Tuesday, October 14, 2008

LiveBlog: Game 4, Rays @ Red Sawx

Let's jump right in. Larry's commentary will be in italics.

Bottom of the 1st

Buck Martinez: [Sonnanstine's] a tough guy to scout, because he won't light up the gun.

It's tough to describe the sun, because it's big and bright and hot.

Top of the 3rd

Situation: Carl Crawford is on 1st base with 2 outs for Willy Aybar. Wakefield just pitched out to make the count 1-0.

Buck Martinez: If you gamble, you pitch out twice in a row. And you're in a situation in which you have to gamble


Dude there's a guy on first with two outs. You almost can't get less threatened than this. You don't "have" to do anything.

Edit: Crawford stole the base anyway, Aybar cranks a 2-run HR. Nice one, Bucky. GAMBLE DUUUUUUDE!

Side note: These commentators went ballistic for a single that put runners on first and second for teh Sawks in the bottom of the 2nd. Aybar's home run involved significantly less enthusiasm. Shades of Chris Berman in 2005!

Chip Caray: What do you guys think, are these Rays playoff tested?

Ron Darling: (In a tone that suggests stern agreement) I think they've been playing playoff series for the past two months.

Oh, so if you don't have your division clinched by August 14th, you're playing in "playoff series[es]" until you're eliminated. That's sweet. Turns out my Rockies didn't actually miss the postseason this year- they got almost a month's worth of playoff experience before the DBacks and Dodgers put them away.

Top of the 5th:

Carl Crawford is on second base with 1 out.

Buckaroo: "It's especially important to steal 3rd base in Fenway Park, because the left fielder is so close. It's so hard to score from second on a base hit."

Unless the base hit is to center or right, of course. But yeah, let's risk stealing 3rd with one out, when a lefty is up and a switch hitter is on deck, to help make sure our guy can score on a single to left.

(Immediately after this, Willie Aybar singles to left and Crawford scores from second without a throw.)

- I'm going to punch my basement wall with all the strength my frail little arms can muster if they don't stop showing that DirecTV ad from "Poltergeist." Here's a fucking tip, DirecTV- make multiple ads and run them all at the same time, instead of individually beating them into the ground one after another.

- You're next, Bacardi "guys intentionally wear Halloween costumes that complement girls' costumes" ad.

- Buck spends 30 seconds recapping the now-famous failed squeeze play from game 4 of the Red Sox/Angels ALDS series. He goes out of his way to praise Manny Delcarmen for "knowing that a squeeze was a possibility," because the Angels had pulled one on the Red Sox when he was on the mound earlier in the year. That's all well and good, until TBS shows the replay and it is revealed (yet again) that Delcarmen threw a knee-high pitch with no break (could have been a fastball or a changeup) during the play in question. Yeah, if you think someone is going to try a squeeze on you, that's the way to ward it off. Here batter, I dare you to bunt this nice low strike. Let's see you use that one! Fortunately for the Red Sox, Erick Aybar (Angels batter during the failed squeeze) just sucks.

- I know you're specifically asking me not to, TBS, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'm going to miss those new episodes of Frank TV starting October 21.

- Not to keep complaining about commercials, but I'm going to keep complaining about commercials.

These days it seems like you have to be a physics professor to pick out a TV.

No it doesn't. Not at all. You need a recent issue of Consumer Reports and a couple of hours to comparatively shop.

Luckily, I AM ONE.

Go fuck yourself, albino douche.

- As the score balloons to 10-1, Buck has some Kornheiser-esque understatment.

I bet the Red Sox are happy they have an off day tomorrow!

Tony would be proud.

- Chip, after David Ortiz triples to lead off the 7th:

The biggest deficit ever overcome in a postseason game is 8 runs. Hey, you never know!

The Rays are up 10. I think it's fair to say "We know."

- Buck, re the Rays: (rhetorically) Who are these guys?

You may want to build a time machine and go back to May, June, July, August, September, or a week ago and ask that question. I think it just recently crossed the threshold from annoying to ridiculous.

- Time to nitpick with Chip!

If this game ends in the win column for the Rays, there may not be a bigger game in the career of young James Shields than the one he will pitch on Wednesday as he tries to close out this series.

Oh, but if Boston mounts a ridiculous comeback and ties the series at 2 games a piece, Sheilds' start in game 5 really won't be that big of a deal.

- This was the lousiest liveblog we've done so far. Sorry everyone. We really are a bunch of zilcheroos. However, I think part of this is mitigated by the fact that the game was fucking sweet. After last year, I'm not calling the SAWKS dead until they're really dead. But seeing fans filing out of Fenway in the 7th inning of an ALCS game... extremely entertaining.

In conclusion, choke on a pole, Boston. I hope you win game 5 so you can come back and get eliminated in your own stadium.

[Late edit by Larry B- that last joke would work a lot better if the LCSes actually used the 2-2-1-1-1 format rather than the 2-3-2. As usual, I'm fucking stupid. So I guess I just hope the Red Sox lose on Wednesday. But Friday or Saturday would be acceptable too.]


cs said...

Why is Chip Carey TBS's ace announcer? His voice is so god damn grating. He's like a spoof of himself.

Jack M said...

Actually those doofuses in the costumes are hawking Captain Mo'. As in, only 'mos drink Captain Mo'.

Additionally, if that were to happen, how many minutes would it be before one of those guys got blacked and revealed that they'd been spying on the party? Also, just because you're wearing a comparable costume to some chick, doesn't mean she's going to want to fuck you. Believe me, I dress as a doctor every year and have never banged a naughty nurse.

Andy said...


You had to bring up last year's series, didn't you?

God I hate the Red Sox.

Iridescence said...

Yeah, yeah, you can't win every year and all that shit. The Sox will be strong again next year and I still have some hope with the under-rated and awesome Dice-K going tomorrow night. Three in a row. It will be awfully tough though *sigh*. If Beckett really is hurt (and I'm scared he is) the series is pretty much over.

Props to the Rays though...I knew they wouuld be good in this series and they have been hopefully if they do go on to win the series they will go all the way.

Iridescence said...

PS Chip Caray sounds like a fucking duck...he "quacks" and "squawks" out his calls and is so unprofessionally biased in favor of the Rays/Angels it's ridculous. I never thought anyone would make me almost yearn for Tim McCarver but Chippy has achieved the impossible.
Caray should be fired immediately.

Larry B said...

Turns out the LCSes do not use the 2-2-1-1-1 format.

I'm a clod.

Bengoodfella said...

It is ok Larry to not know the format of the LCS. I did not know the LDS was 5 games and not seven games. I just like to think you don't pay as much attention to little details like that when your team is not actually in the playoffs.

Angelo said...

nice live blog on commercials- I don't think anyone's done that before

Larry B said...

No one's making you read this, Gelo. Just because you like commercials and religiously watch Frank TV (Very funny!) doesn't justify the leaving of shitheadded comments.

Angelo said...

it was partially a statement on how irrelevant the last six innings of the game were, which is not your fault. Thank you Rays! But I will leave my shitheadded comments whenever I want to- isn't that what blogs are all about?

Angelo said...

also, jack m, I've been going as a murse for years and it's done wonders for me.

Larry B said...

Yeah, you got me. Blogs are about anonymous shitheadedness. Thus, this blog.