Monday, July 6, 2009

I Don't Particularly Like Manny But......

As it is written, he whom Jay Mariotti attacketh like a man who hath no intelligence, pnoles defendeth.

Fans Glorifying Manny Need to Get a Life

Hear that all you baseball fans who like baseball? Get a new hobby, losers!

Here comes the standard Jay Mariotti "shit-for-brains-audience" recap....the one that he gives in every article to take up space that consists of news everyone already knows. It really is a lack of respect for the readers to do this every time.

Just to refresh your memory, Manny Ramirez is a shamed steroid cheat. He used a female fertility drug that produced artificial testosterone, making him the latest in a pathetic line of high-profile players who have done performance-enhancers and contaminated an entire baseball era. He also is a petty quitter, having stopped running out groundballs in a hissy-fit ploy that forced the Red Sox to trade him to the Dodgers.

How's everyone doing so far. Still with us? Or are we moving too fast?

So why were people cheering him when he returned last weekend after a 50-game suspension?

Because Manny Ramirez arrived last year, swung the Dodgers over his shoulder, and carried them 21341923423.23 miles to the postseason. A role-model? No. A great baseball player? Absolutely.

And giving him long, robust standing ovations?

Good players that cause you to get to the playoffs when you otherwise wouldn't tend to get those.

And proudly wearing $22 concession-stand dreadlocks and No. 99 jerseys?

Because baseball fans do these kinds of things.

And waving signs that said "We Still Love You, Manny" and "It's all about the dreads, not the Meds" -- stadium greeting cards that made him feel good when he should be feeling like, well, a convicted scumbag?

I'm sure he felt like a convicted scumbag over the last two months. He got caught, admitted it, and served his penalty. What the hell are the fans supposed to do? If I'm a Dodgers fan, I cheer Manny. If I'm a Yankees fan, I cheer A-Rod. If I'm a Giants fan a couple of years ago, I probably don't boo Bonds (after much deliberation). It's that simple.

Why oh why would anyone with a soul, a conscience and working brain cells glorify a cheater?

Yeah, especially after he murdered all those puppies and killed people while driving drunk.

Manny Ramirez does not equal Hitler.

Because most of these goofs were Dodgers fans who made the short drive from Los Angeles to San Diego, where they bought up 60 percent of the seats and turned Petco Park into Mannywood South. As we saw in San Francisco with the local fawning over Barry Bonds, some cities simply lack the sophistication to hold an appropriate grudge against a cheater.

Holding grudges: A trait commonly found in sophisticated people

All they seem to care about is whether the player produces and the ballclub wins.

What terrible Dodger fans.

And right now, with the Dodgers holding the best record in the major leagues and surviving just fine in their time without Ramirez, fans are checking their morals at the turnstiles and dreaming about a dreadlocked World Series in Chavez Ravine.

Checking their morals at the turnstiles. Wow. Everyone who cheers for Manny is going to hell.

In New York, Ramirez will be peppered with questions about why he used steroids. His reluctance to address the issue so far has been as big a disgrace as the drug bust itself. With stunning arrogance, his defining quote to date on the topic was this June 9 gem: "I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it, I'm just going to come and play the game." Actually, I might argue that he and the other superstar cheats have raped the game.

Baseball, coincidentally, is not a person.

Until he specifically answers the steroids questions, which Dodgers owner Frank McCourt says won't happen, Ramirez will face media heat nationally. This could lead to a breakdown in performance and attitude, if his meltdown in Boston last July is any indication.

Once Manny left for L.A., however, the media heat just disappeared completely, right? How'd he play there?

Also, 2008 Boston Manny: .299/.398/.529. Fuck you, Jay.

But when he was away, the likes of Andre Ethier and Juan Pierre excelled. A brooding Manny is a Manny who can distract the finest of clubs, as the Red Sox can attest.

OK, don't play Manny. Play Juan Pierre, and see how that works out. I hear he's close to his career norms this year!

And might I remind you, Ethier's breakout in the first place occurred last year, and coincided with Manny's arrival. I'm not saying one caused the other, but you can't say that Ethier has just magically started to be a good player without Manny around.

So when Mannywood officially reopens next week, fans can spend $99 for two seats in left field and two blue "Mannywood" t-shirts. My guess is, the place will be packed for the rest of the season.

Know what else the Dodgers should include in the package?

A vomit bag.


Hilarious.

24 comments:

Larry B said...

Listen, when you're choosing between Pierre and Ramirez for playing time, do you want the guy who is the best baseball player, or the guy with the atrocious contract whose only real value comes from occasionally racking up singles and stealing some bases?

I thought so. FREE JUAN PIERRE

Larry B said...

Also, I've been truly shocked at the amount of airtime ESPN has devoted to Ramirez this year. They... they know he doesn't play in Boston anymore, right?

Unknown said...

Perhaps the coverage is coming from their new LA studio? Gives them something to do till the next USC violation inquery.

There has been all sorts of sanctimonious chest thumping by writers, and the local "San Diego" (it broadcasts out of Mexico at about 1 bajillion watts, and barely made a peep about Merriman coming back and making the ProBowl) radio station, and as a Dodger follower, my only explination is this: Manny was caught when it was against the rules. Being caught sort of absolves one from being judged as harshly in my eyes. He tried to get away with it, got caught, got suspended, lost 7 million dollars, comes back. What more does Jay want? Blood?

Of course, I wasn't ever all that upset by the steroid use back before it was banned. I'd be the guy going "Hell yeah, use the steroids, I want to win this fucking game." I was more upset by the constant lame denials and half truths by guys, then the actual use itself. Have some balls, come out and say "Hell yeah I did, and I made MILLIONS of dollars." Not this "Um, no never, se habla?, it was B-12, but I'm not here to talk about the past."

