA's decision to have four days of down time before starting the Finals on a Thursday night and then not playing game 2 until Sunday night really smacks of insecurity. Apparently they were terrified of not getting favorable ratings if they scheduled those games on, you know, Tuesday/Thursday or Wednesday/Friday like they should have. What's the matter, NBA? Why so worried about public perception? Do you have a tiny penis?"

NBA PLAYOFFS SUCKS! lol

Alex said...

-The NHL is just as queer.

-Has FJM jumped the shark? Please say no. I don't recall a "Dudley" moment. Please see Diff'rent Strokes if you don't get the reference. I'm still scarred by it.

-Time for you guys to expand into...CANADA! There's some bad shit up here too. Our stuff comes loaded with an inferiority complex towards anything American. In Montreal, you're not a self-respecting writer if you don't bash Toronto at least once a week. Oh and some think making political references in a sports column is "clever".

Assholes.

Chris W said...

NHL stands for "'Nuff Hatin'on-us League"

So, uh, take note, Alex

Alex said...

Note taken.

On a cheap recycled one but taken nonetheless.