Sunday, October 19, 2008

There Are Probably About 30 Minutes Left in the ALCS

So this is definitely not a very timely post. Still, I have to request that Chip Caray stop referring to batted balls that make contact on the bat near the hitter's hands as having been "fisted." "Fisted to right... Drew is there." "Fisted towards Longoria." "Fisted.... just foul!" It really... how should I put this... uh.... there's just gotta be a better way to describe these hits. Please stop.

Update: Might as well turn this into a micro liveblog. Buck Martinez, on Rays reliever David Price-

Price was the winner in game 2 of this series. The irony of that was that he won a Major League postseason game before he won a regular season game!

Maybe that would be ironic if his name was David Regularseasonwin or something. As things actually are... Buck, you're not even close.

In addition to my proposed moratorium on "fisted," let's also just stop letting announcers try to identify irony. About 3% of them can do it correctly, and I just don't think the potential benefit to viewers of letting that 3% continue is worth the terrible cost to viewers of letting the other 97% continue to fuck it up.

Also, the Rays are now three outs away from winning this series. Is it really going to happen? Am I going to lose $20 to Dan-Bob, yet win happiness in Boston's demise that is worth so much more? We'll find out. I won't believe it until I see the Rays going apeshit in the clubhouse and Terry Francona giving a somber press conference.

Updated update: Slap my mouth and call me Joe Buck. They really did it. If you went to Vegas in March 2007 and found an oddsmaker that would take a $100 bet from you that the Rockies and Rays would each win a pennant in the next two years, how much would your payout be? A jillion dollars? I shouldn't answer my own rhetorical questions, makes me sound like Simmons. SPEAKING OF WHICH, segue.

Hey Bill... it's really great that you wrote a 15,000 word article on Friday about how the Sawks mounted a very cool and memorable comeback in game 5, beat the imaginary "curse of October 16th," or whatever you want to call it, and that they didn't get eliminated at home. But guess what? Go stick a plunger in a toilet and sit on it. You and your team both stink.


One last update: John Kruk was just asked about the ramifications of the Rays starting Scott Kazmir in game 1 of the World Series. I think his response was the single smartest thing I've ever heard out of his mouth. I can't quote it directly, but his point was basically that the Phillies' power threats off the bench are all left handed. (Stairs, Jenkins, and maybe Dobbs [if your definition of "power threat" is flexible]) So by starting a lefty in the AL park, Joe Maddon probably forces Charlie Manuel to start backup catcher Chris Coste at DH. This subsequently makes pinch running for either catcher in the lineup dicey because if the other gets injured, everything goes to shit.

The Rays won a pennant.... John Kruk is talking sense... wow. Time to start watching the Arizona Cardinals verrrrrrry closely, and perhaps expecting Peter King to stop being fat and stupid. Or at least stop being stupid.


Andy said...


Andy said...

Ok, that was obnoxious. Seriously...I had to turn the game off when it was 1-0 because:

a) I had to sleep (3rd shift = whore)
b) I didn't want to see Boston take advantage of a massive choke job 2 years in a row (and I'm an Indians fan...I know of which I speak).

Got to work and was riveted to the gametracker though...great stuff.

Iridescence said...

Well I guess every other team in the AL must "stink" as well then because the Rays were probably the best team in the league this year. I don't think the Sox really have anything to be ashamed of losing to them in a hard fought series. And that WAS an amazing comeback, even if it fell just short in the end.

So whatever, congrats to the Rays and I hope they go all the way now.

The only bright side of this for me is that I won't be compelled to suffer through any more TBS broadcasts this year. 7 games of Chippy Caray is more than enough.

Larry B said...

Iridesence, I respect your continued reading of the blog considering how liberally we (especially I) shit all over Boston. Of course the Red Sox are a very good team. Don't spoil my fun by taking everything literally. Although Simmons obviously does stink. My hatred really is directed 5% at actual Boston players and 95% at the media. Here's a list of Boston athletes I actually dislike:

BRUSCHI (he's not a hero, he's a fucking pussy who I have zero respect for)
Mike Vrabel (for being a dirty player)
Rodney HGHarrison (for obvious reasons)
Tom Brady (most of the time, for being smarmy)
Josh Beckett (for yelling at batters like a sourpuss)
Paul Pierce (for flashing gang signs, and then being too much of a bitch to admit it)

OK, so I realize that's a pretty star-intensive list. But there are a lot of Boston favorites not on that list. Ortiz, Pedroia, Garnett (even if he is new), tons of Patriots, etc. So I'm not as filled with hate as it might initially seem.

Oh, and of course, it should go without saying that I also hate Boston because of its mouth-breathing racist shithead local fans and incessantly retarded bandwagony national fans.

Jack M said...

Larry, I've already pre-written my rebuttal to tomorrow's Peter King assuming that he will still be fat and stupid. Please do not jink it.

Tonus said...

Chip Caray didn't seem so bad to me, but that's because my basis for comparison was Buck Martinez and Ron Darling. There was almost zero analysis from them, and lots of cliches and useless bullshit.

One of the 'Keys to the Game' for John Lester was "GAME 7." Now there is some staggering insight. It was capped off by Darling explaining to us how Lester already had game 7 experience, since he'd started game 7 of the 2007 World Series. A few seconds later he realized his mistake and corrected himself.

I was starting to miss Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan.

Larry B said...

As a Rockies fan, I can only dream of an alternate past in which the 2007 WS went 7 games.

Tonus said...

I'm an Angels fan. My alternate past includes 1982, 1986, and the last 10 playoff games against the Red Sox.

Bengoodfella said...

I actually feel bad for Red Sox fans today. I think I am slowly going insane.

cs said...

I thought the Red Sox losing in Boston in game 5 would have been the most satisfying conclusion to the ALCS. Oh no, not quite. Having Boston mount a legendary comeback in Game 5, only to lose, meekly in Game 7, after the bandwagon had retooled and reloaded, after Simmons wrote three chapters to his new Red Sox book and posted them Friday, after everyone in Red Sox Nation got their hopes up, started believing again... that's when the Red Sox lose. How. Freakin. Awesome.

And there's added meaning to the MNF game tonight. All the best to Jay Cutler and Co. Try to blow them the fuck out early.

pnoles said...

I can't wait to face the Rays in 2010 when Matt Garza is their #5 starter (assuming he's still there).

Sawks, you have your work cut out for you.

JimA said...

Chip can't find an original voice nor persona, so he's trying to sound either learned or gay. If Grandpa was the Mayor of Rush Street, maybe Chip wants to be the Mayor of Boys Town.