FormerPhD said...

Jay does know that Manny's first games were played within driving distance of LA right? As in a lot of the fans he's complaining about supporting Manny are Dodgers' fans?

I have to agree with Martin. At the end of the day it's not known how much steroids actually effected baseball. Would Aaron and Maris still have their records? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, it doesn't really diminish the stats of former players because most people (capable of even basic thought processes) can put a player in a historical context.

And with all the talk about steroids as "cheating" and being illegal in the US, weren't amphetamines/greenies also illegal in the US when players were popping them back in the good old days?

A better Manny hating article would have been a story on how he turned down a 25M/year contract...to sign a 25M/year contract.

Venezuelan Beaver Cheese said...

Of course holding grudges is a sign of sophistication. Jay holds several against the White Sox organization alone and he's one of the most respected sportswriters in the country. Oh wait...

Bengoodfella said...

Pnoles with back to back posts. (NBA Jam voice) He's on fire!

My problem with steroids has been that I think the punishment should be a bit harsher now, but more importantly I get so tired of sportswriters and even the players acting like they are completely innocent in all of this. The sportswriters pretty much propped up the steroid era with their puff piece writing and the players who weren't cheating obviously didn't care enough to blow the whistle.

As far as Manny is concerned, Mariotti seems to have a vendetta against him, somewhere along the lines of Plaschke's vendetta. Sure he cheated but there are tons of supplements used by players to help recovery and performance, like greenies, but no one pays attention to those.

For example, I just read that Tom Glavine used creatine his entire career until the steroid rules came into effect and then he did not want to get a bad batch and he quit, while Mike Mussina used creatine his entire career. Sure it wasn't a banned substance but it helped recovery time.

Derpsauce said...

Ben, I believe the proper term is "He's Heating Up!"

But thumbs-up on the reference anyway =)

Tonus said...

Spelling correction: the first "Here" by pnoles should be "Hear."

Logic correction for shitbag Mariotti: A brooding Manny is a Manny who can distract the finest of clubs, as the Red Sox can attest.

And as we all know, Manny has been brooding incessantly since he joined LA, which is why they missed the playoffs last year and are struggling this year... RIGHT?!?!?

Bengoodfella said...

I swore it was, "He's on fire!" You can tell how often I made a couple of baskets in a row since I didn't remember correctly.

I forgot to ask...why don't you like Manny? He has nasty dreadlocks that look like they haven't been washed in years, he used steroids, ESPN monitors his every move including cutting into games to show his every at bat and holding televised press conferences when he gets traded...what's not to like about him?

Anonymous said...

I've been using steroids since the eighth grade and have had pretty much no health problems. They're perfectly safe if you know what you're doing. The only good sports journalism I've ever seen about steroids is this old piece by HBO:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8162930835755001242&ei=TcBTSsSuNpuarQKtpdSLBw&q=HBO+Steroids&hl=en

Bengoodfella said...

Wow, really. The 8th grade.

I personally use PEDs every time I am posting a comment.

cs said...

Two baskets in a row: He's heating up...

Three baskets in a row: He's on fire!

Larry B said...

Whoa whoa whoa, Anonymous... (or is it anonymous?) "pretty much" no health problems? Please clarify that. I'm interested in buying some of these steroids you're selling, but only if I get to keep both of my balls.

Tonus said...

"Pretty much no health problems" means that only half of his liver rotted away. Remember kids, never take steroids in pill form! A shot in the ass gets the job done just fine, and a fist-sized abscess is way better than losing your liver.

Bengoodfella said...

I am actually pretty excited someone wrote in and said they have used steroids since the 8th grade and has had no health problems. Maybe he/she forgot to mention he/she is currently in the 9th grade.

Anonymous said...

I guess no one watched that video. I'm 31 btw.

Bengoodfella said...

I actually had seen the video before and I also saw something on 20/20 that was similar to that a couple months ago as well. Good luck trying to convince anyone that steroids don't have long term health risks. It seems like no one really wants to hear it.

I am against steroids in baseball but as far as long term health risks, I am willing to listen to evidence that may show they are not quite as dangerous as originally presented to the public.

dan-bob said...

Some cities simply lack the sophistication to hold an appropriate grudge against a cheater.

Some cities simply lack the sophistication to hold an appropriate grudge against a management that has willingly taken their money and given them a crumbling stadium and the longest tradition of losing in all of baseball.

But hey, this article wasn't about the Cubs! Um, yea, steroids!

Jason said...

Hello,

My name is Jason and I am the founder of SportsSoundOff.net. We are a new blog, but re-established. It had to be shut down because of technical issues. I was wondering if we could exchange links.

Let me know if this is possible.

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Jason

Jack M said...

I like my baseball players like Larry B likes his men: tall, dark, and handsome...and roided up.

Elliot said...

I've been taking steroids since I was 12, and I've only had one heart attack, and it wasn't even that bad.

Tonus said...

I've seen the RealSports video and I agree with it. But the symptoms I mentioned (liver damage from steroids in pill form, abscesses from injecting in the same spot repeatedly) are accurate. I'm just that damned good.

Larry B said...

Jason, I know you will never read this comment, because you're just spamming your link exchange invitation all over teh interblogs and waiting for the emails to roll in, but I went to your blog and it's the worst sports blog of all time. You're just linking people to AP news stories and bizarre/dumb Youtube videos. I'd rather read Perez Hilton than you guys.

Alex said...

I think you'd rather read:

http://www.pixyland.org/